OLD - would you have replied to this message? (Light hearted)

[nocontactquery]

A bit light-hearted and a bit genuinely interested!

I am a 38 year old professional woman dating and looking for a serious relationship/life partner (all clear from my profile). I do generally have decent luck with meeting decent men, but only because I have strong filtering I think.

This is an example of someone who did not get through my filtering and gets an instant delete.

Got a "like" on my profile and the comment (from a 36 year old teacher) was: "A really cute and pretty photo of you here. When's the next holiday? You seem really sweet, or maybe a little trouble. which one are you though. Haha"

Edited to add - my photos are all completely normal, fully dressed, smiling photos - a few in different locations when travelling etc. Nothing remotely revealing/short/booby - not that is should particularly matter, but you know what I mean - I'm not pouting into a mirror or anything!

Instant "ick" for me on many levels and I'm just fascinated by any woman who would reply to that? Why? Some women would, surely, or he would not have sent a message like that? It all just sounds like something a 20 year old might send to start up flirty/sexualised banter perhaps... The mind boggles..

It is a bit cringe but online dating is hard! You have to try and make an impact quite quickly. Glad im out of the dating game!

I would ignore the general "How are you" and did gravitate towards the more funny/ more thought out responses.

He might be a gem and might just be trying to grab your attention. You would know after about 3 messages back and forth.

Honestly.. I would probably reply to that...

Guess that must say something about me then!

"A really cute and pretty photo of you here. When's the next holiday? You seem really sweet, or maybe a little trouble. which one are you though. Haha"

Instant ick for me too.

Could be sooo much worse. And I agree a low bar isn’t a good bar. However I don’t have a problem with this message and would probably respond. Easy enough to weed him out later if discussion takes a turn I don’t want.

Yeah, that would ring a little warning bell for me. However, I’d probably message a bit more - people often don’t know what to say with OLD so can say things that aren’t necessarily an indicator of their personality.

No reply from me. He lost me at 'cute', 'pretty' and 'sweet'.

Its really hard to stand out - especially for men!

I met DP in a pub but we chatted through text a fair bit before starting to date. Honestly he comes across as totally cringe online and I almost didnt go on a first date with him... but im super glad I did. In person he was just an absolute gem.

Nowt wrong with that

The comment is a bit infantilising isn't it?

OP I’m fully with you on this one. Had the same kind of photos, not presenting myself as anything but a person who does things and is (hopefully) interesting. I think my filters are sensitive, but not overly so. If a guy is wanting me to be like, “oh hee hee yes I’m sometimes a little cheeky wink wink” then boke. But absolutely yes, that’s what some people are looking for and that’s not a bad thing, just not my taste. Your filters are saving you time and energy. My filters had me go on a date with a man who want that fussed about chatting loads, was more keen to meet and chat irl and see what was what. Reader I (well not married but) bought a house and am trying to have a kid with him.

interestingly my flatmate looked at my profile and was like oh no noooo you need to be sexier in your photos, they all just make you look nice but not sexy. Lucky my dp found “nice” sexy.

The sweet and pretty wouldn't bother me-it's a dating site after all-and I would prefer it to sour and plain.

I wouldn't like the trouble comment though and so, I wouldn't reply.

Not that bad compared to eome messages I've had. The latest one..."nice tits" 🤔 i swiped by but after I thought I should have said "shame you won't be seeing them!! 😂😂 Always think of the answer when its too late 😂

I would have replied and given feedback. He might be a decent guy who struggles chatting online? Not sure I'd date him though?

OLD is hard. Took me a while to find my prince amongst the frogs.

absolutely not. Follow Burned Haystack Dating Method.

One of the things she cautions against is men who only lead with how you look - like that prince! And boke at 'cute'!

Eww no! That would definitely put me off, so cringy 😬

This is the main thing - cute I can maybe let go (I mean, I'm pushing 40 - almost 39 but still.. ) "sweet" is not ok for me - why would you want a woman to be sweet- what's your mindset here? But the "or are you trouble" comment is the hard ick.. It's like he wants me to jump on board the whole "ooh I can be naughty and nice" type chat.. yuck..

Agreed but cute is for bunnies, puppies and kittens (if it's a child talking). Commenting on your appearance is a big misstep in a reply imho - it shows a huge lack of situational awareness doesn't it - not understanding other perspectives? A specific comment on something they liked in your profile and a reason to qualify why they are making the comment is the most obvious way to go.

It's a bit ick but I'm sure you have seen much worse. Can't really judge whether it's meant to be funny or if he's a perv' without seeing his profile.

Cute, sweet are yuck

haha would have finished it.

where are all the genuinely funny, witty, interesting men ?

I think there is bit of unrealistic expectation that every guys first line messaging on a dating app is on a par with Oscar Wilde.

My OH would be shit at sending opening lines on a dating app but is funny & clever in real conversation.

I wouldn’t respond.

Yeah he’s leading you into sex talk and preferences immediately. So if that’s not for you then just ignore

"Trouble" translates to me as "has thoughts and preferences and is not afriad to express them, but I 'll soon sort that out [the saucy minx]". It gives me the rage, some blokes use it towards me in a work context and I ' m past 60 and older than them. So patronising and demeaning. I don't think you say that sort of thing even out of awkwardess, unless your whole MO is powered by misogyny.

Sweet, cute etc from a random bloke makes my skin crawl!!

I'd give him once chance to redeem himself (if the rest of his profile and pics were favorable). I'd reply with something about a holiday destination / liking travel and maybe ask a question about his last or next holiday. Any further attempts swing the conversation to whether I'm sweet / trouble or naughty/ nice etc 🤢 would seal the deal on the ick though!