Should I be worried or is this 100% my problem?

[StringTheorist]

So myself (31M) and my GF (43F) have been together since May 2024. We first met as online language exchange partners then it progressed into what it is now. She lives in NY (but is from Taiwan and has been here 2.5 years) and I am from and live in Texas.
We've had our natural ups and downs, but overall she puts in a lot of effort. She:
-Talks about a future together (will sometimes say "when we have a house together one day we need to have xyz")
-She's interested in keeping healthy relationships with my family members despite the language difference (and has already got a Christmas gift for my mother and father)
-When she comes to stay with me in Texas, its 2-6 weeks at a time and no matter how tired she is in the mornings, she cooks for me and makes sure that I have breakfast, a lunch to take to work, and dinner prepared when I get home every single day.
-She's loving, affectionate, etc and she puts in effort to call and text me daily (for instance, on Tuesday night this week, she called me once I got home from work - I didn't answer because I was busy at the moment; she called me again just 10 minutes later.
Sometimes I get insecure and I would browse her Instagram followers. She has roughly 500 followers and follows 687 people. I remember doing this in April 2024 (right before we met in person), October 2024, and then the last time I did was some time during the summer this year (June/July/August). I noticed a new male follower I had not seen before.

Between him and my GF:

• My GF has never mentioned him before

-He's Ukrainian and there's no evidence that he's ever studied Mandarin -They have nothing in common (he's an engineer and my GF is an eyebrow artist) -His IG account is private, as is my GF's. -All of my GF's NYC friends are Asian and speak - Cantonese, Mandarin and or English. Most of her friends are back in Taiwan, China, etc. -Both live in NYC

With that being said, my girlfriend last posted public posts on IG back in May 2025. Up until Tuesday night and today, where she made two new IG posts.
One of the posts was of a tree with a caption about Fall weather. The unknown Ukrainian "Liked" it. That was Tuesday night. And he liked it within 6 hours of it being posted (at least).
Her post today actually had a picture of her in her Halloween costume with a female friend of hers. The Ukrainian follower liked the post within 4 hours of posting or sooner.

That's two likes this week, on one that was a neutral post (the tree) and then one that featured her in a Halloween costume with some of her female friends.

This is so hard to decide on because she does so much, puts in the effort of texting and calling every day, spends weeks at a time in Texas, leaves personal belongings at my home here in Texas, talks about a future together, etc
Should I bring this up to her? She already knows I'm a little insecure and I don't want to drive her way with distrust, jealousy and other things. But a second "Like" goes from benign, anomaly, no meaning to (more likely) intent, interest, or something going on.
I also noticed that when I was last in NY at the end of September, she had her IG notifications on and opened in when I sent her something via DM (in view where I could see), but would only browse Facebook and other apps when around me - everything but IG (when in times past, she would jump from people's stories and reels on IG, then Facebook, then Whatsapp and so on).
If I weren't on Instagram (which should not exist), I would have no worries, relationship stress and so on.

What the heck do I do? Sorry its such a long post.

To break out the insecurities she must gain your trust and you must gain hers. The relationship has potenital.

I wash the dishes, get things we (or things that she) needs whenever she needs them. I clean up the kitchen after she cooks (unless it’s breakfast on a weekday), to name a few things.

You sound a bit insane OP.

yikes. Please get therapy. Get help. Work on yourself. You sound like an entitled child.

You need to get a grip. This woman doesn't deserve this degree of nutty stalker scrutiny. Have a serious word with yourself. She is not your property, what she does in social media (and heck knows what she's meant to have done here) is her own business. Women are people, are you aware? People go around in the real and social media world and interact with other people and sometimes those people are, gasp! men! Can you believe it?
honestly. Enough of this incel level nonsense, especially when you don't even qualify for base level incel.

Your pathetic searching her followers etc, im so glad me and hubby don't bother who has followers how many and gender etc. Who cares grow up!

When she comes to stay with me in Texas, its 2-6 weeks at a time and no matter how tired she is in the mornings, she cooks for me and makes sure that I have breakfast, a lunch to take to work, and dinner prepared when I get home every single day.

more fool her. The stalking on her social media is a clear sign you see her as your property and measure her by how many household duties she performs for you. Stop treating her like your servant, please! This is the 21st century not the 1950s.

Why is it that posters who claim to be men are all shaped from the same cookie-cutter. It's tedious.

Wow, that's weird. And you're in your 30s? Okay

What the heck do you do?

How about get a grip, grow up and stop acting like a jealous 13 year old?

Seriously?

She needs to get out of this relationship. You sound unhinged.

I stopped reading when you wrote you were texan and attempted to validate you gf's worth on the basis she makes your lunch 🤣 Yes OP. You should be very worried. This woman has the benefit of experience and you likely won't measure up well. You could improve yourself or find someone more suited to your own outlook.

What the heck do I do?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Stop the ridiculous overthinking and stalking behaviour

2. Find someone your own age

3. Cook your own damn breakfast.

You sound absolutely terrifying!

I’d be more worried about her cooking and waiting on you when she’s tired. Encourage her to rest.

With kindness, you sound emotionally immature. You’re insecure and looking to validate this by examining everything she’s doing. It’s unhealthy. I wouldn’t mention it as it will be a massive turn OFF. Just trust her.

Seriously. You really do need to work on your insecurities. If my BF came to me with this , I would absolutely be questioning his sanity. It really is a huge red flag.

I do think you are over analysing her social media in general. And not trusting her means the relationship wont work.
But also wouldn't you be better finding someone closer to your home and age.
You cant have children with her she is to old. So if that is something you want it wont work .
But also work on your self esteem.

You will certainly ruin your relationship if you start telling her you’re watching her every move on social media and noticing who is liking what. If she wanted to be with someone else, she could. Delete instagram and stop creating problems in your relationship. You either trust her, or you don’t.

You basically need to stop being completely and utterly mental. You’ve got your knockers in a twist because some random is following her on insta, she’s never mentioned him cos she doesn’t know who he is.

Honestly you don’t sound like you are fir to be in a relationship. Talk to a professional about how you deal with this because if I were her and you started kicking off because a random man followed me on insta I would dump you. Because you would be a giant walking red flag. You can choose here to get some treatment for your behaviour or you will lose her.

You sound completely smothering and very precious.

Stop being weird

“ Knockers in a twist” 🤣🤣🤣

Bit Daft of you