Would you reconsider your marriage over this?

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DH has said that the dominant people in mental health institutions are the result of Pakistani cousin marriage. Obviously this is untrue and some kind of racist talking point he's picked up. He also keeps banging on about immigration and the cost of hotels. I don’t share several of his political beliefs, but didn't think he was actually racist, until now.

I don’t have the headspace to deal with this, as I’m in the first six months of a new job and need to focus all of my efforts on that (as well as the kids, parents, house etc.)

When he said it, I was busy with other things, so other than me saying, "That's clearly not true" we haven't discussed it. He can tell I’m out of sorts, but I’ve said there’s nothing wrong, as nothing good can come of us talking about this, and I don’t want it to derail my working week.

What would you do? How do I bury this for now and stop this thought running around my head, which is essentially “F*&%, I’m married to a racist”?

We’ve had an endless sh*tshow the last few years - illness, death, financial woes - and I thought things were on the up. Why does he have to come out with this bombshell now, FFS?

I honestly couldn’t be married to someone with such views. Sorry. Must be very tiresome.

Ask him for the stats and rely on facts rather than feelings.

Having spent a reasonable amount of time visiting MH institutions over the years, that's bollocks. Mainly just ill people, who can be of any and all extraction.

Is he normally racist?

Obvs it's not true. I wouldn't have said he was racist before, no. Sometimes he'll say slightly unPC things but never all out racism.

Red flag certainly and I would tell him so.
Deal breaker on the marriage? Not sure.
I would certainly be asking him to explain where that comment came from then act accordingly.

What area is he from? An area where Pakistani marriages are common?

Hmm I have my 86 year old FIL over for Sunday dinner today- Andrew ( ex Prince) is apparently just a bit of a naughty boy and been scapegoated and plenty of other GB News type bullshit too , you would think all white men were totally up standing and never in trouble with the law the way he goes on -

The only way forward in the marriage, is to absolutely agree never to discuss these kinds of issues. With the best will in the world, two people are never going to agree on everything.

We live in an area of the UK with a large Pakistani population. I have no idea about the marriage stats.

He sounds thick as shit.

I couldn’t bear to sit in the same room as him.

Of course, but there's a difference between disagreeing about what to have for dinner and disagreeing about fundamental values!

He's obviously feeling confident enough to show his true beliefs now. In answer to your question, no, I couldn't be married to a racist.

OP, you said "DH has said that the dominant people in mental health institutions are the result of Pakistani cousin marriage"

I can't tell you the statistics to prove that statement.

However, it has been shown that babies from Pakistani born couples are over represented in neo-natal units suffering from birth defects.

https://www.financialexpress.com/business/healthcare-silent-epidemic-cousin-marriages-linked-to-33-of-genetic-disorders-in-british-pakistani-kids-3909921/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-23183102

So he has a point that cousin to cousin marriages aren't genetically recommended.

That is not a "racist" opinion.

what does it matter what other people think
it depends on your circumstances what you want to do about your relationship

(a) Would Mumsnet exist if we didn't want other people's opinions?

(b) I'm not really asking what to do about my relationship. I'm asking how I can put this behind me and focus on my job, kids and all my other responsibilities. You can't just have a quick chat with DH... it will turn into some long, drawn-out conversation that means I don't get to bed till past midnight, and I can't afford to be wrecked with tiredness all week.

Hmm I don’t know about mental health but I have two nurse friends who work at Great Ormond Street Hospital.
They have both separately said there is a huge proportion of children who are admitted long term at the hospital due to illnesses and birth defects stemming from being born by parents who are relatives.

Which is obviously only certain groups in society which do this culturally

I was surprised at the fact and also both friends are the kindest, most non racist people. They were simply stating what they witnessed at work day in and day out

Why do you have to make a Three Act Drama out of it?

My DH has some crackpot ideas about all sorts of things.

We disagree about many issues.

DH supports space exploration - I say that it's inappropriate when people in this world are starving - let's sort out our own planet.

Your DH has a point, IMO he's half right.

Is it worth wrecking a marriage for ??

It's very difficult to discover this about a person when you are already married with kids, house, financial interdependence etc.

This was a red flag for me about 2 years into a relationship with my soulmate or so I thought - I was upset because there had been a plane crash on the news with many killed including children, and he went " it doesn't matter because they are all .. " and then referenced their ethnicity.

That relationship went on to end for multiple reasons and I am glad.

However I wonder if your husband has always been that way or if he may have become influenced or radicalised by malign actors more recently, in which case it may be something that can be addressed.

Certain health conditions are more common when a child's parents are genetically related however this was recently picked up on and distorted somewhat by the media, so he may simply be latching on to something without any real understanding.

However if you think it is a true reflection of his character then no I wouldn't want to be in that relationship long term either.

Also bear in mind the potential for influencing your children, I don't know their ages or if he makes comments in their presence that you wouldn't want them exposed to.

@Charliede1182 so he may simply be latching on to something without any real understanding.

I would tend to agree with the above.

Thank you to all who've posted so far - this is food for thought, and exactly why I posted. You're right @barleyblues. I don't have to make it into such a big deal. I'm tired and disappointed as I thought we were getting closer, not further apart. But maybe @Charliede1182 has nailed it. He's latched onto something and distorted it in his head. In any other week I would have challenged him on it then and there, but things have been crazy, and I'm exhausted.

Maybe I have to assume he didn't really mean it and try to move on. And if anything similar comes up when I've caught up on sleep, I'll challenge him.

To all who've mentioned the very real issues for children of related parents, I am aware. It's just that the stat he quoted was so ridiculous I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. I guess I'm almost as disappointed in his critical thinking skills as I am in the racist undertones to what he's saying.

I couldn’t stay married to him.

There are no stats that I can see though there is an increased risk. A quick google shows the following based on a very small study. Specific statistics for the
exact percentage of all people currently in mental healthcare units who were born from "in family" marriages (consanguineous or incestuous unions) are not available in general population studies. The available research focuses on the increased risk of mental health disorders in individuals with consanguineous parents, rather than the total percentage of this group within the general psychiatric population.
Studies have established the following:

• Increased Risk: Children of consanguineous (closely related, such as first-cousin) parents are at a significantly higher risk for certain severe genetic disorders and some mental health conditions, including psychoses (like schizophrenia) and mood disorders (depression and anxiety).
• Specific Risk Ratios: One large population-wide study in Northern Ireland found that children of first-cousin parents were:
• More than twice as likely to receive antipsychotic medication compared with children of non-related parents (odds ratio 2.13).
• More than three times as likely to receive antidepressant or anxiolytic medication (odds ratio 3.01).

@barleyblues Can I ask, don't you find your DH's "crackpot ideas" a bit of a turn off? Or embarrassing in front of friends and family?

I would not write him off on the basis of this one comment. Maybe he was just confused - as others have said there is some truth in closely-related relatives marrying having a higher degree of health problems - or maybe somebody he trusted told him it was true. I would want to know what other opinions he has first!

Remarks like the one a pp mentioned re: the plane crash are more clear cut - out and out racist and no room for misinterpretation.

Come off it. Of course 'most of the people in mental health institutions are Pakistani' is a racist statement.