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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m interested in a man but had no way to have a conversation with him ….. until today. Not ideal. . Please advise .

73 replies

creamwool · 17/10/2025 22:02

I’m 50 divorced. He’s a single 58 .

I’ve found him attractive from afar over the years and have had a conversation with him on the phone a few years ago in relation to a medical issue . He was giving me advice regarding my now ex partner , was helpful and kind and I sent a card thanking him back then.

I haven’t seen him since except for a fleeting moment when I felt he was going to come over t chat to me ( possibly about ex partners illness not realising we had finished, perhaps) but my teenage son was actually behind me and the man circled back when he saw my son join me .
weve never actually spoken face to face.

yesterday my adult child found himself in an acute medical crisis. The Drs would not tell me what was going on, my child had amnesia and confusion and I was so panicked as it was quite serious. I had no one medical to talk to but then remembered that this is his area of expertise and emailed him to ask what adult child needed tto do as he was discharged very early, fully symptomatic and I was petrified as child couldn’t remember anything such as observations, referrals etc.
Mmy email was quite formal and almost apologetic but I was exhausted and emotional.
He responded immediately with excellent and reassuring advice . His email was informal and kind.

My child of course is absolute priority but just wondering here if I’ve blown any chance of anything friendship or romantic with this man , in your opinion?

We will of course be sending a thank you card when my son feels better again or maybe my son should send a fee or a monetary gift 🎁 r gift card . I’m not sure where to go with this. His fee is approximately £250 for a consult normally . Can you advise me please. Thank you.

OP posts:
comealongdobbeh · 17/10/2025 22:20

He advised you as a friend. I think if you tried to pay me, I’d feel insulted. However, getting a thank you gift would be rather sweet and potentially open the door to a casual invitation for coffee?

edited for typos. Not very well written as my hand hurts but you know what I mean.

FuzzyWolf · 17/10/2025 22:30

I agree that he responded to be kind and not as a work necessity. A thank you card and perhaps a small gift would be thoughtful.

InSpainTheRain · 17/10/2025 22:33

I think a card and a small gift, but not money, would be appreciated.

ditsyditherer · 17/10/2025 22:36

Sorry to sound a bit brash but it all feels a bit weird. It looks like you are just admiring him from afar, not much has happened, you've emailed him for advice and now think you've blown your chances of anything more. What are you on about? Is he single? Ask him out.

creamwool · 17/10/2025 22:51

I don’t think I’ve blown my chances to date … I’m wondering if because I contacted him regarding a professional/ work matter considering I actually don’t know the man…would that crass and potentially blow any chance of developing something romantic in the future? Was it weird of me to contact him in your opinion?

OP posts:
Nameavailable · 17/10/2025 22:59

If he's definitely single offer to buy him a coffee as a thank you.

TheGrimSmile · 17/10/2025 23:00

So he's a medical professional? I think you are reading too much into this. How did you get his email?

Bumdrops · 17/10/2025 23:04

He’s been your doctor - private health care - and you’ve got the hots for him ?

UpDownAllAround1 · 17/10/2025 23:06

Leave him alone. It sounds stalkery

creamwool · 17/10/2025 23:08

No he’s not my Dr. He’s a neighbour of sorts. One I don’t see very much ! Got the email from a colleague but it’s available publically too on Google.

OP posts:
Cinaferna · 17/10/2025 23:17

creamwool · 17/10/2025 22:51

I don’t think I’ve blown my chances to date … I’m wondering if because I contacted him regarding a professional/ work matter considering I actually don’t know the man…would that crass and potentially blow any chance of developing something romantic in the future? Was it weird of me to contact him in your opinion?

The only thing I'd think might put him off is the assumption that people who don't know him well have the right to ask for his medical expertise for free. Don't do that again. It can be very off-putting.

