Could you get past this invasion of privacy?

[NopointinNCbutherweare]

I don't know where to begin with a back story as there's so much water under the bridge. I will add more details if necessary but I'm looking for perspective on this particular issue primarily.

I found out that my DP hacked into my phone and;

Read all of my emails and texts
Went through my pictures
Somehow got on to my mumsnet account and read every thread I've ever made dating back years

Could you get past this? Is there any situation in which you think this would be acceptable?

I feel violated 😔

No, I wouldn’t forgive that. I would feel violated and beyond angry.

No I couldn't. Sorry op

No. That would be it for me. You must feel so angry and betrayed. 🤗

When you say 'backstory', do you mean a history of jealousy and control? I'm assuming you don't mean 'a happy backstory'!

That would finish it for me, what a violation. Why did he do it?

There has been a couple of occasions I've asked for advice on some really sensitive childhood trauma related things that I would have never said out loud, to anyone.

I feel sick 😔

No, I couldn't stay with someone who did something over a period of time and thought they were justified in doing it. It must have taken him a while to go through all of your private things.

Anything pre them has nothing to do with them. It is up to you to decide what you share about that and any ongoing thing in your life.

You cannot trust this person. That is surely the foundation for a relationship.

No, I would never get past that. I would cut all contact right now. That a gross invasion of privacy and shows he has zero respect for you.

No. If you'd left these things lying around, or open on your phone and he saw them 'accidentally on purpose' then I might just about be able to see past it. But deliberately getting in to your phone purposefully to read through all your information - no. That's an act of such maliciousness that there's simply no justification, other than wanting extra stuff to use against you.

Bin him.

I would be beyond furious at this. What a massive invasion of privacy! He totally disrespected you there.

My DH and I consider each other's phones as part of our own private spaces.

You indicate that there is some sort of big backstory here, so I am guessing that this is not the only example of similar behaviour from him. I'd be ending the relationship. He's an arse.

That's disgusting. That's not even "picked up my phone while I was in the shower and read my texts", that's HACKED into my phone! You need to leave him. Absolutely horrendous.

Sorry this has happened to you. I don’t think I could get past this level of invasion of privacy. You’d never be able to feel safe with him again, he’s broken the trust and put you in a really difficult and uncomfortable position. Has he always been jealous and controlling? Did he say why he done it?

No I really don’t think I could get past it tbh. How violating. How could you ever trust him again?

I’m also guessing it’s not the first time he’s done something like this. There is nowhere to go from here.

That’s him gone from your life. Don’t hesitate for a second.

This is horrendous OP. I feel so awful for you.

I would feel really uncomfortable knowing that he knows all this personal stuff , your thought and feelings like he’s read your diary .
You’re an anonymous person on here , you use this as a safe place and I’m guessing you wouldn’t have been so honest if there was a photo next to your name .

He’s overstepped majorly here …

No, I could never forgive this ever. This is such a massive invasion and violation of your privacy that it is unforgiveable.
Why did he do it? Why did he think he was justified?

Nope, I'd be done. He can't be trusted, and he didn't have enough respect for you to grant you the minimum privacy someone can expect.

I presume by 'any situation in which you think this would be reasonable' you are meaning suspicions of an affair? No, that doesn't excuse it either, even though it's the excuse they always use.

Someone who has such little respect for your boundaries that he can violate them to this extent is not a safe person for you to be around. There’s no way you should even consider staying with him.

No, that’s a huge invasion of privacy.

No, I couldn’t get past it, because how could he prove that whatever motivation he had to do this has gone away?

That's awful.

There is no going back from that OP.

That's such a huge breach of your trust and privacy.

OP, sorry to ask but did you ever have an affair or cheat on him at any point?

I think you know the answer - this is not a loving or healthy relationship. It's also not possible for him to change. You only have one life, and it is precious. LTB.

If your DP was a policeman and you were a criminal then yes, otherwise nope