Clare’s Law

[charlielou90]

Hey, please no nasty comments, I’m asking for advice, I did a Clare’s law on my daughters father, as one of his ex’s told me to. I didn’t think anything of it. But obviously went through it. And just now I’ve had been to the disclosure information with the PC! And oh my god I burst into tears hearing everything that was told! He’s never once lay his hands on me, or even been horrible, he does raise his voice though. But what I just told I’m in so much shock! But when I asked for it on email or sent to me by post she said I’m so sorry I can’t do that due to the information that has been told and Incase I share it. Which I never would knowing how dangerous he now is!! But how do people actually get the information as proof?? I wanted to show my mum so she’s knows everything. My house has now been put on priority for the police to come if he was to ever come to mine with a weapon!!
I’m so upset and shocked.
The PC officer I was talking to said I wouldn’t even mention to him you’ve done a Clare’s law because of how dangerous he is you never know what could happen. So I said I agree I will NOT tell him.
Anyone been in this situation? X

Is he on your daughter's birth certificate? Are you still together?

Why have you posted the same thing twice?

Someone told me to post it to the relationship one instead? I didn’t know what to post it under. I do apologies x

He’s actually not on the B/C, she does have his last name though. He wasn’t able to get the tile off work when I booked the date to register her. And no not together now x

Hopefully you will get plenty of great advice hear as there are plenty of people with experience. Make sure you delete the other thread so you don't have the two going at once.
It would be good if you could give some basic history of the relationship - timelines etc as people will ask for that. Don't put any information on here that can id you or him

Does he take parenting time? Is he paying childcare support? Is he interested in DD?

I'm trying to understand how intermingled your life and DD's life are with his.

Because violent abusers of women are very unlikely to be good fathers to a daughter.

I’m not sure how to delete the 1st thread I did? I did report it to be taken down? But it’s still there ? X

Unhelpful and insensitive.I'd say you're a a Yeti.

Not really no. Only when it suits him he will want to see her, but again, never on his own, always with me around. Like I said me and him are pretty close, “was” as I’m not really sure I want to be around him myself!
he does pay child maintenance every month, when he’s with our daughter he’s the most happiest, fun, chatty man ever. This is what confuses me, he’s lovely to be around. X

Sorry: i didn’t mean to post it twice. I’m new to posting myself so I wasn’t sure what to put the thread under. X

What does pretty close mean?

Does he have other children?

We will text each other, asking how we both are, if one of us are popping to the supermarket we will phone and ask each other if we need anything, he’s always asking if I need anything or our daughter needs anything, if he wants to go for walks or anything he will always ask us along. And joke around , that kinda close if that makes sense? And no he doesn’t have any other children. X

Helpful.

How long have you known each other? Were you in a relationship? It sounds like you're surprised as you feel it's out of character from what you know of him.

Does he live nearby? Does he have the key to your place? How often do you see him? Approximately how old is DD (don't give us an exact age)? Does he have another gf?

What does he want from you?

I’ve known him round 4 years now. And exactly that. It’s really baffled me. How dangerous he has been.

He lives very close by, doesn’t have a key! And we see each other about 3 / 4 days a week. And I don’t think he has a girlfriend? I’m not 100% sure. But now saying this, I was reading something on his phone that he was showing me, and I didn’t even have time to read it with out him snatching it out my hand. X

So it sounds like you were friends but no longer romantically involved? Maybe you're (were?) still a bit hung up on him?

Before you saw the PC, what kind of relationship did you envision to have with him in the future?

No longer romantically since having our daughter. There is NO love there for him, I like him. But don’t see a relationship with him.

and well he wanted a little room at his for her , he wanted to decorate nicely for her to have her own room, but what he heard “he harmed his ex and child” NO bloody way is he having her on his own.

I don’t want to see him again if I’m honest.

Op, sorry, my comment was for AmIHumanOrAYeti for being insensitive.I hope you have people irl to talk to, but as the police said, if he is that dangerous, be careful.

Unfortunately I don’t have no one to talk to in real life. I’m kinda on my own, his parents are involved but now it’s made me think twice about them! Why don’t they tell me anything!

"when he’s with our daughter he’s the most happiest, fun, chatty man ever. This is what confuses me, he’s lovely to be around"

Many abusive men are charming and lovely on the surface, that's how they get close enough to women to abuse them. The disconnect between their mask and who they really are is also what gets women trapped: she becomes confused, and scared, and often starts to think that if she does whatever he wants, the lovely charmer will return and the violent abuser will disappear.

The violent abuser is the real him. The lovely charmer is just a mask that he puts on to get what he wants.

I advise you to read "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft.

Here is a free pdf

https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html

Wow I never seen it like that 😞 I’m still shocked and what do I do? If he asks to us again? I’m scared if I say NO he will turn abusive or something now x

He harmed his ex and child? Her child by another man? Did he not go to prison?

I suspect the relationship ended before he revealed himself. You've likely had a lucky escape.

Talk to women's aid for advice how to handle him. They will have the best advice.

OK, good to hear that.

You mentioned that he's raised his voice? Was that to you?

When he attacked his ex and her child, what were the circumstances?

I am trying to figure out what triggers this man's mask to slip, and if it's possible to avoid that while you get yourself and your daughter away from him.