Mummy issues bf

[Missy09]

my partner has a diff bond and things I see and Sruff my heads having thoughts I’m nervous to talk bout it but if anyone would like to hear or know and give advice be grateful

No relationship should be causing this much distress. Throw him back.

That does not sound like he has a normal relationship with his mother. I also haven’t heard of a ‘mummy kink’, so I don’t think that’s very common. Anyway you clearly feel uncomfortable about this situation so it’s probably best to leave and find someone more suitable.

Bottom line is - he’s weird AF. It’s not normal, it won’t change, he’ll never love anyone like he loves mummy, you have no future together. Get out now, run away. This has the potential to become even more weird and dysfunctional, you will get sucked deeper into this madness so you’ll start to accept it as normal and your role will change so you’re just a servant to both of them.

He sounds porn obsessed and weird with his mom

I don't think they have anything sexual going on. I think he was babied by mum and sis after dad died but also his mum has put him in a partner/boyfriend/husband role emotionally bc his dad died. I.e no boundaries, openly chatting about sex, relationships, on a weird friend level.

You're right to feel weirded out and he needs to untangle this himself in therapy, not put you in a sexual Mommy role. Hes obvs acting out and exploring his strange over familiar mother relationship with you whether he knows actively what he is doing or not.

I would get rid he's nowhere near mature enough for you - what do you want for yourself ? Marriage, kids house ? Career? Maybe write down some goals for yourself and filter partners down on that - he is nowhere near mature enough emotionally for you.. You also need to do some work on being able to express emotions in a relationship and communicate when you are feeling uncomfortable xx

Just let him down and say you don't think you want the same things so you need to break up so you can focus on yourself.

I get it OP and I totally understand why you are nervous.

You really need to listen to your instincts and get him out of your life.

He isn't making you feel good and you deserve better.

Missy, ignore the nasty comments on here, most people genuinely want to help.

If you're uncomfortable with what he's doing, leave. Relationships should be easier than this and there's plenty of more normal guys out there!

No, all men don’t!

Surely it’s the same answer regardless of the situation. If you aren’t happy or have significant reservations, then move on.

What is going on today?! I've just come from thread where the the OP is claiming her MIL is stalking her, before that the woman who let her child run round a restaurant and tip pasta into a a strangers lap and then yesterday the woman who wouldn't let her Mum put the heating on in her home. Mental stuff!!!

Early half term for some?

He has some kind of fetish/kink where he wants to call you mummy? He says he finds his mum sexually attractive?

If it's either of those things I'd say you should dump him.

OP just be straight up front with him and ask ‘have you had sex with your mum?’ If the answer is yes then you need to call the police and get as far away from this man as possible. What you’ve described sounds like abuse.

He does not sound like he can be a proper boyfriend for you. He is bringing unhealthy mummy-related issues into your relationship, and these kinds of issues will not go away. If he has any fantasies about stepmum/real mum sex, he will not get turned on by sex without that fantasy involved.

This is often why some men like role play, because they know they cannot stay aroused within a 'normal' relationship' and they rely on that kink being constantly acted out so they can stay turned on.

I think he probably has had fantasies about his mother, even if he has not acted them out. This will never become a healthy relationship; he is relying on that kink. I would say to split from him and explain why, that this 'mummy' fascination is not what women want and it is abnormal.

You don't have to like it though.

Sounds weird as fuck. I'd bin him off if I were you.

Maybe there are women who don’t mind this kind of talk but many women find it creepy. Including you.
You can end the relationship because it makes you uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter what he or anyone else says about it being‘normal’ .
I don’t think it is normal by the way, though it can happen.

I also doubt he’s had sex with his mum but has probably been parentified which is a type of emotional incest and is very enmeshed with her which will mean he struggles to be an emotionally available partner to you.

you can find someone who doesn’t creep you out so much!

oh and my partner is also 11 years younger than me, not once has he called me mummy - we would both hate that!

Sounds like surrogate spouse syndrome. His dad died, his mum makes him her emotional support and blurs parent/child boundaries. He has become an emotional partner to his mum rather than having a parent/child relationship. Add in excessive porn use with the "mummy/stepmom" fetish that seems popular and you have one messed up young man.

Being blunt you should never have started a relationship with this young man, you are in different stages of life, at early thirties you are maybe looking to settle down, marry or kids, but are certainly more established as an adult than he is at 23, he's more likely to be getting a career going, out with mates, dating around, figuring out who he is as an adult. You need to end this relationship, for both of your emotional well-being.

I can't understand why he'd rather sleep on a sofa and not a bed , are you sure he always sleeps on a sofa in the same room as his mum? That is very suspect and I would dump a man for that alone.

Yes. It’s irrelevant whether the OP’s boyfriend is having sex with his mother, or just has incompatible kinks, or is generally weird, or she’s just not that into him. It’s not working for her, so she ends things. It’s really not that complicated.

I think you’re fixating on “has he ever had inappropriate relations with family members” (if I’m reading your question correctly?), and you’re ignoring the real issue as a result.

In answer to your question:
No, descriptive explanations of his fantasy scenarios do not mean he has ever experienced these things in real life. He’s probably watched some revolting porn, and that has combined with childhood trauma (death of father, what sounds like quite significant poverty - NOT trauma from incest), which led to this disgusting kink and an enmeshed relationship with his mother.
Vivid descriptions do not require experience of the thing being described. Lots of people are capable of writing stories set in alien landscapes, or descriptions of historical events from centuries ago - they have not experienced these places or events, it’s all imagination.

Your real issue is not whether he’s done something like this or not. It’s the fact that his kink disgusts you - and that is an entirely fair reaction. You’re 11 years older, you don’t live together, he’s making you uncomfortable - ending it sounds like the best thing you could do.

For what it's worth, don't waste any more of your time trying to figure him out. You're obviously not comfortable with his mother & son relationship, and I don't blame you. Move on & leave the weirdos to it.

Do they really sleep on sofas opposite each other?

Why 2 thread on this OP, and why did I log in to a deleted private message from you this morning, after posting on your other one??