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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Difficult Husband

78 replies

BeLimeUser · 09/11/2025 15:44

Been with my o/h for 6 years now. In the last 4 years husbands health has gotten really bad. Constant hospital stays with most being serious enough for intensive care stays. Husband is diabetic and through complications does not get an erection or any feeling in his penis. For him this is a big issue and i understand this. We do have toys we use so we do have some sex life. Our problem is my husband would have it every night if he could. If i say no that wont be the end of it and untill i fall asleep he will push for it several more times. Even waking me during the night to ask for it. But for me after caring for him and my 13 year old autistic daughter who doesnt attend school anymore so im home schooling, still doing all the usual things the home needs because he does nothing, no cooking cleaning or even just going to the shop, the last thing i want to do is have sex. He sees this is a big problem and often gets quite huffy and nasty. Lost count how many times ive been told im weird because i ask him to stop bloody touching me after hes been doing it all day.Im not on overly touchy feely person but hes like an octopus 24 hours a day. For the last year and a half hes changed so much to the point that sex is all he talks about even in front of the kids which understandably makes them uncomfortable. Every time i try to bring any of it up he turns it on me and its all my fault that he doesnt get anything from sex its my fault im not likes his ex's who didnt mind being touched all the time. Some days i feel like im going mad and it is me thats the problem. His thinking of a wife is shes there to be used and touched whenever he feels like it. My feelings and views to him are just me being difficult and trying to control him. He has now suggested we each find someone else to have sex with to see what it is like. Ive explained to him so many ways and times this isnt something i want but as usual he just talks over me and disregards how i feel. Anyone else with a difficult husband? /

OP posts:
BeLimeUser · 09/11/2025 16:22

Starlight7080 · 09/11/2025 16:14

Is he the father to your children ?
Its abusive towards them if he is discussing sex in front of them . Especially in front of your vulnerable asd child.

He's not, i have a 19 year old and 13 year old who spend time with their dad. I have told him he cant talk to my 13 year old like shes an adult because shes not and that if it continues then he will have to move out.

OP posts:
BeLimeUser · 09/11/2025 16:25

Rocknrollstar · 09/11/2025 15:54

Are you sure he hasn’t got the beginnings of dementia? An obsession with sex is often one of the symptoms.

The last few months i have actually said a few times i think theres something wrong memory wise. He repeats things like hes telling me it for the first time, he puts things down then thinks someone else have moved it because hes forgot where hes put it.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 09/11/2025 16:25

Doesn’t he sound a delight? I would leave someone who tried to sexually coerce me in a heartbeat. He sounds utterly vile to me.

YodasHairyButt · 09/11/2025 16:26

I wonder whether he’s feeling emasculated by his physical issues and his obsession is some kind of over compensation? It’s not an excuse at all and he needs to understand that you are not his sex doll and his attitude is having the completely opposite effect. Threatening you with comparisons to his exes is also emotional abuse and manipulation, so you have a few problems here. But be clear, he is the problem not you.

Didkyle · 09/11/2025 16:26

BeLimeUser · 09/11/2025 16:22

He's not, i have a 19 year old and 13 year old who spend time with their dad. I have told him he cant talk to my 13 year old like shes an adult because shes not and that if it continues then he will have to move out.

omfg

These poor girls are living with your boyfriend who is an absolute sex pest, who just lies around their home all day every day

does it occur to you that he eyes them up and is lecherous to them

this is seriously disturbing

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 09/11/2025 16:28

Your post made my skin crawl…. Talking about sex in front of your children!!!! That’s not ok yuk

on top of constantly pestering you “like an octopus “‘that sentence made my fanny slam shut!!

I think either investigate the drug mixture he’s taking , dementia or get the f out of there…. He’s not difficult he’s an arse

Starlight7080 · 09/11/2025 16:30

BeLimeUser · 09/11/2025 16:22

He's not, i have a 19 year old and 13 year old who spend time with their dad. I have told him he cant talk to my 13 year old like shes an adult because shes not and that if it continues then he will have to move out.

