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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken

60 replies

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 13:19

I can’t eat or sleep for about a month now. I’m soo broken. Been going to the gym and swimming to keep busy. Listening to guided meditations on YouTube. Breathing exercises. But nothing seems to work. Im exhausted. How will I get over this? All I seem to do is cry so hard, literally to the point I scream and get mad at myself.

OP posts:
Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 18:15

@Zeborah I know you’re soo right. But it’s hard. I’ve helped him loads, been there for him throughout our situationship for 2 and half years, he said he will never cut me off.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 07/10/2025 18:20

Ah op it's really difficult and hard.

I think though you're giving this guy a lot of power over you. If you were able to step back a bit from the relationship and think objectively about what you actually want in a partner I'm guessing this guy wouldn't actually fit the bill.

I'm sure he has good traits or you wouldn't have been with him, but he's also shown you that he's a liar, he's sneaky, he's disloyal, he's not serious about future planning, he's selfish, he's narcissistic and puts his own needs ahead of others. My guess is the other woman he's involved with also doesn't know she's been sharing him for the last year. You had an idea of what the relationship was, and who he was and that was an easy pretence for him to keep because of the distance, but that was never the full picture.

You need to have a think about what it is you actually want from a partner, what type of relationship you want and what qualities you want in them and then focus on reminding yourself that is what you deserve. I know you weren't exclusive and there were no labels, but dating someone for a year and omitting that is poor form to be honest. I know technically he's not wrong, but it feels underhanded. I think part of your reaction is also in how this has made you feel and how its affected your self worth, so again you need to think about what boundaries you need in future relationships to protect you from that going forwards and what conversations you need to have to ensure you're on the same page. This guy really doesn't deserve this level of emotion from you, but it's understandable you're grieving who you thought him to be and what you thought was in your future.

I think often after an abusive relationship we can find ourselves in a relationship that feels healthy but actually isn't, it's just healthier than what you'd had previously but actually your standards need raised a bit higher. I think essentially you feel cheated and because of having no label, you have been unable to vocalise that leaving you kind of stuck with it. You can't do much with that but you can block and delete him, and give yourself freedom from him in order to move on.

Focus on doing what you have been, keeping busy, keeping routine, eating and sleeping well, stick it out with the counsellor, take the time and energy spent on him and invest it in yourself and other relationships with friends/ family / your son until you're ready to date again and remember time really is a great healer. Grief is something we learn to gradually accept in our lives and we grow around it and some days will be harder than others but with time those hard days do get a bit further apart. You're doing all the right things, you deserve good things in life and you deserved better than what you got here.

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 18:31

Go to GP you maybe depressed.

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 18:38

@Lavender14thank you soo much for this. For some reason it made me relax abit.
all the things you said about him, you are soo right, I need to think about those parts a lot more.
the other woman knows about me, I think she has known pretty early on. She telling him to leave me, but he is “apparently” telling her that im
not going anywhere, and she can’t tell him what to do 🤷‍♀️ defo trying to have his cake and eat it. Think he worried then he might end up with out either of us.
i know I deserve more 💯
I care too much and I love too hard. That’s my problem I think.
yeh all I can think about is why not me, what’s so good about her, why aren’t I good enough!!!
no way he doesn’t deserve these emotions you are right. He has been there and listened throughout since I found out, he is took whatever sh*t I’ve said to him, and how I feel etc. acts like he cares, says he wants me to get better, he don’t want me feeling like this. But I’m like you done this though. And as the weeks are going on, I think he is getting annoyed hearing it now. So I’m not going to say nothing. No point.
if I ever get to that point where I want to find someone, questions will be asked, and my standards are going to bit soo much higher.

thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 18:40

@Skybluepinkyive got gp appointment next week. I take antidepressants anyway for depression and anxiety. This is just making me worse. The anxiety attacks are the worst, and the feeling cold but sweating. Clenched jaw. It’s a lot right now.