I'd send him a note and say that you really appreciate his help and that your concern for your son made you act impulsively - that you don't expect him to be on call to people he hardly knows, for free and don't want to take him for granted. Then I'd find out from someone who knows him better what he really likes (good wine, gardening, a particular sport or music etc - and send him a generous thank you present.) That would give him the opportunity to get back in touch with you afterwards, if he is interested.

PrivateMusic · 17/10/2025 23:20

Seems a bit creepy and weird, sorry.

BritBratGrot · 17/10/2025 23:23

Could you send him a thank you card and include in it that you'd like to buy him a coffee or lunch as a thank you and leave it there, then he can hand you up on it or brush off the offer and ignore as he prefers?

outerspacepotato · 17/10/2025 23:39

Thank him and don't ask again. You've crossed up personal and professional relationships and it won't be ethical for him to be giving medical advice about people who aren't his patients, like your former partner and now your son. Stop asking the dude for free medical advice.

SomeConstellation · 17/10/2025 23:55

OP, this is a bit mad. You’ve literally never had a face to face conversation, you’ve had precisely two phone/email conversations, ever, once about your ex-partner’s medical issues, once about your son’s. This man has only ever encountered you in the context of two requests about other people’s medical issues, several years apart. Was he at least your ex’s doctor? I do think asking him for free medical advice is cheeky, and is unlikely to have established you as a romantic possibility — but then there’s no reason to think you’ve every crossed his mind in that way…? How would he know whether you’re with your ex or not? How do you even know he’s single?

KissMyArt · 18/10/2025 00:02

I’ve blown any chance of anything friendship or romantic with this man , in your opinion?

You haven't seen him except for a fleeting moment and you've never spoken face to face.

What makes you think there was ever a chance to blow?

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 00:02

Sorry OP but you’re coming across a bit bonkers. You’ve literally had two interactions with this man iver several years and you’re fantasising about whether you could ruin an imaginary relationship that’s not going to happen.

Don’t send him anything - and next time you need medical advice, call 111and leave this man alone. And in answer to your question - yes it would be weird to contact him

KissMyArt · 18/10/2025 00:04

BritBratGrot · 17/10/2025 23:23

Could you send him a thank you card and include in it that you'd like to buy him a coffee or lunch as a thank you and leave it there, then he can hand you up on it or brush off the offer and ignore as he prefers?

Or send him £250.

Electricrhubarb · 18/10/2025 00:17

It sounds as though you have quite a crush on him.

Surely though if he is single and interested he would contact you?

BritBratGrot · 18/10/2025 00:19

KissMyArt · 18/10/2025 00:04

Or send him £250.

That's oddly cold IMO, and not a good bridge towards building a friendship.

He answered your contact without mentioning charges so thank him honestly. Don't answer a kind gesture with a cold transactional payment.

outerspacepotato · 18/10/2025 00:19

KissMyArt · 18/10/2025 00:04

Or send him £250.

She can't do that, he wasn't officially consulting and has no medical relationship with her son, the patient.

AutumnAllTheWay · 18/10/2025 00:22

Oh for crying out loud, it may work, it may not.

Nothing lost, he may fancy you and it'll be a romantic start...

KissMyArt · 18/10/2025 00:25

BritBratGrot · 18/10/2025 00:19

That's oddly cold IMO, and not a good bridge towards building a friendship.

He answered your contact without mentioning charges so thank him honestly. Don't answer a kind gesture with a cold transactional payment.

The only thing that's odd is the OP thinking she may have 'blown her chances' with a man she's never spoken with face to face, and only seen fleetingly once.

Unless she automatically assumes she stands a chance of a romantic relationship with all professionals she comes into contact with.

Which would be even odder.

OakleyAnnie · 18/10/2025 00:37

PrivateMusic · 17/10/2025 23:20

Seems a bit creepy and weird, sorry.

Why would you say that? She likes him, she wants to get to know him. It’s not easy to meet people these days.

SomeConstellation · 18/10/2025 00:42

OakleyAnnie · 18/10/2025 00:37

Why would you say that? She likes him, she wants to get to know him. It’s not easy to meet people these days.

She’s never met him!