No contact 30 days. Done. Still feel like absolute rubbish

[Xoxoherewegoagain01]

So I've done my 30 days (over 30 days now) no contact after my ex ended it.

His choice to end it after 16 months together.

I've reflected on the relationship and ultimately he treated me pretty poorly, his communication was awful, very avoidant, alot of emotionally manipulative stuff and gaslighting - he ended it due to me asking basically for bare minimum (communication, time together and to make me feel like I was important to him - not just forget plans and not turn up unless I reminded him - yes really) and overall I've done pretty well, still feel rubbish about it at times and can't stop going over little things in my head....but he ended it and he told me to leave him alone - so I have...

Around day 23 onwards and at random other days of no contact he started posting whatsapp statuses, picture meem type pictures with words along the lines of "it hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can't have them in your arms " and " just because I let you go doesn't mean I wanted too" basically sad break up quotes.... there have been 6 in total... all soppy sad break up quotes implying he misses me thinking of me and loves me - I just wanted to get opinions on what the hell is his game here? I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me insane - I didn't react and didn't break no contact I remained silent - but why? Why would he post these?

What do you guys think?

It sounds like you made the right decision.

What kind of weirdo posts statuses like that on WhatsApp.

I think he’s probably love bombed you to start with, you’re trauma bonded with him and now he’s trying to reel you back in. You don’t mention any DC or long term ties? I think you should block his number so you can’t see all this nonsense and he’ll swiftly move on.

Right !! I do think he changed it so only I could see these statuses....he has never posted a status at all the whole time I was with him so this is very much a new thing...but even so...what the hell?!

Why haven’t you blocked him?

No love bombing I can see at the start now ive reflected and hes not got the gift of the gab and actually not alot about him if I'm honest.

No long term ties at all and I am very close to being ready to block him - it feels like such a big step for some weird reason and yes I know that sounds pathetic

Three weeks is the classic period of time to elapse before a certain type of bloke makes the moves that constitute ‘Hey, I’m casually back to hurt you all over again’.

Don’t let him near you.

Why are you even aware of his WhatsApp status thingies? Can’t you block and delete him?

I don't really block anyone as never really had too and it feels like a big step I know that sounds pathetic....

Thing is he posts the statuses and nothing, so don't even know if he's playing the hey I'm back game because ultimately he isn't - he's not contacted me...

Blocking is just something I haven't done yet it feels like a big step and yes I understand how pathetic that sounds

At least you don’t work together.

Oh and I'm aware because it tells me on my status thingie and some of my friends post so occasionally I look at statuses. Shocked me to say the least when I first saw his... never has he posted a status the whole time we were together !

God yeah... are you in this situation?

He’s hoovering in the abusive cycle of discard and pursue. So transparent, desperate and pathetic. Definitely block him. You’re doing great. Getting over relationships usually takes time, even if it was a bad relationship.

It takes a lot longer than 30 days to break a trauma bond but it will get better and you will meet someone much better. At least you are not humilating yourself with weird status updates. The next thing it'll be updates of him and his new girlfriend complete with veiled barbs. Mute and archive him so you can't see. Blocking will give him attention.

If you are no contact then just ignore it

Probably should of said

• blocking is a weird thing for me it's triggering for weird reasons so I haven't made this step yet... I probably should 100% do that and I'm getting to that stage
• he, as long as I've known him, has never posted a status (not one for me to see anyway) or changed his profile pic ever
• since he ended it and I went no contact, everytime I've changed my profile picture - twice, he's changed his not long after....

It just makes me wonder why on earth would he post that stuff? HE left ME - makes me feel so weird and like what the hell

Ohhh never thought of this re. Blocking and attention your right actually....

Deffo trauma bonded with the manipulation gaslighting etc etc... he was single for nearlly 10 years before we got together.... this is possibly why!!

I'm going to read up on this cycle....thank you for your input... its mind fucking to say the least

No, thank goodness! But i have been when younger. I just ‘styled it out’.

It makes me think his relationship style is designed to make you self doubt and want more. Some people are so good at bringing you in, even when logically you know it’s not right.

They want you to love them - it’s not about how they feel about you imo.

im in my 40s now and I could die when I think about the men I spent my life with/ heart/ tears on.

and honestly this guy sounds like a minging loser!

Just delete him then (and message threads from WA), he won't know you have and he'll be shouting into a void.

I don’t know what a WhatsApp status is, but I think you should change your settings so you can’t see them. As long as they are visible it’s not really a ‘no contact 30 days’, it’s more of a ‘saw a status and was still thinking about it when he put the next one up’ type of thing. No shade meant, we’ve all been there repeatedly.

Blocking is fine, don’t worry about it being a trigger for something, you’ll be doing it to help future you. It’s like buying food now so you’ve got stuff to eat at the weekend. It’s a practical thing to enable you to be okay in the future.

And remember, you wouldn’t have to if he was being normal, but instead he’s sidling up to you, doing a fake cough to see if you look around. Just shut the door.

It's not really "no contact" if you can see all this stuff going on. Delete him and archive all the WA so it's not there.

He might be speaking to someone else anyway, maybe he's been seeing a new person the last few weeks!

He's doing it on purpose to make you feel bad. Don't let the bastard win.

I just love the idea of all his lovelorn heartbroken WhatsApp statuses being read by his plumber and his accountant and anyone else in his contacts book 🤣

He's doing it because when he told you it was over and to leave him alone he didn't expect you to do it.

He expected you to beg him to try again, to be unable to stay away.

He's doing it to reel you back in again.