I’m interested in a man but had no way to have a conversation with him ….. until today. Not ideal. . Please advise .

[creamwool]

I’m 50 divorced. He’s a single 58 .

I’ve found him attractive from afar over the years and have had a conversation with him on the phone a few years ago in relation to a medical issue . He was giving me advice regarding my now ex partner , was helpful and kind and I sent a card thanking him back then.

I haven’t seen him since except for a fleeting moment when I felt he was going to come over t chat to me ( possibly about ex partners illness not realising we had finished, perhaps) but my teenage son was actually behind me and the man circled back when he saw my son join me .
weve never actually spoken face to face.

yesterday my adult child found himself in an acute medical crisis. The Drs would not tell me what was going on, my child had amnesia and confusion and I was so panicked as it was quite serious. I had no one medical to talk to but then remembered that this is his area of expertise and emailed him to ask what adult child needed tto do as he was discharged very early, fully symptomatic and I was petrified as child couldn’t remember anything such as observations, referrals etc.
Mmy email was quite formal and almost apologetic but I was exhausted and emotional.
He responded immediately with excellent and reassuring advice . His email was informal and kind.

My child of course is absolute priority but just wondering here if I’ve blown any chance of anything friendship or romantic with this man , in your opinion?

We will of course be sending a thank you card when my son feels better again or maybe my son should send a fee or a monetary gift 🎁 r gift card . I’m not sure where to go with this. His fee is approximately £250 for a consult normally . Can you advise me please. Thank you.

Yeah but pursuing someone means to actively express an interest in getting to know them romantically. Stalking is more secretive and obsessive. I am afraid I really don’t feel this falls into the former, I’m not sure it’s the latter either at this point, but she’s definitely in this direction.

I mean even in the middle of a crisis with her child she reached out to this guy and she’s consumed if it means she can’t date him now, when the man has shown no interest nor has she, they are utter strangers other than saying hello and asking for free advice twice. She’s talking about his fave restaurant, if she’s blown her chance how’s she’s designs on him etc. I mean so what if there is one restaurant in the village, ours has one restaurant, we have been there a handful of times, no one would say it is our favourite, or anyone else’s unless you’re well stalking.

Yeah I’m not sure on that either to be fair, it was free, so she’s not a client,

he has been put in a position to offer medical advice. He has done so, but if he then started to flirt with her or did anything that could be deemed taking advantage, and she reported him to the gmc, he may well have to account for his actions. So I think he would be unlikely to want to go there!!

Send a thank you card and something impersonal but fancy wine, cheese, chocolate.

Kindly, you don't know him he's just been nice to you in two worrying times and that's attractive.

It's just a crush and, if he wants to take it further, he can find you as easily as you can find him. He can also ask mutual acquaintances whether you're single.

I think everyone fancies someone who helps them a tiny bit just in the abstract.

Ask him if you can buy him dinner as a thank you if he is interested in getting to know you he will say yes.

Slow down lovely.

if you'd like to get to know him personally, then send him a much less formal thank you. It's a perfect opportunity to thank him for being there for you when you needed someone. It's hard when you're single & don't have someone to share things with... you'd like to take him for coffee/dinner to day thanks properly... etc.

come on, you can do informal, thank you for being there... so nice to have the reassurance....

Are you likely to see him face to face soon? If so, just be normal and say thank you for his help. See if the conversation goes any further. Certainly wouldn’t send a cash/gift card as that might make it all a bit awkward. And I definitely wouldn’t ask for any more advice on any other issues.

Just chat to him, say thank you and if there’s any little spark of anything, you’ll know one way or another.

Erm this is difficult OP, I think men often will act if they are interested. They will try to talk to you and find a reason to do so. I think if you have an opportunity to talk to him face to face thats your best chance.

Are hospital discharge letters with follow up instructions a thing of the past now?

Don't send him anything. At all.

It's weird.

Life's too short if you are interested in him invite him for a drink/ coffee if he's not interested he will make an excuse.

