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Original poster

Would you date someone 5 mins out of a 10 year relationship?

60 replies

Cardinalita90 · 13/10/2025 12:33

Just as title says really. Went on a first date last week with someone who finished a 10 year relationship in summer (no kids), I'm looking for something serious and am nervous he could be on the rebound. We got on well but I've been here before with someone else and was proved right so not sure if that's jading me. Thoughts?

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 13/10/2025 12:34

Cardinalita90 · 13/10/2025 12:33

Just as title says really. Went on a first date last week with someone who finished a 10 year relationship in summer (no kids), I'm looking for something serious and am nervous he could be on the rebound. We got on well but I've been here before with someone else and was proved right so not sure if that's jading me. Thoughts?

not really. Or i'd at least ask quite a lot of probing questions and take it very slowly.

are they looking for something serious or just a winter cuddle buddy?

Original poster
Cardinalita90 · 13/10/2025 12:34

I suppose I'm nervous about wasting precious time if there's a potential red flag from the off.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 13/10/2025 12:35

Hmmm it’s hard to say for sure. Perhaps he had checked out of the relationship some years back so is ready to move on. Do you know how it ended? I think that would be the key bit of information.

Besttobe8001 · 13/10/2025 12:37

In summer? So like, 8 weeks ago. No.

Besttobe8001 · 13/10/2025 12:38

If Ive got food in my fridge that's older than the time since their marriage ended, I won't date them.

verycloakanddaggers · 13/10/2025 12:39

There's a high risk it'll be a mess. It all comes down to your attitude to risk.

ThatSpryShaker · 13/10/2025 12:42

I think it depends on your expectations.

So you're seeking something serious, what does that look like from his side?

Must he delete all dating apps?
Spend every weekend?
Get on with introducing you to his friends and family and meet yours too?

Personally, I dont think you can start dating someone with the intention of making it something serious. It becomes serious because you are compatible enough to plan some sort of shared future. You can only find that out over time. There aren't any short cuts.

It's true that some people had a good idea from early on that they are and will remain on the same page and x amount of years later, they were proven right. But I don't think you can force that and you can't really know until time has passed and you can look back and say that you have remained stable.

Someone who has come out of a long term relationship may know exactly what they want based on what they know they didn't want with their ex. Equally, they may have no idea and need to find out through exploration. All you can do is communicate your expectations and see if they feel committing to meeting them is the right move for their immediate future.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 13/10/2025 12:42

Nope. I won’t (or wouldn’t when I was single) properly date anyone who is less than a year out of a long term relationship. Which I’ve been told is extreme. But, honestly, I think a period of self reflection is necessary and people who can’t be single/relationship hop aren’t my bag.

If you’re just after casual dating, then fine. If you want a relationship, I personally wouldn’t continue seeing this person.

redlett · 13/10/2025 12:43

I wouldn’t say never, my brother was married for 20 years and thought he was happy but when his wife suddenly walked out, he met the love of his life a few weeks later and says he didn’t know how unhappy he was until he found real happiness. That was 8 years ago and I’ve never seen him so happy.

Thegrassroots26 · 13/10/2025 12:43

Strangers on the internet can’t really answer this one! However, I know people who were in relationships and have gone on to stay with their affair partner 20 years later. There’s no rule book. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.

RawBaby · 13/10/2025 12:51

I think it depends to an extent on the person and on the relationship that just ended -- and after one date, you're not going to know much about either (unless he spent the entire time telling you, in which case you wouldn't be asking this question!)

beAsensible1 · 13/10/2025 14:01

Cardinalita90 · 13/10/2025 12:34

I suppose I'm nervous about wasting precious time if there's a potential red flag from the off.

then multi date. But in reality you should know what your red flags are and be sure of your boundaries. don't waver or ask the peanut gallery. be confident in your choices and be clear about what you want and what your looking for.

The men / people will self select to some extent. If unsure then no and keep it moving.

Brightbluesomething · 13/10/2025 19:19

Not a chance. Been there before, whatever they say, they’re not ready and you’re the rebound.

Dandelionsarepretty · 13/10/2025 19:29

Absolutely not.

AnotherSliceOfCakePlease · 13/10/2025 19:41

Totally depends on what the end of his relationship was like. Traumatic ending and they were heartbroken, no way. A relationship in which they drifted apart, should have got out ages ago, yes.

