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Original poster

My husband is driving me insane with his know it all personality

83 replies

Boymama1997 · 08/10/2025 21:49

My husband is driving a wedge between us. I feel like everything i say turns into a battle.
I could say the sky is blue and he'd bang on in the most condescending way about how it actually isn't.
Tonight I'm extra fed up, as we don't live in a great area I've said I want to take some classes so that should I ever need to I can defend myself, straight away or laughed at me, said I couldn't do it because I wear false eyelashes, and continued to tell me I didn't have it in me to do martial arts and I should just run if there's confrontation, I went on to try to explain that I couldn't run if I had our children (aged 2 to 9) as I couldn't carry them and even if I didn't, I have asthma and would struggle to run quickly and for prolonged time, he started trying to tell me asthma would mean I could learn self defence, but I know I can because in my early 20s I used to do martial arts (and got quite far on it) and it was easier to control my asthma doing the method of fighting than the the fitness aspect which included running.
Other people in our lives, friends and family have mentioned to me privately that find him difficult to speak to because of this personality trait.
I've also noticed that he will never ever admit if he's in the wrong, for example when talking about his exs he maintains with all of them he never did a single thing wrong. The time he got drunk in front of our kids and I had to remove them from the house and he smashed up the bathroom and got arrested, he still refused to admit he was in the wrong, it was apparently my fault because I took the kids away and he was sad as his friend had passed away (he got drunk at the funeral and continued at home, he hasn't spoke to this friend in years) please keep in mind this is an isolated incident of him doing the drinking side.
He does it with my older children (both M,aged 7 and 9)
They'll say something in simple terms like kids do and he will be like "well technically" and bore them with a big long lecture they don't understand because it's far too complex for them at the moment.
How can I handle this personality trait of his?

OP posts:
sarahann1211112 · 11/10/2025 10:00

You could be describing my ex husband. It wasn't until my daughter came along and we discovered that she is autistic that I realised we both are too.
My daughter has PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and I now see thats where is comes from in him.
Its no excuse for being abusive but for my ex it is the reason he argues constantly and can never apologise etc.
Having my daughter has helped me understand him and know that its not deliberately being awkward, but we are still divorced and im much happier.

Nantescalling · 11/10/2025 13:50

Since you haven't mentioned anything about walking out then I won't either. If you are going to live with this then you need a coat of armour with no chinks. First of all, the less you talk to him, the less opportunity he'll have to argue or put you down. Just the fact that you interact less might just get him thinking.
It sounds like he has a fragile ego and needs to push you (and the kids( down to raise himself up. I have a god recipe for not taking any notice - sorry, bit long - With anyone who is bothering me in any way, particularly if it's aggressive. I refuse to fight back, I just stare back and glow calm with an angelic smile but in my mind they are standing there buck naked, pot bellied apart from long ancient woollen socks and those ugly rubber beach sandals with filthy toe nails, sweating profusely and smelling vile.

Give it a shot. Nothing to lose!

FlubandSlub · 11/10/2025 16:40

blacksax · 09/10/2025 00:02

"How can I handle this personality trait of his?"

Divorce him. He's a cunt.

Couldn't have said it any better! 👌

ginasevern · 11/10/2025 16:42

Well OP, we could all waffle on about what a colossal prick he is - but you already know that. You also know that he will damage your children and that hell will freeze over before he changes. So it boils down to two choices. You stay and suck it up or you make plans to leave.

Redragtoabull · 12/10/2025 00:43

Kick this prick to the kerb and teach your children good, wholesome values. Unfortunately, and I do say this out of genuine concern due to the main points in your OP, were you raised with any? Because, most would not put up with their partners past behaviour that you mention and then refer to lesser 'traits' as being the worry.

T1Dmama · 12/10/2025 12:24

Boymama1997 · 08/10/2025 21:49

My husband is driving a wedge between us. I feel like everything i say turns into a battle.
I could say the sky is blue and he'd bang on in the most condescending way about how it actually isn't.
Tonight I'm extra fed up, as we don't live in a great area I've said I want to take some classes so that should I ever need to I can defend myself, straight away or laughed at me, said I couldn't do it because I wear false eyelashes, and continued to tell me I didn't have it in me to do martial arts and I should just run if there's confrontation, I went on to try to explain that I couldn't run if I had our children (aged 2 to 9) as I couldn't carry them and even if I didn't, I have asthma and would struggle to run quickly and for prolonged time, he started trying to tell me asthma would mean I could learn self defence, but I know I can because in my early 20s I used to do martial arts (and got quite far on it) and it was easier to control my asthma doing the method of fighting than the the fitness aspect which included running.
Other people in our lives, friends and family have mentioned to me privately that find him difficult to speak to because of this personality trait.
I've also noticed that he will never ever admit if he's in the wrong, for example when talking about his exs he maintains with all of them he never did a single thing wrong. The time he got drunk in front of our kids and I had to remove them from the house and he smashed up the bathroom and got arrested, he still refused to admit he was in the wrong, it was apparently my fault because I took the kids away and he was sad as his friend had passed away (he got drunk at the funeral and continued at home, he hasn't spoke to this friend in years) please keep in mind this is an isolated incident of him doing the drinking side.
He does it with my older children (both M,aged 7 and 9)
They'll say something in simple terms like kids do and he will be like "well technically" and bore them with a big long lecture they don't understand because it's far too complex for them at the moment.
How can I handle this personality trait of his?

He’s a narcissist. - look it up! (The never admitting he’s wrong and blaming it all on you!)

You can’t ‘handle’ a narcissist -

join martial arts and thank him for his opinion but say you’ll give it a go anyway.
I wouldn’t ask his opinion on anything, when he lectures say ‘I respect that’s your opinion, thank you!’ Then do it anyway!

Laura95167 · 12/10/2025 19:43

Not the point of your post but DH is right, any decent self defence place would tell you, you only do enough to get away. You shout, act crazy make a scene and run

And if youre so worried you could be attacked with children, I think you need to look at home to move to a safer area because that sounds terrifying

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 12/10/2025 19:45

You’re happily letting this man live around your kids??

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