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Original poster

DP wants a church wedding. I don’t

80 replies

stitty · 27/10/2025 08:52

He’s baptised and believes but doesn’t regularly go to church. I’m atheist.
Dp really wants a church wedding and a vicar to marry us, I’m not too bothered about a vicar marrying us but I don’t want it in a church. I’d prefer a venue. In all honesty I don’t want all the bible verse reading and hyms. That feels all so unnatural for me obviously and the church we looked at said we must picks a verse from the bible each to read if getting married in the church.

has anyone been in this situation? What did you do in the end? Has anyone got a vicar out to a venue instead? Is that something that can even be done?

OP posts:
Jeneva2025 · 28/10/2025 10:40

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/10/2025 09:03

A vicar is only licensed to perform a marriages in a church. Some elements are legal and cannot be changed, others are flexible.

You can only be married in a church you have a connection to. So either where you live in the parish or where a family member goes to church, or you were baptised. So you need to look at the parish church where you live, and the one where his parents go or he was baptised.

Then speak to the vicar about the difference between you and see whether they can accommodate you. It won’t be unfamiliar to them.

This is not entirely true. My daughter and her now husband got married in a church that was in the grounds of a venue some 20 miles from us. The ceremony (conducted by a very lovely female vicar) was not overtly religious, as none of us are ardent believers, and the "sermon" bit was predominantly about loving one another, tolerance and truthfulness. Music chosen by the couple (again, no heavy hymns). The ceremony hit just right between religious and humanitarian.
All to say, OP, that you may want to look around for a vicar/church that is less rigid.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 28/10/2025 11:12

Jeneva2025 · 28/10/2025 10:40

This is not entirely true. My daughter and her now husband got married in a church that was in the grounds of a venue some 20 miles from us. The ceremony (conducted by a very lovely female vicar) was not overtly religious, as none of us are ardent believers, and the "sermon" bit was predominantly about loving one another, tolerance and truthfulness. Music chosen by the couple (again, no heavy hymns). The ceremony hit just right between religious and humanitarian.
All to say, OP, that you may want to look around for a vicar/church that is less rigid.

Show quote history

Do you know what their ‘qualifying connection’ was? I forgot to mention the special licence option, which may have been how yours was done.

Original poster
stitty · 28/10/2025 17:19

Thanks all! Confirmed a venue today with a church next door, we will get a blessing after the ceremony. We are both in agreement with these plans and we’re both happy😀

OP posts:
fatcat2007 · 28/10/2025 17:53

is it just about his dad? if he is religious then it isn’t recognised to get married outside a church. My family member married someone who wasn’t religious and they had just the nuptial bit as her family would have felt a bit excluded from a full Mass. would that be an option?
I got married in CoE which my husband wanted but I had to get dispensation from the bishop to do that, they wouldn’t have given it to get married in a registry office or a hotel. If your husband to be cares about that stuff I can see a civil wedding would be very problematic. We also had to do the pre wedding course for both churches (you realise to get married in a church you have to do their prep class led by a priest).
do you have the same views about baptism of children and religious schools?

fatcat2007 · 28/10/2025 18:01

Sorry OP, now I see your post, it wasn’t showing up when I went to write mine, guess I took a while. Congratulations and good luck x

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