Umidontknow · 13/10/2025 19:41

Depends on him really. If the marriage was over long before they where divorced then it might work out. I've been with my rebound (we where both on the rebound) for almost 13 years

meganorks · 13/10/2025 19:42

Sounds like the sort of thing my brother would do. He just can't be single! So the second he is, he's back on OLD. But he would be completely committed to any new relationship. Wouldn't muck people about. But wouldn't be pining after ex, just moving on.

RoxyRoo2011 · 13/10/2025 20:28

I think the circumstances surrounding the breakup are important. If it was mutual, they’d grown apart etc then I’d be more inclined. If there was a lot of heartache and a messy breakup, I’d be concerned if they were really ready to commit to someone else. I split up with my partner of nearly 10 years in the Oct and met someone in the Jan. We married 2 years later and had two children. I was very ready to move on. I’ve since split from my husband. It was messy and I have really struggled. It’s taken me 2 years to feel even remotely ready to put myself back out there. In short, I wouldn’t dismiss it out of hand but I’d approach with caution.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 13/10/2025 20:31

I think it depends on 2 things;

  1. your timeline/expectations
  2. why his marriage ended (which is very awkward to find out tbh) 1 - I appreciate you want a serious relationship and don't want your time wasted, but, for example, if you're 38 and really want children/a family soon, then it's a very different situation to if you've had your children/don't want them, and whilst you're looking for proper commitment, you might not be searching for an immediate husband. In both scenarios you want a serious relationship, you wouldnt want someone flitting around seeing lots of other people or wanting to explore other options, but in the first situation you need someone to commit to you fast, in the 2nd you could relax and enjoy the dating element for longer (so long as it's exclusive) and there's less immediate pressure.
  3. if he actually loved being in a marriage but things fizzled out, it ended amicably and he wants a similar set up but with someone he is in love with, that's actually great, he's got proven form for commitment, knows the reality of it etc. If either, he is carrying emotional baggage due to an affair, emotional abuse etc. Or if he got bored of his marriage and wants to sow wild oats, obviously it's a no go. I do think in some ammicable divorces they've been sooooo long coming, but they're friends, there's no major trigger point and they've slowly drifted apart - and in those cases he might not actually need very long to process the situation, because the writing has been on the wall for ages. So, I wouldn't rule it out, I'd tread cautiously and see how the land lies, and if you do have a very short term timeline for needing someone to move in/have children with/get married it might be too hard to quickly answer those requirements in this situation.
pinkbackground · 13/10/2025 20:35

My husband and I met when we were both a few weeks out of long term marriages. We’ve been together 13 years now. I think it depends on the person and circumstances. For me, I’d emotionally checked out of my marriage a year or so earlier if I’m being honest, so was ready. I wouldn’t rule someone out because they’ve just come out of a long term relationship.

ClaredeBear · 13/10/2025 20:40

Brightbluesomething · 13/10/2025 19:19

Not a chance. Been there before, whatever they say, they’re not ready and you’re the rebound.

This.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/10/2025 20:42

You rarely see the best men single so I presume that generally they are snapped up very quickly!

sweetpickle2 · 13/10/2025 20:45

My ex husband’s now wife did, they seem happy enough now!

wheresmymojo · 13/10/2025 20:59

It really depends. I don’t agree with people writing everyone off on the basis of what happened with one individual they knew.

I’m coming out of an 11 year relationship (8 years married) but we’ve drifted apart over a long period, it’s my choice, there’s no drama or emotional baggage on my side.

I’m not dating yet because of practicalities (we both have to live under the same roof until marital home is sold) but if that wasn’t a factor I could have been ready to date.

I’d see him again, completely fair and normal for you to raise this as a “I’m curious about you feeling ready to date again…” and then asking questions.

The right person would be open to sharing what you wanted to know and that will give you the info you need to make a decision rather than a knee-jerk reaction.

wheresmymojo · 13/10/2025 21:02

Personally just reading what a PP wrote I don’t think it should be awkward at all to find out why their previous marriage ended.

Surely we all expect to be asked and TBH how he responds to that question is really important - including that he is open to discussing it and doesn’t make you feel awkward for asking!