OP posts:
AntiBullshit · 07/10/2025 18:43

I think you’re being over dramatic. It’s the end of a relationship. Cry, eat pizza watch trash TV for a day or 2 then pick your dignity up off the floor and move on.

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 18:48

@AntiBullshiteasier said than done. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 07/10/2025 20:08

Sadly, I don't think this man saw your relationship in quite the same way as you did OP. I don't know what conversations you had at the start of the relationship, especially regarding to exclusivity. I rather suspect that he viewed the relationship as fairly casual given the distance and the fact you couldn't see each other very regularly. For a long distance relationship to work long-term, someone will have to take the step to move. You admit, that you hadn't discussed the future with him, but envisaged him being in yours. He met someone else who lives around the corner, who he can see regularly and in essence have a proper relationship with. He's kept you on the back burner for a year, waiting to see how the relationship with this other woman, pans out. If it hadn't worked, you'd have been none the wiser, and he'd have kept seeing you. Unfortunately, for you the relationship has worked out, and he's now confident in his choice, so he's ended it with you. Your therapist is absolutely correct in that you need to cut contact. He will keep playing with your emotions, if you don't and that's not going to do your MH or well-being any good at all. He's told you about this other woman, and gone on holiday with her, you don't need him to say 'we're finished', it's blindingly obvious. I know the 14th is another week, but keep the GP appointment and please speak to your therapist. Sending a big hug ❤️

Libertylawn · 07/10/2025 20:13

You want to be loved and live happily ever after? Well now this liar has exited, you are one giant step closer to that and have dodged a massive bullet.

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 20:30

@Libertylawn I don’t want much from a man, I just want to be loved, respected and loyalty.

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 07/10/2025 20:48

Well he gave you none of that. So dry your eyes, he isn’t worth a second of your tears.

Zeborah · 07/10/2025 21:31

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 20:30

@Libertylawn I don’t want much from a man, I just want to be loved, respected and loyalty.

Saying this with kindness, you maybe start by learning to like & love yourself, then comes respecting yourself. Hopefully then you will attract the man you deserve 💕

UpDownAllAround1 · 07/10/2025 21:31

Not traditional way but I just started dating again v quickly

AnonymouseDad · 07/10/2025 22:05

Heartbroken1989 · 07/10/2025 18:40

@Skybluepinkyive got gp appointment next week. I take antidepressants anyway for depression and anxiety. This is just making me worse. The anxiety attacks are the worst, and the feeling cold but sweating. Clenched jaw. It’s a lot right now.

@Heartbroken1989 I'm so sorry he has put you in this situation.
He does not sound like a good person at all.

I can't offer much advise other than to take the power back from him. Does this other woman know about you? If not tell her so she has an idea of what type of person she is going on holiday with.

Talk to your manager. Any personal information that you ask to be kept as personal they cannot tell anyone else in the company other than HR and even then they would tell you first.

In any place I've been that is counted as an act that carries disciplinary action.

I know you have your son to think about but please also put yourself and your needs forward. Is there anything you enjoy? Like going to gigs or anything like that? Even small local ones or activities like clubs or game nights. Give yourself something to look forward to doing.

As others have said. A counselor will help and I am glad you are seeing one.

I wish you all the happiness you deserve and after whats happened and reading into what kind of person you are in this post. I think you deserve a lot of happiness.

Mumlaplomb · 07/10/2025 22:22

OP he isn’t a prize in any way shape or form. You deserve way better than a half arse low effort man who “doesn’t want to put a label on it”. He’s done you a favour here.
Keep going to the gym and invest in yourself and learn that you are worthy of way more than the crumbs he was offering you.

PashaMinaMio · 07/10/2025 22:45

I’m telling you now, you will get over this.

If he’s keeping you on his “back burner” YOU must be the one to conclusively finish it. Look up “monkey branching.” Ask Mr Google what it means.

So hes taken the OW away! What more evidence do you need that you are no longer his priority.

Ffs dump him big time. Block him on absolutely everything. Hes made a conscious decision to betray you why give him another thought? Hes somewhere walking hand in hand with her. Sharing his bed, whispering sweet nothings. You are defo not on his mind.

