Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling 7 months on

90 replies

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:33

So 7 months on, I still can’t process the break up.
I had been single for 5 years raising my Son on my own after his Dad left when I was pregnant.
Then in 2023 I met this wondeful man, who lived 30 miles away… After 18 months we decided we would move in together, he had two boys and I had one, we all got on so well, and his family were lovely and so welcoming.
We put a deposit on a 4 bed house, I sold mine, he was going through a long divorce and had sold his house, she wass getting 60% he was hetting 40%, soething didn’t add up, he said he only had £6k to put in the house, I was selling my £240k paid off home and putting it all in. Anyway, further down the line, he was at mine, I found a mortgage statement from the dale of his house, he got £20k, he said he had to pay his Dad what he owed him etc but tehre was still £10k unaccounted, he said he had a large overdraft he needed to clear, it would have been fine if he told me the truth, I asked him if he had any debts and he said no.
Later on he said he was embarrased to tell me.
Subsequently I pulled out of the house, this was in the November.
I had one too many one night and called him a Tinder Swindler.
In the New Year, I felt he was getting distant, not so many weekends together, he was staying at his parents whilst he was purchasing a flat.
I asked him to go away with me and he said he couldn’t afford him and his two boys, I said just come away with me and my boy then as your boys are always away with their mum and new fella, he went up the wall, said he wanted us all to go or not at all.
Also, he took on extra football trainign which were our date nights, I think I had a jab as I felt the distance.
And these are the excuses he used to as why we finished officially at the end of Feb.
Throughout the Months I often goit angry messages, emotianally loaded saying it was all my fault and I destroyed us.
In July he messaged me, we went on a date, it was so beautiful… However in the week, I was out and about bike riding, living my life whilst I assume he was home scrolling, and I apporached the subject of my Son being upset as he saw his name in my phone, he said I’m going to bed. I sarcastly said “goodnight” and he said if I’d of waited 5 mons I would have got a fucking goodnight. Well we didn’t see eachother again afterthat.
In July, we were at Oasis seperately, I messaged saying have a good one, he was online but ignored my message this was a Saturday.
On the following Tuesday, I had another emotionally loaded message from him, I said this abuse stps here.
Later that day, my noiece tagged me in a post on facebook, someone had exposed him on the “are we dating the same guy” group.
I let him know, he said he had one date. This woman had been ghosted by him, I presume had a date on the Sunday. Other women came forward and it seems he was dating from March but intense messaging, date then ghost.
We haven’t spoke since, I sent a message last week hoping for reconcilliation, he came back with, basically all my fault, I’m nasty, bitter and it was me that split us up.
I know he’s still hurt.
Since last week, he’s now tutned his visibility on whatsapp on (mines off) nad he has unblocked me on messenger.
What does this say?
His flat fell through so he’s in rented accomodation now with his two boys.
I want my blended family back, I can’t move on and I know deep down he wants it too.

I cant think of anything else, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.

and my 6 year old boy misses them all.

OP posts:
Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:37

The tragedy is that there are young children involved in this farce of a relationship

just focus on your kids and yourself

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:37

I want my blended family back

it wasn’t blended op. It was mangled

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 16/10/2025 13:42

Block and Delete.
Get some therapy and get a project /hobby (train for a 10km/ half marathon, revamp the garden, learn to X, join a gym... anything)

You have a lucky escape.
Where in god's name gods name dod all his money go? Gambling? Drugs? Women?
And thats before you get into the verbal abuse and womanising....

This is not a good man and you dont make decisions based on't a 6yr old missing him.

This moved way too fast and your children shouldn't have been introduced IMO.

A man like him (should you be silly enough to marry) would have no problem going after (and robbing!!!) you and your child of your quarter million in assets....
Think of your child and his future.

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:45

No doubt he’s claiming fraudulently

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:51

He had a very good job and a very good family.
I can’t get my head around it.
I don’t believe it was for the money, everything was perfect.
the boys were together amazing.
I can see how it sound worse written down :(
The £10k was overdraft from failed house moves, and huge mortgage he took over when the wife left.
I don’t see why I’m to blame in all this.

OP posts:
Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:52

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:51

He had a very good job and a very good family.
I can’t get my head around it.
I don’t believe it was for the money, everything was perfect.
the boys were together amazing.
I can see how it sound worse written down :(
The £10k was overdraft from failed house moves, and huge mortgage he took over when the wife left.
I don’t see why I’m to blame in all this.

Edited

Let me guess op

you have never actually known him with a very big job… all in the past before you turned up?

