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Original poster

Bit tmi but would this offend anyone else?

53 replies

MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:02

Would this offend anyone else don't know if im being silly it's a sex one and a bit tmi so feel free to scroll past. When I met my partner he use to go down on me a lot I mean like all the time, he seemed to really love it and would always do it. Anyway as time went on he completely stopped, I didn't really read too much into it and thought maybe he just didn't want to do it anymore. I never mentioned anything about it as personally if someone doesn't want to do it I'm not going to pressure them so I just didn't mention it again. Anyway we split up then got back together and in that time he told me he slept with other people (I was fine with that as we split up quite a while so like almost a year didn't expect him not to although I didn't myself) anyway for some strange reason he decided to tell me one of the women didn't really want to sleep with him so he offered to go down on her then she did! I mean am I wrong to feel a bit off about this? Especially since he stopped doing it to me? Find it hard not to take it personally as I assumed he just didn't do it anymore but did it to someone else 🤔 would anyone else feel offended by this or not? Someone said maybe my “ph was off” once so it put him off but I shower every day and make sure I’m fresh but obviously it was personal as I assumed he just stopped doing it in general but no just with me.

OP posts:
fireandlightening · 08/10/2025 14:10

The lesson here might just be that you need to ask for what you want! Own your sexuality - ask him to go down on you if you enjoy it. Why bother feeling offended about this - she obviously knew what she wanted and made it clear to him. You didn't. Perhaps be more assertive?

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:11

fireandlightening · 08/10/2025 14:10

The lesson here might just be that you need to ask for what you want! Own your sexuality - ask him to go down on you if you enjoy it. Why bother feeling offended about this - she obviously knew what she wanted and made it clear to him. You didn't. Perhaps be more assertive?

I’m paranoid about it now that he’s not actually doing it because he wants to..

OP posts:
fireandlightening · 08/10/2025 14:14

MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:11

I’m paranoid about it now that he’s not actually doing it because he wants to..

Show quote history

If he wants to do it to give YOU pleasure, that's absolutely fine! Why does he need any other reason to want to do it. Honestly, it is a give and take. I'm sure you do things for him because he enjoys it and it gives you joy to give him pleasure. Why would you not expect the same for yourself??

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:15

Because he doesn’t want to or he wouldn’t have stopped?

OP posts:
FeralWoman · 08/10/2025 14:19

Ask him why he stopped.

Arlanymor · 08/10/2025 14:23

Asking someone why things have changed in the bedroom isn't pressuring them. People with healthy sex lives discuss their life between sheets, or swinging from chandeliers or whatever, regularly. Also I do think it's a bit off for him to talk about what he did with other women during the split (unless you like this?!) but that would have been the perfect opportunity to bring it up. If you want to have a fulfilling sex life you need to have these conversations, there's nothing wrong with that at all as long as you don't come as it from an accusatory stance.

TattooStan · 08/10/2025 14:33

Does he know how much you like it? Or might he have stopped because you don't seem bothered?

I recently gave my husband a blow job - to completion - which I've not done for quite a while and I always want to do, but get a sense from him that he's not bothered. I asked him about it afterwards and he said he's always so turned on that he just wants to have intercourse, but decided to go with it for a change. So now it's back on the menu from my perspective.

Ivy888 · 08/10/2025 14:45

I think it’s weird that he told you what he did with other women during the break up. It’s one thing to tell you he slept with other women (that info wouldn’t bother me) but to go into details is weird. I wouldn’t want to get a mental image of what exactly my partner did with other women during a break up or before we met. How did that information even come up? It sounds like he was bragging that he coerced a woman who didn’t want to sleep with him to have sex with him. Pretty horrible if you ask me.

Andthatrightsoon · 08/10/2025 14:47

I'd stay broken up, if I was you.

Obeseandashamed · 08/10/2025 14:53

Do you enjoy it? Have you told him you enjoy it? If not, he might just not do it to you because he doesn’t know whether you like it or not and let’s be honest, it is effort 😅

PashaMinaMio · 08/10/2025 14:53

Is it possible there was just the one time you weren’t as fresh as usual?
I’ve no personal idea but I’ve read that eating pineapple helps, I guess, to sweeten things.

Alternatively, ask him.

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:56

TattooStan · 08/10/2025 14:33

Does he know how much you like it? Or might he have stopped because you don't seem bothered?

