Ladies, would you ever put up with this?

[Wiltedflowerinacave]

Good evening ladies, this is my first time posting and I’d appreciate some support.

Background- Me (35F) a naturally shy and unconfident person who has fought through life with several abusive relationships. I have a one year old and my partner (42M).

We have been together for 10 years and have faced many challenges together in that period. He is smart, initially very kind, soft and dependable. Over the last few years he has become increasingly depressed and unhappy with me/us/himself. He attempted to commit suicide a few years ago, he says I didn’t support him through this. I tried to listen and be there for him and encouraged him to speak to others aside from me, tried to find him a counsellor etc.

He kept saying he was feeling awful and began to smash things in the house and self harm. I was devastated he felt he had no other choice but to do this but also very scared by his smashing things, including in front of our DS.

After months of this, he anger turned to me and he physically assaulted me one morning about nine months ago. It wasn’t just a slap but an assault. He was mortified by his actions, said he had a complete mental break down and was charged for the offence.

We have since seen each other a little bit but I wanted to ask would you ever be able to forgive someone for this? Move on together or would this totally be the end?

Thank you, I appreciate you reading this.

He's crying because of his own actions. You could be dead because of his. Don't even think about going back to him.

1. I couldn’t love him after that
2. and most importantly, I would never let him near my child. Never in a month of Sundays.

No, for my child's sake particularly, I would not.

Surely social services should be involved given you are still in contact with him and if they don’t know you run a risk there

Look at it this way. If you had a piece of bread that had mould on 10% of it would you eat it? Or throw it away? So what if he is only violent 10% of the time (or less)? That still will have a huge impact on yourself and your child.

Your child could be removed from your care if you remain with this man.

You say he is loving towards your child and will want contact. But what parenting does he actually do? The vast majority of men say they want contact when a relationship breaks down. Many say they will go for 50-50. The reality is quite different and can usually be seen when you reflect back on how much parenting the man did when they were a couple.

He can have contact. You can advocate for it to be at a contact centre. But let him make the first move to request contact. He may choose not to. Seek some advice from women's aid about how the process works.

If he does, as there has been DV I believe you would be entitled to legal aid. Women's aid has a list of solicitors who are experienced in cases like this. You can and should be advocating for your child to keep them safe. It is possible. I also think it's very likely that he will not even pursue contact.

The end, for your sake. I am sorry for all that you have been through.

No , because he will do it again and next time he could kill you.

Op this is who he is, that kind and caring person, isn't real, the mask has fallen op ,
There's no excuses no amount of tears can make him that ' nice and kind ' man again because it wasn't real,

You need i drop your expectations of him op this is him, you look after you and child now,
Never forgive or forget what this man is capable of op
Focus on getting him out of your life,

Arrangements for seeing child at contact centre only op, no other options am afraid,