As a mum to a autistic daughter I am shocked you have not protected her from him.
He has no respect for her . It is abuse !
Stop thinking about yourself. Or him and put your children first

LoudSnoringDog · 09/11/2025 16:30

He shouldn’t be talking like it in front of the 19 year old either! This is very concerning.
You are either living with someone who has possible early onset dementia OR a pervert. You need to work out which it is.

SweetMotherofAbrahamLincoln · 09/11/2025 16:32

He sounds absolutely vulgar. You couldn’t pay me to be with a man like this, my vaginal lips would tie in a knot, never to be opened again. Talking about sex to his 13 year old autistic daughter? Fucking hell.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 09/11/2025 16:35

SweetMotherofAbrahamLincoln · 09/11/2025 16:32

He sounds absolutely vulgar. You couldn’t pay me to be with a man like this, my vaginal lips would tie in a knot, never to be opened again. Talking about sex to his 13 year old autistic daughter? Fucking hell.

Worse … his step daughter… major alarm bells going off for me

yeesh · 09/11/2025 16:36

He is disgusting, he is treating you like toy not a person. Talking about sex in front of your child is classed as sexual abuse by the way. You really need to protect your daughter from him even if you don’t want to protect yourself. You really need to think about leaving him, he is treating you terribly

SweetMotherofAbrahamLincoln · 09/11/2025 16:38

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 09/11/2025 16:35

Worse … his step daughter… major alarm bells going off for me

Oh wow, I missed that. Alarm bells going off for me too..

ginasevern · 09/11/2025 16:40

Sounds like this is all somehow part of his various medical conditions if he wasn't like it before. But it is intolerable for you and awful for your kids. I would take him up on the offer of finding someone else to have sex with. Let him find someone else -permanently.

Mumofteenandtween · 09/11/2025 16:40

And me. This is very worrying indeed. Can your daughters go and live fulltime with their dad whilst you manage to sort things out?

bananapies · 09/11/2025 16:42

Id start the new year with a divorce.

Endofyear · 09/11/2025 16:42

What he's doing is abusive OP - touching without your consent, badgering you for sex when you're unwilling, talking about sex in front of your child... all these things are abusive.

I would not spend another day under the same roof as him in your shoes. Do you own the home? Or is it jointly owned. If it's yours, I'd be telling him to leave.

Didkyle · 09/11/2025 16:44

These poor poor teen girls

what life is this
and their own mother just allowing it to happen

and no escape. He is at home all day every day. Festering.

ChikinLikin · 09/11/2025 16:44

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Especially in front of a step daughter. It is abusive and I would say criminal. And it must be unbearable for you. He has no respect for you. Do you want to end the relationship?

Zempy · 09/11/2025 16:46

I could not live like this. Can you leave him?

SwanSong30 · 09/11/2025 16:49

OP, I hope you’re ok. I think there is possibly something medical going on with your partner, I’d encourage him to go to the doctor. You could also contact the doctor to discuss your concerns prior to him going in - they won’t be able to give any personal info over, but they can make a note of your concerns.

to the people judging the partner - people with early dementia or brain issues can display this type of behaviour. It doesn’t at all make it right or ok, but he may be unaware of his behaviour and have no ability to stop it.

Yung93 · 09/11/2025 16:51

Hi, I’m sorry to hear this. I understand his income isn’t anything to do with this as such but has he been acting like this since receiving compensation? I only ask, as this could be relevant to why he thinks he can just have sex when he demands it because he now may see himself with all this power and above you that you may feel compelled to satisfy him.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/11/2025 16:51

Any chance that the accident that lost him his leg caused any form of brain injury?

PrincessofWells · 09/11/2025 16:54

Why are you still there?

MissDoubleU · 09/11/2025 17:16

I’d be telling him he has to leave. Protect your vulnerable DD and yourself from this creep.

MissDoubleU · 09/11/2025 17:18

What he is “getting” out of sex is simply power and control. Probably as he is struggling with lack of physical sexual feeling/satisfaction, not feeling “like a man,” or similar. He is overcompensating by being relentlessly creepy and treating you like an object who exists to make him feel better.

Regardless, leave. No good man would treat you this way and you can’t stay with him just because of his accident. He’s being abusive.