Wife wants a baby

[Hubby2]

Ok so. We have 2 children already, boy and girl, one of them has severe special needs that needs constant supervision.

The wife wants to have another baby but I think for the wrong reasons to help alleviate the pressure off other sibling. In short I feel like she was wants to use me to have another one not taking in to consideration how I feel I have tried telling her but she's so insistant on a third

I personally don't want another one because we're in a three bed house and the kids have their own rooms plus im getting older. And then on the other hand she is telling me she wants it in the next 18 months because she's getting older.

We are going through a bit of a patch for like 6months and it hasn't exactly went unnoticed by my older child. It's hard to know what to do and I have given wife more attention but I just want to be happy with her not used.

Your wife is being ridicilous.

She may want a third child (rightly or wrongly) but the silent treatment when told now is out of order.

The amount of magical, surprise third babies I know about under similar circumstances is crazy. Make sure your contraception is water tight. Do not relu on hers.

No one is entitled to a child or as many as they want. No one. I can't have any. It's far from ideal but I just hsve to suck it up and get on with it. Anyone talking about female hormones or the urge for a child is irrelevant. Wanting something doesn't mean you are entitled to it.

If I were you, I would suggest couples counselling or split.
She's wrong to essentially blackmail you.

I would simply have fear with 3rd...what if another child would have severe needs. That can break a family.
I know it sounds awful.. but you have to consider it.
Maybe she feels otherwise and just doesn't tell that for whatever reason.
Talk to her again

Have a third. I am that third. I have an older sibling with special needs and a middle sibling born soon after. I came along some years later. We’re all now middle aged, parents divorced and in their 80s, and my middle sibling would have had too much to handle if we hadn’t been able to share the load for elderly parents and our SEN sibling. It’s a lot, even shared.

Don't let her blackmail you. There was guy here last year who did exactly that and 20 years later he is a shadow of a man - completely broken and exhausted by his wife's unreasonable demands. She will not split from you t have another kids with a new guy, it's just her way of blackmailing you - and even if she does leave you, you'd probably be better off without her.
BTW tell her to get a job to have something else to do and fill her days rather than caring for the child 24/7. Pay for the nanny.

Oh does she still find time to watch the soaps does she? Wow, what a guy.

Oh does she still find time to watch the soaps does she? Wow, what a guy.

Depending on the disabilities your other child has, you could end up with a child with disabilities again. We have a child with autism, we didn’t know that that’s what he had as we thought it was complications from birth. We had another child two years later and they’ve also got autism but is on the profound end of the spectrum. I’m the main carer and it is very very hard.

She's made her position crystal clear, she wants a third child, period. You don't and I'm firmly on your side in this. No one should have a child they don't truly want with all their being. I'd say the next step is pretty clear, either you leave or she does. At any rate, your marriage appears over. Having a child or not is not an issue in which there can be a compromise.

You may think to 'call her bluff' by saying that you'll leave to see what she says. Don't. She may cave and say ok no third child, but then start planning a contraception 'failure'.

You need to be aware that the only 'reliable' form of male contraception available is a condom. And that the 'actual use' failure rate for a condom is around 14%. And that doesn't take into account sabotage. If she is bound and determined to get pregnant, it will happen. You don't want a vasectomy, fine. Just be aware of the risk you're taking.

ETA, If you do decide to have a vasectomy, don't do it in secret. Make your decision clear to her. Just as she shouldn't secretly plan to get pregnant you shouldn't secretly plan to prevent that, permanently. Each of you deserves to be able to make life decisions based on truth, not on lies.

I agree with others. If you don’t want a third child, tell your wife you are sorry it’s upsetting to her but you won’t be having a third child. Then get a vasectomy.

Sounds like she’s made her mind up. What you need to do now is make sure that you don’t have sex with her before you split and make sure your daughter knows she always has a full time home with you as you knkw your wife will put unbearable pressure on her to do even more when you go.

@hungrypanda4

"Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2025 15:31

I'm not sure why you would feel used.

I'd work on the relationship together and see if you can both agree on a way forward.

He feels as if she’s using him as a sperm donor and completely disregarding his very valid concerns."

I see what you mean but it kind of said suggests that a child is 'for' the wife. Otherwise, why wouldn't any woman potentially feel 'used' that she gives the egg, and incubates the baby, and gives birth! Yes, in this incidence the wife wants another child and husband doesn't but wife is feeling it is best for the family not just for her.

I think counselling might help op for both of you.

You shouldn't be forced into becoming a father again, of course, but I do feel for her as well as for you.

If you do love and care for each other you should be able to find a way through this. Together, if you want to.