Difficult Husband

[BeLimeUser]

Been with my o/h for 6 years now. In the last 4 years husbands health has gotten really bad. Constant hospital stays with most being serious enough for intensive care stays. Husband is diabetic and through complications does not get an erection or any feeling in his penis. For him this is a big issue and i understand this. We do have toys we use so we do have some sex life. Our problem is my husband would have it every night if he could. If i say no that wont be the end of it and untill i fall asleep he will push for it several more times. Even waking me during the night to ask for it. But for me after caring for him and my 13 year old autistic daughter who doesnt attend school anymore so im home schooling, still doing all the usual things the home needs because he does nothing, no cooking cleaning or even just going to the shop, the last thing i want to do is have sex. He sees this is a big problem and often gets quite huffy and nasty. Lost count how many times ive been told im weird because i ask him to stop bloody touching me after hes been doing it all day.Im not on overly touchy feely person but hes like an octopus 24 hours a day. For the last year and a half hes changed so much to the point that sex is all he talks about even in front of the kids which understandably makes them uncomfortable. Every time i try to bring any of it up he turns it on me and its all my fault that he doesnt get anything from sex its my fault im not likes his ex's who didnt mind being touched all the time. Some days i feel like im going mad and it is me thats the problem. His thinking of a wife is shes there to be used and touched whenever he feels like it. My feelings and views to him are just me being difficult and trying to control him. He has now suggested we each find someone else to have sex with to see what it is like. Ive explained to him so many ways and times this isnt something i want but as usual he just talks over me and disregards how i feel. Anyone else with a difficult husband? /

THIS.

it’s nothing to do with the “normal” feeling a man would have whilst engaging in sex. His “thrill” is now mentally coming from being abusive, coercive and perverted. He’s a very dangerous man.

Difficult?!!!
He sounds absolutely repulsive.
I’d put money on him having a porn addiction.
He’s coercive, abusive and disrespectful.
For your kids’ sakes - get rid; he’s vile

Sadly as soon as the op revealed she had teen daughters and this vile leech is her boyfriend…. And we expressed our horror at this for them, the op appears to have left her thread because we were telling her what she doesn’t want to hear. She is letting her daughters down by allowing this man in their home.

He needs to go.

Your home life sounds exhausting. Which I'm assuming is why you've been unable to step back from the trees and see the woods.

Your husband is not 'difficult' - your husband is abusive, a sex pest, and predatory. He is a danger to your 13 year old daughter; not just by talking about sex in front of her, but because he appears to lack inhibitions and so could be a physical danger to her. Is your 19 year old a daughter too?

You should feel no guilt in telling him to leave - he is able to support himself financially. His health problems are many, but they are HIS problems and you should not take them onto your own shoulders. Your duty is to your children and yourself, first and foremost.

You NEED to tell him to leave.

I think people are assuming the worst because you've painted such a repulsive picture of him that it's hard to imagine anything but the worst! You also haven't seemed able to summon up any redeeming qualities whatsoever. I'm not sure what help or advice anyone can give. Either there is something amiss medically causing his lack of inhibition/early dementia or he is just a grotesque fool. Only you know which is likely to be the truth.

Realistically, for your children's sake if not your own, your only two options are either to deal with the medical problems or get as far away from him as fast as you possibly can. I would find it hard to be anywhere near him for another day, to be honest.

My first thought is perhaps your husband is overcompensating for the inability to have sex? It's possible he's constantly pestering you and talking about sex, is because he's feeling inadequate and is trying to convince himself there's nothing wrong? I agree with others, it could be a sign of dementia or something similar or even a reaction to medication? Regardless of the reasons, his behaviour is awful. Treating you like a piece of meat or some kind of sex toy. You aren't there for his sexual pleasure. The fact he's talking about sex in front of your 13 year old is quite disturbing and quite frankly disgusting. She's autistic, so vulnerable and she's a child. This rings big alarm bells to me, and I'd say he's a safeguarding concern. You need to see if your partner will go to see his GP (and you go with him) and see if there is a medical reason for his behaviour. If he refuses any suggestion of seeking help, he needs to move out. Your priority is to protect your children, and they shouldn't have to put up with your husband making sexual remarks in front of them.

He is awful coercive and controlling, he isnt the father of your children and even if he was I would still leave him.

What joy does he bring to your life?

So these poor teen girls will continue to exist in this home. With their mother’s disgusting boyfriend who’s doing goodness knows what to them behind the OP’s back.

and a mother who…. 🤷‍♀️

He’s not difficult, he’s vile and dangerous. And you are exposing your children to this behaviour.

It’s interesting that this man has had a leg amputated, a kidney transplant, has diabetes and suffers from erectile disfunction but is proposing you both find other sexual partners? I can’t work out whether that’s massive over confidence / denial or whether he is suffering from some cognitive impairment.

Sounds like a brain injury

Why are you asking if anyone else has a difficult husband? You have a sexually abusive husband and need to end the relationship.

That’s exactly what I thought, who does he think is going to shag him, unless he pays them?!

You’re allowing him to erode boundaries by sexually harassing you/his daughters. And it is sexual harassment. Look at the maple you’re giving them, like men like this are normal. If any sort of child safeguarding found out about this, one things that they’d consider is that he may be grooming them for abuse. Which I’d also be considering

And with a young teen step daughter in the house the risk here is catastrophic. He needs to leave.

How can someone with no feelings in their penis and who is impotent be a sex pest?! I thought that if the penis doesn't work then sexual desire would decrease. I mean he can't come? Unless he can if you penetrate him?

Either way he sounds really selfish and annoying and what is the main reason for being with him?

Surely you deserve someone who respects your sexual boundaries and pulls their weight emotionally in the relationship?

I’ve been through exactly this. My DH started taking viagra because he enjoyed how it made him feel, even though he still couldn’t “perform” (thank god). In his mind I was lucky because he found me so desirable but I’ve never felt less attractive or sexy in my life. He was saying things in front of my DD, she was late teens at the time, and he regularly claimed to see me having sex with strange men when I was sitting on the couch watching telly. The doctors briefly asked about loss of inhibition, often overspending or gambling, but really didn’t want to know about hyper sexuality as it was all too awkward and anyway wasn’t it a benefit? 😱 The attached article refers specifically to Parkinson’s (which DH had) but the side effects of the drugs, beginnings of dementia and hallucinations might be common
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cpqnpryxvrro

Doesn't sound like he looks after himself if he's had constant hospital stays serious enough to be in intensive care, along with complications from his diabetes, including being partially sighted and having no feeling in his penis!

Not hard to understand why people have assumed the worst including that he's claiming benefits, when he's an amputee on top of all of that.

Get him out the house and protect your children.

I am not a clinician but if this were a family member, I'd have concerns about loss of inhibition and potential frontotemporal dementia.

Also, whether the person is on any prescription medications like dopamine agonists. There may be a lot more going on, here.

This is so so concerning. A vulnerable 13 year old girl having to listen to this mane being hypersexual. Not only is this highly inappropriate, she is home schooled so unable to tell another adult if any other form of abuse is happening 😕

Yuk! Move out and make sure he’s never around your daughter alone.

She literally mentions her daughter in the first post!

If i say no that wont be the end of it and untill i fall asleep he will push for it several more times

He's fucking disgusting. Dump him.