Condoms in DH room.Im post menopausal

[Thevegetarianchef]

Condoms in DHS room and I'm post menopausal.
I came home from work an hour after DH.
Tidying up I put something in his room and there were two condom packets open on the floor.
On further investigation I find a box of condoms with 4 missing and lube under his bedside unit.
I calmly ask why he has them and he said you won't have sex with me!!.
I asked him if he had a posh wNK to which he said he used the condoms as he had a circumcision a couple of months ago and he is still sore down below this is true as he has to go to the GP a couple of weeks ago.
He got cream to use which hasn't worked.
Surely a condom can't stay on once and erection has passed in my experience.
No we haven't had sex in ages I just don't believe the condom for comfort story either.

The Viagra worked well for the ED.
It's not uncommon for older unhealthy men to require this help.His heart medication seemed to coincide with the symptoms.
The circumcision was for a tight foreskin which the urologists said is common in older guys and was making peeing difficult.
Lots of women lose their sex drive for various reasons some do after childbirth which I never did.
I will look into help myself though.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

You didn't say he used Viagra only that he has had ED for 15 years.

It is uncommon for older men to be circumcised.

If you both agree that you didn't want sex at all, that's fine.
But it's not fair to blame menopause, work and whatever you think has happened to your figure.
It comes over as if you put everything else before your H and any sex life.

Have you asked him why the condoms are there? If you can't have an open conversation, then the marriage is in trouble anyway.

Gross. You sound about 12 years old

Agree.
How many adult women refer to a penis as a 'bellend' except as an insult?

The whole post is a load of nonsense.

You’re not married, you’re in separate rooms and you no longer have sex. So he’s your housemate, basically?

I asked him if he had a posh wNK to which he said he used the condoms as he had a circumcision a couple of months ago and he is still sore down below this is true as he has to go to the GP a couple of weeks ago.

Do you trust him? I think he was attempting to masturbate. Google it sex after circumcision - you use lube and the condom as direct stimulation is too painful. I think you’re seeing things that aren’t there, is he a bit embarrassed perhaps.

Yes but I assume the bellend is to distinguish she means the tip / urethra so used bell end to be more specific than just penis

I don’t think it’s gross - maybe the pp could have said cum or seamen but I think the explanation offered resonated with op so it’s useful not gross.

seamen :) - they are the blokes on ships.

Why do people keep saying you're not married? Did I miss something? Or are they calling it not a marriage because of lack of sex and separate rooms?

I'm more amazed why he's having circumcision now at his big age but then I don't know much about later life foreskin problems.

So far in the bingo of MN replies:
If the sexes were reversed
Pearl clutching
Creative excuses (for a gay friend 😂😂)
How dare you?! invasion of privacy!!
What about your dildo and vibrator????
🤓😜😂😂

It's like clockwork on here sometimes!!

We've been married decades.
I said I'm not married to the poster who thinks I would be invading their privacy up thread.

I'm not sure what difference it makes if the OP is legally married or not?

It's a huge significance, if you're divorced and plodding along like housemates it's one thing, but to be husband and wife legally still but sex has cooled off and sleep separately, you are still a married couple and deserve not to be cheated on still. Marriage is more than the bedroom.

@MunchingMangoes I meant if they are married or cohabiting.

Agreed, yes.

I mean there isn't a great mystery here. He's obviously having sex with someone who isn't you.

This. Sec is a really big part of a relationship op and if you are not wanting to be intimate with him you can’t really judge what he does.

its your duty to fix your sex drive issues too thought it’s not all on him

What a bizarre statement. It’s not normal for married couples to sleep with other people whatever excuse you seem to have thought up. There’s more to life than just sex.

My partner had to have a circumcism 3 years ago (63) and used condoms and lube at first (with himself and with me) as he was worried about touching the area and it was all very new and worrying for him about if he could still attain the same pleasure etc.

im in my 50s so unlikely to get pregnant but the scar tissue and area worried us both.

OP it’s obvious to me that he had sex with someone in that room and just forgot to clear up after himself.

I hardly think so- he's not that dim and he's recovering after surgery.

Themimsy thank you.It never occurred to me and he did say the area is very sensitive.
I don't mind if he does what he likes in his room.
Quite surprised that people think sex is the be all and end all of older age.
I may have had this attitude myself when I was younger.

It isn’t the be all and all, but it’s also not wrong of a man or woman to want to be sexually active, with their spouse, even at 66 and much older. I’d be truly upset if in 10/15 years time I give my very loving husband the brush off with ‘I’m menopausal sorry’.