Your recovery will not be quick but I’m telling you now, in a year’s time, maybe sooner, you will have come through the worst of your “mourning” and will be feeling better. You need to heal and that takes time. It is not linear. It comes in waves. You may never entirely recover from his treachery but your life must go on.

You have youth on your side. Keep yourself really busy, take Magnesium to help you sleep, Aconite homeopathic for anxiety and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Give it time. This too shall pass. (Dont ask me how I know but I do!)

Luna6 · 07/10/2025 23:19

You might feel better if you take back control from him. Send him a final text saying it is over and then block him. You are worth more.

Heartbroken1989 · 08/10/2025 09:21

Thank you everyone for your support.

ive just walked in to work, trying to hold it together, but currently sat in the bathroom crying.

OP posts:
MeganM3 · 08/10/2025 09:36

One day you’ll realise the relationship wasn’t what you wanted it to be anyway. And something more suitable will come up for you. Which will make you happy again.
Breakups are so hard. Heartbreak is painful. The only thing that helps is time. Build yourself
into the best version of yourself… gym / swimming is a brilliant place to start. Life has a way of opening new doors when old ones close, give it time

Heartbroken1989 · 08/10/2025 10:09

I’m really struggling today. I can’t stop crying. I just want to leave work. I also have fibromyalgia, but my adrenaline has been high since I found out about him and her! And my fatigue and pains subsided. I think it’s starting to catch up with me, as my fibro pains have come back all over my body.

OP posts:
Heartbroken1989 · 08/10/2025 10:13

@MeganM3 long distance relationship wouldn’t of worked I get that. But it’s just hard. We could have made it work, but he got someone local so
sucks for me.
ive never felt this broken before.
im soo impatient, I just want to feel better already, 😢 time is good, but I just feel this is going to go on forever.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 08/10/2025 10:30

I think op it's probably worth recognising that you've experienced quite a bit of trauma around relationships in the past and this reaction is making me wonder if what's happened has triggered a trauma reaction in you which is obviously more than the average reaction to a break up. Was ptsd ever explored as a result of your previous abusive relationship? This is something that might be worth exploring with a gp as it might need further assessment and would explain why it's not as simple as drying your eyes the way some posters have suggested. The high adrenaline is a marker of this - its hypervigilance.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to cut him off completely, the thing that hurt you cannot heal you and also you can't do trauma healing when you're still around the source of the trauma (or the trigger).

Heartbroken1989 · 08/10/2025 11:04

@Lavender14 I recently had CBT and ptsd was mentioned, not sure if it is that, but I pretty much erased everything from that situation, people ask me questions about him or the relationship and I have no answers. I don’t even want to think about how shit it was.
Yeh this break up seems a lot, I think it’s worse because none of us have ended it, I just know it’s done, but we’ve been carrying on talking like nothings happened, and now he is away, we haven’t spoke since Sunday which feels harder.

thank you for this

OP posts:
AncoraAmarena · 08/10/2025 12:42

I feel for you, it is like a bereavement and you think you'll never feel happy again. But you will, it will start to die away and you won't be in pain.

You say neither of you have ended it. So you end it. Take back the power. End it and block him. in case he comes snivelling back to reel you in again. He has shown his true colours, do you really want someone like that? You would never be able to trust him again, it would eat you up inside wondering what he was up to. End it, block him - do it now.

I might have missed how old your son is, but the poor thing must be worried sick about you. It will be affecting his every day too, please try to push through and put this man out of your head - for your son's sake, as well as yours.

MoodyBlues1 · 08/10/2025 13:36

So sorry you are going through this and as others say I promise it will get better. He sounds vile and not worth your tears
My relationship of 20 years broke down 2 weeks before Xmas many years ago, when my son was 12, it is hard but you have to pull it together for your poor sons sake.. I have also just come out of an 8 year relationship and suspect there is someone else Just take each day as it comes I am eating lots of ice cream atmStay strong you will get through this.