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:53

I met this wondeful man

your version of “wonderful” is my version of a lying fraudulently piece of shit

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:54

And all this in 2 poxy years

Tou must really want to be in a relationship Op. Any relationship

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:55

No not at all, he’s still in the same job!

OP posts:
Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:55

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:55

No not at all, he’s still in the same job!

And yet here you are

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:57

Money issues aside, he very very clearly has checked out op and has been withdrawing from you for some time.

He has now blocked you. Respect that

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:59

I’m trying to figure out why he’s unblocked me
and why he would keep reaching out over the months

OP posts:
Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 14:01

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:59

I’m trying to figure out why he’s unblocked me
and why he would keep reaching out over the months

Who cares
you shouldn’t

do you have friends? Hobbies? Work? Social life? Or is it just him?

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 14:06

I have work my own business, I have football, but most of my time is with my son. I do go out and have friends.
he was the first man I ever introduced to my son and I won’t do it again, he loved the boys and having a father figure around. I think I’m mourning the family set up, it was good at the time.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 16/10/2025 14:06

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 13:53

I met this wondeful man

your version of “wonderful” is my version of a lying fraudulently piece of shit

Agreed.

What kind of good job leaves you with 20k equity which is eaten by debt?
....and none of that explains how badly he has treated OP

@HeidiHi25 it really doesnt matter why he is blocking and unblocking you.
who cares???
There is NO happy ever after between the two of you. Ots just not going to happen.
He might have some charming qualities but he isn't a good man in aggregate and you dont have some charmed future ahead of you if you just say the right words to "unlock" the mystery and make him behave properly. Because no amount of anything you do can fix what he's got.

MajorMerrick · 16/10/2025 14:10

He picks you up and puts you down like a toddler with a toy. Please don’t entertain him any more. He is emotionally unavailable. He’s just divorced and he is torn between wanting to skip straight into what he just had and playing the field. Leave him alone and don’t be his Guinea pig.

Farticus101 · 16/10/2025 14:11

OP, I have to agree that your idea of a wonderful man and great relationship sounds confusing and chaotic. Just because he was not like your first ex, it doesn't mean the second is great, or that you should be together. It also looks like you could have lost your son's inheritance potentially if you had put all your money in a blended home and married this guy. If it was me, I would be asking myself why I have set the bar so low and whether I am a bit vulnerable to terrible men.

Tillow4ever · 16/10/2025 14:12

I’m going to be honest, he sounds awful but you aren’t coming up smelling of roses either. This relationship is dead. You need to stop pining for him - look at therapy if needs be.

procrastinating20 · 16/10/2025 14:13

You aren’t to blame in all of this. That’s his opinion. He screwed you over pure and simple. It’s easier to say and do as break ups are upsetting but you had a close shave, got out the other side when you could have been right royally screwed over with the house and although your boy misses them, this really would have impacted him had it all gone belly up after the house was bought. In summary think of the positives. Every time you think oooh it’s my fault, fact check yourself one negative thought at a time. It will take time until soon be a way of life and you’ll see if all worked out for the best

Mumlaplomb · 16/10/2025 14:15

OP it’s never ideal for there to be a massive financial imbalance between partners when buying a house. Were you going to do a declaration of trust to protect your money? Going forward I would think very carefully before merging finances with anyone.

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 14:15

Have you ever actually seen a pay slip op?

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 14:16

It was good whilst it was good!
my money was going to be protected in that house.
I wanted a family for me and my boy, it was all perfect.
It wasn’t chaotic until I found out about his debt, fortunately I’m in a good position financially, not all people are.
whoever I meet aren’t going to be in a position like me, especially in our early 40s.
crazy as it sounds, this thread is making me feel better about it all.

OP posts:
Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 14:17

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 14:15

Have you ever actually seen a pay slip op?

Actually don’t even bother answering

He sounds awful

and he also sounds like he’s disinterested

so count your blessings

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 14:17

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 14:16

It was good whilst it was good!
my money was going to be protected in that house.
I wanted a family for me and my boy, it was all perfect.
It wasn’t chaotic until I found out about his debt, fortunately I’m in a good position financially, not all people are.
whoever I meet aren’t going to be in a position like me, especially in our early 40s.
crazy as it sounds, this thread is making me feel better about it all.

You’ve only been with him since 2023!!!

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 14:17

Yes there was a declaration of trust in place. I was also moving 30 miles away and leaving my family, I wanted complete transparency.

OP posts: