Heartbroken

[Heartbroken1989]

I can’t eat or sleep for about a month now. I’m soo broken. Been going to the gym and swimming to keep busy. Listening to guided meditations on YouTube. Breathing exercises. But nothing seems to work. Im exhausted. How will I get over this? All I seem to do is cry so hard, literally to the point I scream and get mad at myself.

I split up with my partner on Friday but tbh it was a long time coming

however I have been where you are in the past and couldn’t see a way out but it does get better

would you like to tell us what happened?

It gets better, I promise it really does.

Ashamed to say I was actually in this state for a whole year in 2013

It's terrible feeling, second only to grief. It does get better tho, you never think it will but it does.

I think in some cases it is grief . 2013 was worse than losing my mother . I would wake up everyday with this surreal feeling I can’t put into words and barely ate for a year .

I watched a lot of murder mystery/crime drama and old comedy shows, which were comforting. Only thing that would keep my mind away from thinking about my sadness.

It will get better. I promise.You are doing the right thing making sure you get some exercise. If you can, I would try and focus on eating, drinking enough, and getting enough sleep alongside that. Even protein shakes if you can't face full meals. Also a big one, stay away from alcohol or drugs. Don't be afraid to speak to your GP if you're finding it hard to cope right now.

It's not for everyone, but I found breathwork helped me more than meditation. If you're interested in that, look up "nervous system reset" on YouTube. It helped me through some hard times!

How about emotionally comforting things? Binge watching shows podcasts or reading old favourite books?

A relationship breakdown is like a bereavement. You are mourning in the loss of losing that person from your life and the future that you thought you had. It's made worse if it's the other person ending the relationship or/and you were completely blindsided. What's not normal is if the state of despair continues, you then run the risk of becoming depressed. Allow yourself time to wallow, cry, eat a mountain of ice-cream and be angry, it's a process we have to go through. There comes a point when we've had enough of wallowing, and then it's a case of brushing yourself down, and starting to live again. No person is worth losing your MH over.

I'm so sorry. It really is like grief.

Assuming this is a relationship, I binge watched Frasier at night and fell asleep to it as otherwise I just toss and turn into the early hours (other feel good show are available 🙃), wrote down all his red flags on post it’s and pinned them all around my living room to remind me why it’s actually a good thing. Then made a loong list of what I needed to do to bring up my happiness levels independently (since for almost two years, happiness was wrapped up in things we did together).

I wish I’d had family or friends to talk it through with as that would definitely have speeded up the healing process but even so, took a few months but you do get there. The best part is when one day the penny does properly drop and you’re almost aghast that you pined so hard for such a dreadful person 💛.

@TheThingOnTheIce
No labels, we live 3 hours apart, had some amazing times, but long distance just doesn’t work. 2 and half years we was in the situation, and a month ago he told me has been seeing someone also for the last year, she lives around the corner, so he can see her all the time. He says he wants us both, but now she’s in the picture I’m assuming I’m second option. He wants his cake and eat it. We never spoke on the future, but I seen him in mine. We have always spoke multiply times everyday, but He has now ignored me since Sunday, as he has gone abroad with her, he didn’t tell me, I found out. The thought of it makes me sick. Is it bad that I am wishing they have a crap holiday, and that karma comes their way. Why do they deserve to have good times and go to sleep happy, while I’m here really struggling to stop overthinking and to move past it all and going to bed crying.

@MoominMaii can’t even watch tv. I can’t concentrate. Just want to curl up in my bed all day and night, which I can’t always do as I work and have a 10 year old who I look after everyday. I’ve had a couple of counselling sessions but I just try and let everything out, I don’t feel
better for it. As with family, I only have my mum and step dad, but I don’t want to talk about this with them. And no close friends.

worst thing is none of us have ended it. I need to I know.
im depressed anyway, I’ve been on antidepressants for couple years. I just don’t want to get worse. My son sees me sad, crying and angry everyday, I hate that for him.
the thought of finding someone else and starting again, I don’t want that. I’m sooo broken

Well I’m glad you have a DD and job that forces you out your bed and I’m sorry that your relationship ended the way it did. It probably does make it harder when it wasn’t a mutual choice.

Well done on the counselling and I think it’s quite normal to feel crap the first couple of times but it’s so good you’re venting to a professional so at least you’re helping to safeguard your mental health which is of course priceless to you getting better.

When you feel up to it, make a list of things that you’d like to do either alone or with DD to bring a little happiness or even distraction into your life. Even if it’s going out alone to a nice cafe to treat yourself to brunch or something.

Finally, keep reminding yourself you haven’t lost the love of your life or anything since he didn’t actually love you did he? PS don’t put pressure on yourself to have to start anything again. You don’t know what’s around the corner but it’s essential you love yourself and can find happiness in the life you already have otherwise any future broken relationships will cripple you all over again and that’s not healthy or what you (or DD) deserve at all.

