MIL coming to stay - not spoken for 3 years

[Greyrock2828]

MIL coming to stay and i haven't spoken to her for 3 years - still speaks with DH but we live far away and so she hasn't visited for a long time since we fell out. Alot of background which I won't go into. My 5yo has ASD, diagnosed at 3. Pre diagnosis I had been visiting MIL when she told me that DD didn't have ASD and it was in my head, and she was just very naughty and we poorly parented and I was the problem. Since diagnosis she still doesn't accept it and says DD is just naughty and badly parented. I didnt want her to come out but DH is no contact with his dad and his family generally don't make any effort to keep in touch with him so I wanted him to have a nice time with his mum.
Should I just grey rock all weekend. Most interactions with her previously have been hostile (her side not me) usually after she's had a drink (which she probably does have a problem with IMO).
Any advice on how to handle? We will be spending time together so unavoidable. Do i wipe the slate clean, see how far we get without trying to get along?

I think the hotel / separate rooms was (and is) a decent plan.

We did this sort of family trip recently (just for a long weekend) and it was really successful, considering the wildly different personalities involved! It wouldn’t have worked at home in my house.

Good luck 🤞

Glad to hear it has been okay so far. I do think a hotel can be a good way of meeting in such situations. Fingers crossed you have a good day tomorrow too!

Wipe the slate clean, its been 3 years.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

^ the post of someone who has zero clue of dysfunctional family dynamics

I hope she can contain herself another day, but in my experience, toxic people like her can't hold themselves in for very long. Be ready to whisk DD away as soon as it starts, because such people become extra venomous if they've had to tamp it down for a while.

Yeah, really 🙄

I don't see my father nor my ILs because of this crap anymore. Life is too short to spend it constantly walking on eggshells, full of trepidation, twisting yourself into a pretzel trying not to trigger badly mannered unloving jerks.

And I won't put up with it for my H either. He can see his family with all my blessings - but only as long as he doesn't come home with a bad mood or all hurt because of something shitty they did or said to him. Because I am not his therapist and I am completely done with the poison and negativity they've brought to my life.

Surprise, as soon as I bowed out as his meat-shield, he stopped going, because then the full force of their unpleasantness was on him instead of his wife, and he didn't like it.

A mere one day’s good behavior is no basis on which to state that people can change. And your MIL has had more than enough chances.

And as she is in a hotel she knows she has to behave there.

I hope she can contain herself another day, but in my experience, toxic people like her can't hold themselves in for very long.

Well that's it isn't it?

She shouldn't have to "contain herself" because she shouldn't be wanting to make nasty about her GD & DIL!