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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling 7 months on

90 replies

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:33

So 7 months on, I still can’t process the break up.
I had been single for 5 years raising my Son on my own after his Dad left when I was pregnant.
Then in 2023 I met this wondeful man, who lived 30 miles away… After 18 months we decided we would move in together, he had two boys and I had one, we all got on so well, and his family were lovely and so welcoming.
We put a deposit on a 4 bed house, I sold mine, he was going through a long divorce and had sold his house, she wass getting 60% he was hetting 40%, soething didn’t add up, he said he only had £6k to put in the house, I was selling my £240k paid off home and putting it all in. Anyway, further down the line, he was at mine, I found a mortgage statement from the dale of his house, he got £20k, he said he had to pay his Dad what he owed him etc but tehre was still £10k unaccounted, he said he had a large overdraft he needed to clear, it would have been fine if he told me the truth, I asked him if he had any debts and he said no.
Later on he said he was embarrased to tell me.
Subsequently I pulled out of the house, this was in the November.
I had one too many one night and called him a Tinder Swindler.
In the New Year, I felt he was getting distant, not so many weekends together, he was staying at his parents whilst he was purchasing a flat.
I asked him to go away with me and he said he couldn’t afford him and his two boys, I said just come away with me and my boy then as your boys are always away with their mum and new fella, he went up the wall, said he wanted us all to go or not at all.
Also, he took on extra football trainign which were our date nights, I think I had a jab as I felt the distance.
And these are the excuses he used to as why we finished officially at the end of Feb.
Throughout the Months I often goit angry messages, emotianally loaded saying it was all my fault and I destroyed us.
In July he messaged me, we went on a date, it was so beautiful… However in the week, I was out and about bike riding, living my life whilst I assume he was home scrolling, and I apporached the subject of my Son being upset as he saw his name in my phone, he said I’m going to bed. I sarcastly said “goodnight” and he said if I’d of waited 5 mons I would have got a fucking goodnight. Well we didn’t see eachother again afterthat.
In July, we were at Oasis seperately, I messaged saying have a good one, he was online but ignored my message this was a Saturday.
On the following Tuesday, I had another emotionally loaded message from him, I said this abuse stps here.
Later that day, my noiece tagged me in a post on facebook, someone had exposed him on the “are we dating the same guy” group.
I let him know, he said he had one date. This woman had been ghosted by him, I presume had a date on the Sunday. Other women came forward and it seems he was dating from March but intense messaging, date then ghost.
We haven’t spoke since, I sent a message last week hoping for reconcilliation, he came back with, basically all my fault, I’m nasty, bitter and it was me that split us up.
I know he’s still hurt.
Since last week, he’s now tutned his visibility on whatsapp on (mines off) nad he has unblocked me on messenger.
What does this say?
His flat fell through so he’s in rented accomodation now with his two boys.
I want my blended family back, I can’t move on and I know deep down he wants it too.

I cant think of anything else, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.

and my 6 year old boy misses them all.

OP posts:
Offsoon · 17/10/2025 16:18

HeidiHi25 · 17/10/2025 16:09

He does have a peaceful home and Mother, he’s a very happy little boy.

A lot happier now I imagine

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 15:12

In July he messaged me, we went on a date, it was so beautiful… However in the week, I was out and about bike riding, living my life whilst I assume he was home scrolling, and I apporached the subject of my Son being upset as he saw his name in my phone, he said I’m going to bed. I sarcastly said “goodnight” and he said if I’d of waited 5 mons I would have got a fucking goodnight. Well we didn’t see eachother again afterthat.

I have read this three times and still can’t make head nor tail

either way, irrelevant. This was a short relationship of which a substantial part of it was circling the drain or in the gutter itself.

He has now moved on. For you and your son’s sake, you need to too

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 15:13

And you shouldn’t message when you’re “out and about bike riding”! 😆

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 18/10/2025 15:37

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:51

He had a very good job and a very good family.
I can’t get my head around it.
I don’t believe it was for the money, everything was perfect.
the boys were together amazing.
I can see how it sound worse written down :(
The £10k was overdraft from failed house moves, and huge mortgage he took over when the wife left.
I don’t see why I’m to blame in all this.

Edited

You’re to blame because you keep going back for more of his nonsense.

Stop.

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 15:39

3luckystars · 17/10/2025 15:19

Answer, ‘oh you must be so relieved to be free from me. Goodbye’

Can you not see him trying to reel you back in? You have been EXTREMELY lucky not to be swindled out of your home. You have a child to think of!

Please please stay away form this BUMBAG.

Do you think he is trying to reel me back in?

OP posts:
Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 15:41

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 15:39

Do you think he is trying to reel me back in?

You sound hopeful!

FGS, Op this is verging pathetic

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 15:58

I really do t see why….

