Should I be worried or is this 100% my problem?

[StringTheorist]

So myself (31M) and my GF (43F) have been together since May 2024. We first met as online language exchange partners then it progressed into what it is now. She lives in NY (but is from Taiwan and has been here 2.5 years) and I am from and live in Texas.
We've had our natural ups and downs, but overall she puts in a lot of effort. She:
-Talks about a future together (will sometimes say "when we have a house together one day we need to have xyz")
-She's interested in keeping healthy relationships with my family members despite the language difference (and has already got a Christmas gift for my mother and father)
-When she comes to stay with me in Texas, its 2-6 weeks at a time and no matter how tired she is in the mornings, she cooks for me and makes sure that I have breakfast, a lunch to take to work, and dinner prepared when I get home every single day.
-She's loving, affectionate, etc and she puts in effort to call and text me daily (for instance, on Tuesday night this week, she called me once I got home from work - I didn't answer because I was busy at the moment; she called me again just 10 minutes later.
Sometimes I get insecure and I would browse her Instagram followers. She has roughly 500 followers and follows 687 people. I remember doing this in April 2024 (right before we met in person), October 2024, and then the last time I did was some time during the summer this year (June/July/August). I noticed a new male follower I had not seen before.

Between him and my GF:

• My GF has never mentioned him before

-He's Ukrainian and there's no evidence that he's ever studied Mandarin -They have nothing in common (he's an engineer and my GF is an eyebrow artist) -His IG account is private, as is my GF's. -All of my GF's NYC friends are Asian and speak - Cantonese, Mandarin and or English. Most of her friends are back in Taiwan, China, etc. -Both live in NYC

With that being said, my girlfriend last posted public posts on IG back in May 2025. Up until Tuesday night and today, where she made two new IG posts.
One of the posts was of a tree with a caption about Fall weather. The unknown Ukrainian "Liked" it. That was Tuesday night. And he liked it within 6 hours of it being posted (at least).
Her post today actually had a picture of her in her Halloween costume with a female friend of hers. The Ukrainian follower liked the post within 4 hours of posting or sooner.

That's two likes this week, on one that was a neutral post (the tree) and then one that featured her in a Halloween costume with some of her female friends.

This is so hard to decide on because she does so much, puts in the effort of texting and calling every day, spends weeks at a time in Texas, leaves personal belongings at my home here in Texas, talks about a future together, etc
Should I bring this up to her? She already knows I'm a little insecure and I don't want to drive her way with distrust, jealousy and other things. But a second "Like" goes from benign, anomaly, no meaning to (more likely) intent, interest, or something going on.
I also noticed that when I was last in NY at the end of September, she had her IG notifications on and opened in when I sent her something via DM (in view where I could see), but would only browse Facebook and other apps when around me - everything but IG (when in times past, she would jump from people's stories and reels on IG, then Facebook, then Whatsapp and so on).
If I weren't on Instagram (which should not exist), I would have no worries, relationship stress and so on.

What the heck do I do? Sorry its such a long post.

Placemarking

Care to elaborate?

think it would be really helpful for you to take some time to reflect on yourself and what’s driving your feelings in this situation. Talking it through with a therapist or counselor could also be beneficial.

From my perspective, there’s absolutely nothing unusual about someone she’s friends with on social media liking a couple of her posts. She’s free to accept friend requests and interact with people as she chooses.

At the stage of life you’re both at, this kind of issue is more typical of teenage relationships, so it might be worth exploring why it’s coming up for you. Understanding and working through this will make it much easier to build and maintain a healthy, trusting relationship going forward.

Ok I stopped reading when I saw you analysing her instagram followers. Just stop. She clearly likes you and this is ridiculous.

Is there a reason you
dont trust her
or have concerns? My husband doesnt even have my instagram so wouldnt know or care!

If I weren't on Instagram (which should not exist), I would have no worries, relationship stress and so on.

So surely the obvious solution is to delete Instagram? Then you look for a therapist who can work with you to challenge the internal insecurities which are driving you to obsessive behaviour that is verging on abusive.

Stop being batshit. Instagram likes are really not that deep.

So on 3 separate occasions you've trawled through her 500 Instagram follower - looking for what exactly? And then you've found one man, out of 500 people that you've decided to hone in on.

This is 100% a you problem. You genuinely need to have a good think about why you're doing this based on absolutely nothing. You're literally inventing problems..

Mate. You should break up with her because you are a crazy stalker. There is absolutely nothing your girlfriend could do or say to stop you being paranoid because the paranoia is inside your head.

In all seriousness, a therapist might be able to help you understand where the line between reality and your fears lies, and help you figure out how to deal with it all.

100% your problem.

I think you would benefit from some support in RL for your anxieties. Your behaviour is odd.

You’re insecure and went looking for a problem. If not the Ukrainian guy you would have honed in on something else. This is 100% a you problem.

Sort yourself out, this is 100000% an insecure man problem.

Sometimes I get insecure and I would browse her Instagram followers

That's your problem right there, mate. And yes it is 100% your problem.

No - place marking because I couldn’t post at that time & wanted to return to the thread later

It's even more creepy when you put it like this, laid out.

Breathe op. She calls you every day and she absolutely waits on her. You are not entitled to judge her for a random man liking her Instagram.
to be honest, does she make all the effort here? I think you should go visit her for a week at least and cook her dinner every night, because there’s no way I’d do what she does for you or for my husband.

Agreed, this is very much a you problem.

She cannot be held accountable for a man (his nationality is irrelevant here) liking a couple of her posts.

I actually think you should tell her that you have noticed this, and give her the chance towalk away if she dislikes this level of scrutiny.

Out of interest, how would you feel if she analysed your social media interactions in this forensic fashion?

Personally I’d say she is keeping you sweet as you are her future husband and meal ticket in her head!!!

You have a real problem here. You

So you don’t trust her. The social media stuff is just detail but ultimately you suspect she isn’t been honest with you.

I work full-time where she doesn’t work at all and have visited her 8 times and have always been there for her and have always provided and entertained.

What exactly is this suppose to mean?

I don’t know what men mean exactly when they say they’ve ‘provided and entertained’, but in my experience very very few of them mean they did the washing, shopped, cooked, washed up, wiped the benches down and swept the floor.

Please seek some help this Instagram storking.