Would you date someone 5 mins out of a 10 year relationship?

[Cardinalita90]

Just as title says really. Went on a first date last week with someone who finished a 10 year relationship in summer (no kids), I'm looking for something serious and am nervous he could be on the rebound. We got on well but I've been here before with someone else and was proved right so not sure if that's jading me. Thoughts?

experience tells me that men move on really quickly. The best time to land a man is when he is fresh out of a relationship. They’re not available if you wait.

I met my DH when he was 1mth out of a 25 year relationship.

having said that, context is everything. His former relationship had been failing for years and there was no love loss between the two.

When I met my DH, he'd just come out of a 10 year relationship. I wasn't too bothered as I wasn't looking for anything serious. We've been together 33 years, married for 22 of those. Play it by ear OP.

Surely it depends on if they have been dumped, or if they were the one doing the dumping. I would NOT date someone who had been dumped after a 10 year relationship, and it had only ended a few weeks ago/1-2 months ago. Would have to be a minimum of 8-9 months after, otherwise you're just a rebound.

Or not?

Not sure what you mean?

No.

I did. It got messy for a while but we have been married 2 years, together 7. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it though. However the messiness was almost entirely because they had kids.

Yes, l would date and look for fun, possibly with a little sex. But not look for something serious. I believe serious evolves, it is not something to be searched for.

I’d say lm happy to date casually (or be friendly) but would prefer to wait a while to date properly as you don’t want to be a rebound. If he’s actually interested and emotionally intelligent he’ll understand that

Absolutely!! I met my partner of now 8 years and 2 children, 3 weeks after he'd separated from a partner of 7 years. I was 33 and he 25 but I made it very clear to him that I wasn't a rebound and that I wanted a home, kids, a wedding and forever. Best decision we've ever made.

No.

regardless of whether they thought the relationship died out ages ago, people can’t be happy in a relationship until they’re secure and happy within themselves. They need some solo time.

There can be exceptions.. dh was still living in the grounds of his marital home when I met him. Lucky i had faith in him when he said their marriage was over (she cheated). He got swiftly divorced and we have had 17 blissful years of marriage.

I was the one about 6 months out of a 15 year relationship when i moved on. I never looked back! That had been over long before it truly ended.

Not something I’d ever advise, but genuinely pleased it worked out for you.

Does he really like you, or does he have a woman shaped hole in his life? IME they are not awfully picky, plus what's available is a lot nicer than what we have to choose from!

No, I would steer well clear

My best friend’s widower was on Tinder within 2 weeks after she died after 20 years of marriage, and met his long term girlfriend within about 6 weeks. They get married next week. I think he’s a total heel and she’s completely insane.

So no - I would definitely not be looking to date this person.

There’s a risk he could be like my stbxh. Split up 6 weeks ago, he’s begging for me back meanwhile I know he’s on a dating website already.

I might if I was prepared to take things slowly, but if I was really keen on looking for someone to settle down with I probably wouldn't. 10 years is a lot to unpick and there's no way he's done it that fast.

That's how I feel. I don't know your age, but in my experience the good ones over 35 don't stay single for 5 minutes - unless they actively refuse to have a relationship.

Yes. My partner was two months out of a 9 year relationship when we met almost 2 years ago. The reality is the relationship had been over for a long time but people stay together because that’s what they’re familiar with. The legal paperwork regarding the house was all sorted within the first few months and they have no relationship at all now. He doesn’t pine for her, if she comes up in conversation it’s another wtf moment where he’s realised how awful their relationship had gotten and what they had normalised. In the end it wasn’t a healthy relationship and should have ended 2-3 years earlier.

People can process the feelings of a relationship ending before it officially ends and be ready for a new relationship at a time that appears “too soon” but the reality is the breakdown was a long time before. It completely depends on the scenario, if they’ve had the rugged pulled out from under them I would question it more but if it was a long time coming break up then no I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Why are you ignoring your intuition ?

I met my now dh 7 months out of a 27 year relationship, him similar both both our previous relationships had waned long before the splits

So many factors that could influence my decision. If he'd been in what he thought was a happy relationship and she blindsided him by walking out then no, I wouldn't. He'd need time to process that and get over it.

However, if his relationship had been effectively over for years then he probably moved on ages ago. Do you know the specifics of their break up?

On balance it would do him good to spend some time doing self reflection, but men tend to move on much quicker than women do. Danger is that he may want to shag around a bit before settling down again, so I'd be wary.