I recently gave my husband a blow job - to completion - which I've not done for quite a while and I always want to do, but get a sense from him that he's not bothered. I asked him about it afterwards and he said he's always so turned on that he just wants to have intercourse, but decided to go with it for a change. So now it's back on the menu from my perspective.

Yeah he was aware

OP posts:
Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:57

Obeseandashamed · 08/10/2025 14:53

Do you enjoy it? Have you told him you enjoy it? If not, he might just not do it to you because he doesn’t know whether you like it or not and let’s be honest, it is effort 😅

I don’t think that’s the reason I was very enthusiastic and he did it for years not just once or twice

OP posts:
Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:58

PashaMinaMio · 08/10/2025 14:53

Is it possible there was just the one time you weren’t as fresh as usual?
I’ve no personal idea but I’ve read that eating pineapple helps, I guess, to sweeten things.

Alternatively, ask him.

I don’t think it was hygiene reason

OP posts:
Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 14:59

Ivy888 · 08/10/2025 14:45

I think it’s weird that he told you what he did with other women during the break up. It’s one thing to tell you he slept with other women (that info wouldn’t bother me) but to go into details is weird. I wouldn’t want to get a mental image of what exactly my partner did with other women during a break up or before we met. How did that information even come up? It sounds like he was bragging that he coerced a woman who didn’t want to sleep with him to have sex with him. Pretty horrible if you ask me.

Yes bragging basically and no I’m not into that kind of thing

OP posts:
namechangedohmy · 08/10/2025 15:02

Sounds like you were in a rut and he stopped then you didn’t mention it so it stayed stopped. Him mentioning what he did with someone else is crazy though and thoughtless and inappropriate.

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 15:04

Yes it was I couldn’t quite believe that he would tell me in detail. Just to add it stopped a few years before the split so not connected to it.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 08/10/2025 15:08

MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 15:04

Yes it was I couldn’t quite believe that he would tell me in detail. Just to add it stopped a few years before the split so not connected to it.

He told you because he’s an unpleasant man who wanted to make you feel bad. He’s playing mind games with you and you would be wise to split up again forever.

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 15:17

I think that’s right as he seemed to enjoy telling me

OP posts:
FeralWoman · 08/10/2025 15:39

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

WaltzingWaters · 08/10/2025 15:44

Asking him why he stopped isn’t pressuring him, it’s letting him know what you like and want, and what he’s happy with. If he then says he doesn’t want to, then you can then decide if you’re okay with that or if you want to move on. The only way you’d be pressuring him is by insisting he does it.
I’m assuming however that he’s quite happy for you to go down on him. Is he just being lazy? Or I know you’ve said you don’t think it is, but it could be that on one occasion you weren’t as fresh as you thought. I once had that with my BF (as in he wasn’t as fresh as he thought) and now he knows I’ll only go down there if he’s had a very recent shower!
But anyway, if you’re in a serious relationship you should feel as if you can discuss this type of thing.

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 17:03

Well he wasn’t always fresh 🤣 I shower every single day without fail. Yes he was happy for me to do it.

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 08/10/2025 17:13

He’s just lazy now. When he was with a new woman it was exciting and he wanted to ‘prove’ he was a good lover so she would sleep with him. He’s not trying to impress you and your pleasure isn’t that important to him. That’s why he’s stopped. I think some guys do it because they actively love it and others do it to be good in bed. IMO it’s not nearly as satisfying when you know someone is going through the motions. It’s much better when you feel they are doing it because it’s turning them on.

Original poster
MangoMangoMangoMango · 08/10/2025 17:37

OchreRaven · 08/10/2025 17:13

He’s just lazy now. When he was with a new woman it was exciting and he wanted to ‘prove’ he was a good lover so she would sleep with him. He’s not trying to impress you and your pleasure isn’t that important to him. That’s why he’s stopped. I think some guys do it because they actively love it and others do it to be good in bed. IMO it’s not nearly as satisfying when you know someone is going through the motions. It’s much better when you feel they are doing it because it’s turning them on.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, I remember him saying he made a move on her a few times but she wasn’t interested. I think maybe he just does it to impress in the beginning

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 08/10/2025 18:49

Communication is key here. Definitely communicate about what you both like. Never discuss what you’ve done with other partners. It won’t end well, hence why you’re posting.