Child contact

[PumpkinSpiceCake]

My ex hasn’t had contact with our children in 2.5 years. I’d like to reach out and ask if he would like to have contact again (slowly building up) has anyone done this and how best to make contact?

I don’t really need people to understand, unless you are in the situation then it is probably very difficult to understand.

I think it depends on how old your kids are and how able they are to understand why contact stopped before, to understand what might happen if you reach out and how he might not follow through and how equipped you feel they are to deal with their feelings if it goes badly and he doesn't follow through. Mine doesn't see his dad, there are good reasons for that and I can recognise that a father figure is really important and he needs a dad in his life, while also recognising that his dad cannot be the dad he needs and I need to protect him from that. And that's a really shit place to be.

How old are your kids and how informed are they? I think you also need to consider if you're trying to engage their dad because they are struggling and he lets them down, will that make things worse?

Half arsed story, can't stand these ridiculous threads with not enough details.

Then don’t read? I’m not asking for permission from mumsnet I asked if anyone has done this and how to word a message.

They are preteens and yes I think they will understand.

Don't put any thought into how to word the message. Give it as much consideration as the deadbeat has given the kids he created.
'Do you plan to parent your kids at all?' is fine.

It should be something simple as 'I've been thinking we should reconsider how much contact you have with the kids. I feel they need their father in their life and would benefit from knowing you, what do you think about reconnecting with them?'

I'd still err on the side of not bothering, he knows they exist, any man not pushing to see his kids is only going to let them down. But as you are going to make contact, good luck and I hope it goes as well as can be

This is where you are wrong, it’s your child’s life so you impact and do what you want but I doubt any good will come from it. Most of us are mothers some in the situation where the fathers a total waste some where the fathers not had contact for longer than yours so it’s not that we don’t understand. Many do but many are sensible and head strong enough not to want or feel the need to remind the father he’s got a child he already knew he had sat there waiting for him when in reality you could just be building a life without him and rhe child be absolutely fine.