I think you are right not to contact him again. If I'm understanding correctly, he is a friend of a friend who you have never actually spoken to in real life. It was quite weird to contact him for medical advice since you don't know him. Even if you were actually friends he might not appreciate being asked for free medical advice. I am the daughter of a doctor and nurse and sibling to several doctors. Even I have to be careful not to take the piss if I ask them for advice. I avoid it as far as possible.

Anyway, I think you shouldn't pursue any kind of relationship with him. If it's meant to be, maybe he'll ask you out or something. It is sounding quite stalkery on the thread, I have to be honest.

If you needed advice it should have come from the hospital your son attended. If he's not a good friend I think you've been a bit of a CF here OP.

I think she did it as she’s a big thing for him , it was a reason to reach out. Which sounds horrendous I know considering it was a crisis, but as she’s wondering if she’s blown it, bizzarely, considering she doesn’t actually know him. I think this was less cf and more a reason to have any form of contact with him

"Thank you so much for your help and advice the other day, you really put my mind at ease. To say thank you properly, I'd like to treat you to coffee and cake or lunch. If you'd like to, just let me know when you've got a free moment."

Simple, non creepy, non gushy, and he can say no.

My brother is an A&E doctor, has been all his working life. He’s 50 now, is tall and slim with a nice face and he has had so many many many women having insane crushes on him over the years. Including several marriage proposals when he was younger. AND people asking for out of hours advice, sometimes as an excuse to talk to him. He brushes it off fairly patiently, more than I would be able to. He’s also gay and married to his male partner of 27 years!

OP, if the man you like is a medical professional, they are trained to be kind and attentive, don’t mistake it for anything else.

OP, how about inviting some neighbours round for drinks after Christmas and including him? If he's interested in getting to know you, he'll accept or at least send a friendly refusal. If he just says 'thanks but I'm busy that day', he isn't interested.

Op, if something is weird is the fact the your son is in the middle of a medical crisis and you are thinking whether you blew your chances with this man. Seriously?
One of my neighbours once had a small collision outside his house that caused substantial damage When the ambulance refused to attend we asked the next door neighbour(GP) to check on him. I believe the wife told the neighbour that knocked on their door that he would not come over; eventually she showed up and said he was away but also explained he would not attend either as he would be too tired. Our neighbour, the one that had the collision is elderly with lots of health issues and we just wanted someone to make sure he was ok before we left him on his own over night.
I also work for myself and have had friends ask for my services. I used to charge £250 for one session and someone gave me £50. I understood where they were coming from, didn’t want to take advantage of me and ask for something for free so they offered some money in return, however I had rather not offered anything at all as it showed to me how little that thought my work was worth. Obviously they knew had they gone elsewhere they would have had to pay full price.
i’ve just given you a couple of examples so you have a different POV.
I personally don’t believe that asking him about advice given your circumstances is such a weird thing to do. It’s as if he was a mechanic and your battery was flat and you’d ask for a pair of jump leads. Whose door would you knock on? His or a different neighbour’s in case he would think you are taking advantage?
if anything I would thank him and offer to pay for his advice (one’s peace of mind is priceless) as you don’t want to take advantage; if he declines at least send him something like a Xmas hamper or tea/ lunch /dinner for two somewhere fancy. Explain your son is all you have got and you just wanted to make sure he was ok.
if he tells you what his fee is then you know where you stand, or if he tells you he can’t go on his own but would you care to join him, then you also know where you stand.
Bear in mind he might think it is not a good time to invite you out since you are concerned about your son.
Anyway, good luck.
PS make sure you put a Xmas card through his door from you and your son.
Good luck!

weird.

Good advice. Do this and if he doesnt take you up on the offer, put him out of your mind.

OP has been posting about this on another thread asking if this man might be interested in her. It’s all very weird and stalkerish

How many threads on a variation of the same 'dilemma' do we need OP?
No hope, just drop it already.

You sound a bit desperate, sorry.