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 18/10/2025 16:01

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 13:33

So 7 months on, I still can’t process the break up.
I had been single for 5 years raising my Son on my own after his Dad left when I was pregnant.
Then in 2023 I met this wondeful man, who lived 30 miles away… After 18 months we decided we would move in together, he had two boys and I had one, we all got on so well, and his family were lovely and so welcoming.
We put a deposit on a 4 bed house, I sold mine, he was going through a long divorce and had sold his house, she wass getting 60% he was hetting 40%, soething didn’t add up, he said he only had £6k to put in the house, I was selling my £240k paid off home and putting it all in. Anyway, further down the line, he was at mine, I found a mortgage statement from the dale of his house, he got £20k, he said he had to pay his Dad what he owed him etc but tehre was still £10k unaccounted, he said he had a large overdraft he needed to clear, it would have been fine if he told me the truth, I asked him if he had any debts and he said no.
Later on he said he was embarrased to tell me.
Subsequently I pulled out of the house, this was in the November.
I had one too many one night and called him a Tinder Swindler.
In the New Year, I felt he was getting distant, not so many weekends together, he was staying at his parents whilst he was purchasing a flat.
I asked him to go away with me and he said he couldn’t afford him and his two boys, I said just come away with me and my boy then as your boys are always away with their mum and new fella, he went up the wall, said he wanted us all to go or not at all.
Also, he took on extra football trainign which were our date nights, I think I had a jab as I felt the distance.
And these are the excuses he used to as why we finished officially at the end of Feb.
Throughout the Months I often goit angry messages, emotianally loaded saying it was all my fault and I destroyed us.
In July he messaged me, we went on a date, it was so beautiful… However in the week, I was out and about bike riding, living my life whilst I assume he was home scrolling, and I apporached the subject of my Son being upset as he saw his name in my phone, he said I’m going to bed. I sarcastly said “goodnight” and he said if I’d of waited 5 mons I would have got a fucking goodnight. Well we didn’t see eachother again afterthat.
In July, we were at Oasis seperately, I messaged saying have a good one, he was online but ignored my message this was a Saturday.
On the following Tuesday, I had another emotionally loaded message from him, I said this abuse stps here.
Later that day, my noiece tagged me in a post on facebook, someone had exposed him on the “are we dating the same guy” group.
I let him know, he said he had one date. This woman had been ghosted by him, I presume had a date on the Sunday. Other women came forward and it seems he was dating from March but intense messaging, date then ghost.
We haven’t spoke since, I sent a message last week hoping for reconcilliation, he came back with, basically all my fault, I’m nasty, bitter and it was me that split us up.
I know he’s still hurt.
Since last week, he’s now tutned his visibility on whatsapp on (mines off) nad he has unblocked me on messenger.
What does this say?
His flat fell through so he’s in rented accomodation now with his two boys.
I want my blended family back, I can’t move on and I know deep down he wants it too.

I cant think of anything else, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.

and my 6 year old boy misses them all.

What does it say? He’s available as a cock lodger again, at a price. Also that he thinks you’re available to be fucked over again, with your DC along for the ride.

MsPavlichenko · 18/10/2025 16:05

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 15:39

Do you think he is trying to reel me back in?

What you really mean is “ I am allowing myself to be reeled back in. “ Please MN, will somebody say it’s a plan.

Bock this absolute chancer for good, find your self respect, find something to distract you from wasting time thinking about this prick.

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:06

It really wasn’t like that.

OP posts:
HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:09

It’s dead anyway isn’t it! There’s no chance, I’ll move on in time.

OP posts:
Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 16:09

Can you talk to a good girlfriend in RL op?

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:11

Yes. And they saw how happy I was with him. And have suggested messaging him again 😫

OP posts:
ClawsandEffect · 18/10/2025 16:20

HeidiHi25 · 16/10/2025 14:46

The house we were buying was a 4 bed beautiful new build, now he’s in a rented 2 bed flat with him and his two boys, no wonder he’s bitter.

THIS is the point.

He wants you to beg him to come back and woo him.

He wants his nice, comfy life back. But he doesn't want to back down to get it. He wants YOU to be desperate.

We can see you're desperate for him. He knows it too. He's just trying to wait for you to capitulate.

Teachers are always told that children are like dogs. They can smell your fear. This guy can smell (sense from a distance) how much you want it all back. Be very careful.

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:22

I’m not, I sent a message a couple of weeks ago now, he responded with that and I haven’t replied!

Im not desperate and I'm not going to beg.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 18/10/2025 16:24

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:11

Yes. And they saw how happy I was with him. And have suggested messaging him again 😫

Did she know he lied to you and you were putting £240,000 onto a house buy and he was putting nothing. EXCEPT LIES!!

would you ever wake up?

Sometimes I read about the romance scams and I wonder, how were these women swindled? The I read your post and see that you are walking willingly into it.

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:26

We were a happy family!
He was embarrassed about the debt not necessarily a lie

OP posts:
3luckystars · 18/10/2025 16:36

A lie is a lie is a lie.

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 16:37

This isn’t “verging” pathetic anymore

BengalBangle · 18/10/2025 19:18

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 16:26

We were a happy family!
He was embarrassed about the debt not necessarily a lie

'Happy family' my arse.

You are absolutely delulu.

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 19:19

😮 I can’t believe some of these comments!

OP posts:
SergeantWrinkles · 18/10/2025 19:29

It sounds like an absolute shit show. This is not the relationship for you and you sound quite vulnerable. Please don’t think about trying to get back with this guy. He will bring you and your son heartache. Spend some time in counselling to understand why your boundaries are so poor

SergeantWrinkles · 18/10/2025 19:31

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 19:19

😮 I can’t believe some of these comments!

What were you expecting people to say @HeidiHi25?

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 19:33

Well, try and work him out! What all these visibility settings mean.
What deep down did his message mean. Hurt or anger.

OP posts:
SergeantWrinkles · 18/10/2025 19:40

HeidiHi25 · 18/10/2025 19:33

Well, try and work him out! What all these visibility settings mean.
What deep down did his message mean. Hurt or anger.

Well let me help you ‘work him out’. His visibility settings are a way of unsettling you. He knows you’re keeping an eye on him. It’s a sneaky little power move. The relationship is a shit show and your son doesn’t deserve to be put in the muddle if it.

you would do well to listen to the many many women on here who have lived through relationships like this.

he’s not your Prince Charming.
he will not deliver your happy ever after
your son deserves better than an on again off again drama relationship that sees his mum constantly stressed because she is hanging on his every word to see if he’ll offer her some crumbs.

do yourself a favour and walk away. For good.

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