I’m interested in a man but had no way to have a conversation with him ….. until today. Not ideal. . Please advise .

[creamwool]

I’m 50 divorced. He’s a single 58 .

I’ve found him attractive from afar over the years and have had a conversation with him on the phone a few years ago in relation to a medical issue . He was giving me advice regarding my now ex partner , was helpful and kind and I sent a card thanking him back then.

I haven’t seen him since except for a fleeting moment when I felt he was going to come over t chat to me ( possibly about ex partners illness not realising we had finished, perhaps) but my teenage son was actually behind me and the man circled back when he saw my son join me .
weve never actually spoken face to face.

yesterday my adult child found himself in an acute medical crisis. The Drs would not tell me what was going on, my child had amnesia and confusion and I was so panicked as it was quite serious. I had no one medical to talk to but then remembered that this is his area of expertise and emailed him to ask what adult child needed tto do as he was discharged very early, fully symptomatic and I was petrified as child couldn’t remember anything such as observations, referrals etc.
Mmy email was quite formal and almost apologetic but I was exhausted and emotional.
He responded immediately with excellent and reassuring advice . His email was informal and kind.

My child of course is absolute priority but just wondering here if I’ve blown any chance of anything friendship or romantic with this man , in your opinion?

We will of course be sending a thank you card when my son feels better again or maybe my son should send a fee or a monetary gift 🎁 r gift card . I’m not sure where to go with this. His fee is approximately £250 for a consult normally . Can you advise me please. Thank you.

But she’d like to

Because she's only ever had contact with him twice - once on the phone and once via email.

And both times were in a professional capacity.

It's like thinking you have a chance of romance with a mortgage advisor purely because you're buying a house.

It’s quite weird enough that you’ve twice asked this man, who you don’t actually know, for free medical advice, let alone that you’re now wondering how to save a relationship that doesn’t exist. You’ve literally never had a conversation with him except for one conversation on the phone about the health of your ex.

This sounds more like a celebrity crush: being enamoured with someone you’ve never met from afar. I think he would be surprised and confused that you have feelings for him.

Is he A dr though?

How do you know he is single?
Sc others have said, offer to take him for lunch to say thanks, but don’t ask him for any more medical advice.

Send him a decent bottle of wine, or single malt whisky with a thank you card

its a professional and friendly thing to do and he’s bound to reply

Thanks . Thanks also for the private messages . Im
probably better rested today and in some ways feel
embarrassed but in others feel Im
glaf I contacted him as I was terrified and was completely in the dark about what was going on. If anything, his email
calmed me right down and got me out of my head so I’m still glad I emailed him.
Inwill send a card of thanks and acknowledge my impulsivity. I’d like to think he would understand. I’ll send a gift card for a local restaurant that he frequents and won’t contact him ever again then.

weve never actually spoken face to face

.just wondering here if I’ve blown any chance of anything friendship or romantic with this man , in your opinion?

I've seen your update, OP. I think it's a tricky one. You've never actually spoken face to face so, from his perspective, it's unlikely he's even considered you as either a friend or a romantic partner.

Secondly, there is the issue of boundaries. I don't mind general questions about eg school readiness or what book band is aimed at what year group. But I generally steer clear from giving actual advice except in the case of very close friends or family where I know the people/child involved and feel able to speak freely and with knowledge. I generally avoid giving professional advice outside of a professional setting because there will be soany factors I'm not aware of.

Those are my boundaries but I'm also awae of boundaries in others. So someone asking something of me that I didn't feel was within the parameters of our relationship would be a bit of a 'red flag' for me and I would put distance there. I wouldn't consider them to be a candidate for friendship or a relationship.

I wonder how your life is generally? Because I also know that, when I've been through very dark times, the slightest kindness can feel huge and feelings can get muddled. Kindness can feel like potential; gratitude can feel like hope etc.

Aw thank you for the time you took to write back. My life is geteally great but I have designs on this man for a while and while we haven’t actually had a chat, we’ve always said hello and acknowledged eachother. I had hoped I’d bump into him over the last few months but didn’t and now my contact with him, in desperation and possibly unclear thinking , was for a medical reason.
anyway … I’m going to do as I said and leave it at that . I think I should acknowledge my impulsivity and terror at what was going on. What do you think?

Coffee? After a fee consultation worth £250? Dinner at a nice place surely?

Send a thank you card (and @Cinaferna has good ideas) with a very nice gift (absolutely not money), also put somewhere in the message that you hope to be able to thank him in person next time you see him, and leave it there.

If he’s keen to meet you too, you give him an opening. And it gives you a reason to talk to him next time you see him.

"I’ll send a gift card for a local restaurant that he frequents and won’t contact him ever again then."
What?
How do you know what restaurant he frequents?
I mean this kindly but you are definitely sounding a bit stalkerish OP.
Having "designs on him" sounds really weird. Do you actually know he's single? He might be dating, in a relationship,or even gay!
You actually know nothing about him but seem really over invested in the guy.

Send him a thank you card and leave it at that x

OP - honestly DO NOT send him any sort of gift. A simple thank you will suffice. Anything more and it’s starts to look creepy and stalkerish.

And knowing his favourite restaurant does sound like you’re far too invested in a virtual stranger.

Honestly, I tend to imagine that the reason the OP hasn’t bumped into him is quite possibly because he’s actively avoiding her! All that ‘having designs on him’, monitoring his favourite restaurant etc does sound a bit stalkerish.

Have to admit, even I am bit wierded put here

Oh, just go for it!

And post what happens here...

I'd feel really uncomfrtable receiving that. I'd far rather never be put in that position again.

Goodness you’ve got it bad, you’re even worried about if you can date him in the middle of a crisis. I don’t understand why you’re asking if you’ve blown your chances,that phrase means you think you have a chance, but he’s a complete stranger who you’ve never spent time with, just asked for free advice.

i think you need to send a thank you card, but instead I’d text him and say thank you so much for your help, I am happy to pay your fee for taking the time and also buy you a drink to say thanks.

if he’s interested he will say no thanks to the fee but take you up on the drink. If he’s not interested he will either say no need for both, or thanks my fee is x.

How do you know what restaurants he frequents op? This is getting even weirder.

There’s literally only one in the village 🤣

If you want to date him - offer to go for coffee as a Thankyou. I think you are overthinking this

This all sounds a bit stalker-ish now. You barely know him, reached out to him for medical advice, and now know which restaurant he goes to so you can get a gift voucher? I’d be prepared to find any future contact you try to send him bounce back due to being blocked!

You don’t know and you extrapolate.
There is pursuing and trying to get to know someone and there’s stalking. One is not automatically the other.

I think asking him for medical advice (twice) will have blurred your status in his eyes and he’ll be very unlikely to want to cross his professional boundaries and pursue anything now.