Keep going, you’ve got this 🤞💛

eugh I know
it hasn’t been officially ended with me and my partner either but I’m not contacting him.
i was snappy and teary yesterday and upset my son .
and I also can’t be arsed to start again now. So many failed relationships under my belt. I think that’s it for me, I don’t have the time or inclination to find anyone else .

If you already suffer with MH issues, then please see your GP, you may perhaps need stronger medication for a short time. If you've started seeing a therapist, then continue doing so. Even if you are letting the emotions out, that's far better than bottling them up. You clearly have been blindsided, and he's been cheating on you, so this has completely come out of the blue and knocked you for six. It's good that you have a child and that you are working, because this keeps your mind active. Try very hard to get out for a walk, several times a day. Do you get any time to yourself? Could you start an evening class to learn something new/fitness class etc? When I split with my ex partner, I went to evening classes and studied GCSE Psychology - for no particular reason that it interested me, but it gave me some focus. Tell your Mum, because you need support in real life.

It's not second to grief, it IS grief! The person is gone from your life, it doesn't make a difference whether they're still alive or not, it's still a loss.

But you're right in that it does get better. It's absolutely impossible to feel that way in the moment though, OP. The only thing I'd say is to allow yourself time and be kind to yourself. You'll find that you gradually cry less, and enjoy things more. Hopefully (most people do!) you'll get to a point where you don't even understand what you saw in them in the first place!

@MoominMaii feel awful in work. Everyone telling me to cheer up. Or asking if I’m ok, but then I just cry. I don’t even want to go in work.
i understand distance was always going to be an issue but i didn’t plan for it to go this way.
no he never loved me! I wasn't even no where near this broken after splitting up for my sons dad and that was 5 years long, but it was abusive.
my head hurts. I’m soo sad

You’re grieving. Allow yourself the time you feel you need. Yes unfortunately work colleagues can sometimes be a little insensitive without realising it. Just tell them you’re going through something personal and trying to process it as best you can. You don’t owe anyone more information than that and hopefully they’ll get the message. If it helps, tell your line manger as they do have a duty of care for your well being and may be able to help subtly shut down people who keep telling you to ‘cheer up’ as obviously that’s not helpful.

Keep going to work and counselling though because right now, the things you probably hate doing the most are the ones that are helping you heal - even though it doesn’t feel like it.

@AbstractReflections because I can’t talk to him because he away with her, it’s making me worse not being able to talk to him. Not sure if this is going to be a good or bad thing. I feel not talking makes it worse for me. I tried to eat a yogurt today, I managed a spoonful, before I gagged. It’s a good job I don’t drink or do drugs. Never have. Sometimes I feel maybe I should it might take the pain away. Could never bring myself to do it though lol.
i have just put in a request for doctor to contact me, no appoinments until 14th 🤦‍♀️
ill look into that, thank you, I’ll try anything right now.
I can’t concentrate on anything.tv. Can’t even have music on in the car or house. I’m really struggling.
i can’t even cook for my son, some days I ask him to cook himself, put something in oven etc and I’ll check it. I feel bad, but I can’t bring myself to do it

@TheThingOnTheIce I feel like he keeping me around incase it don’t work out with her! But it will be too late. He messed up. I don’t think he wants to be the one to end it with me. I tell him clearly grass is greener over there with her, and he says “I like her company” as he don’t like being alone, and “ doesn’t mean to say grass is greener because she lives near by, it’s just a major factor”
aww its sad when kids get sad for us. My boy constantly asking for hugs, and checking in that I’m ok, keeps telling me I have to eat! But then I get frustrated with him, I know he is only trying to to help.
how hurt I’m feeling right now, I feel the same way, I don’t want to start again ever

@MoominMaiyeh I’m not telling them anything. I feel stupid, letting a man make me feel this low and broken, people would laugh at me. Defo not telling line manager, he’s great but I feel he would tell someone. I let him know how sad I’ve been lately, made excuses saying about life is hard being single working mum etc. I just kept crying, and my manager had a little tear aswell. But I just feel I can’t tell him the real reason.
counselling lady is good, she tells me im beautiful and attractive and someone will come along. She can’t try change my mind but I feel she is telling me to shut all contact with him. I know me and him will always be friends once im over this.

It is grief, grieving for someone who’s still alive and not with you, painful to the extreme

It will get better but why would you want to be friends with someone who has hurt you & broken your heart?

@SassylovesbooksI’ve just booked appointment with gp for next week, hopefully they can help some how.
100% knocked me for six, he said he didn’t think I’d react like this or be soo hurt 🤷‍♀️

most my time is work or with my son. He has tutor/clubs after school most days so we constantly busy. I try to go gym when he in clubs that are close to my gym 3x a week. The other day I took him to the gym with me, gave him phone and food and he chilled in the foyer area, whilst I went in gym, then we went for swim together. Apart from gym I’m not finding time to do anything else, I don’t know what I like or enjoy. I’m not in to anything.ive always been like this though. Evening classes won’t work as no one to have my son.
and for my mum… she will just be like “f* him, get over it, don’t worry about him” then she will go tell people, and I don’t like them knowing my business.