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Original poster

How to save marriage?

55 replies

blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:36

How can I save my marriage? Married one year, 2 week old baby. It's been Rocky and we have been through a lot. Told me this morning he doesn't want this and is going to sleep with someone else. I'm devastated. To be clear I have been horrible to him at times in the past. He has told me it's over more times than I can count. Can I save this or is if time to let go?

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 01/10/2025 13:41

Time to let it go OP. Don’t beg, he has told you what he wants and plans, all you can do is accept that and make your own plans accordingly.

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:44

Jellybunny56 · 01/10/2025 13:41

Time to let it go OP. Don’t beg, he has told you what he wants and plans, all you can do is accept that and make your own plans accordingly.

I am devastated, totally and utterly devastated. Should I at least say this isn't what I want, but if you do then fine. I can't stop crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:53

I thought he loved me

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 01/10/2025 13:53

blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:44

I am devastated, totally and utterly devastated. Should I at least say this isn't what I want, but if you do then fine. I can't stop crying.

Show quote history

Do you have any family or friends you could stay with even just for a few days to get some breathing space?

Realistically at the point someone is repeatedly saying they want to leave, it’s over, they are going to sleep with someone else, don’t want to be with you- the relationship is long gone.

I would be focusing on you and your baby now. Do you really want to stay with and raise a child with a man who has told you they want to leave you more times than you can count?

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:56

@Jellybunny56no I don't. I guess I want him to be happy and have a happy life with him. Yes I have family, I don't really want to burden then with my problems

OP posts:
moresoup · 01/10/2025 13:57

For the child it's probably better to split while they are tiny. If he's already going on about sleeping with someone else it would be over for me.
Can you call on a friend or family for some real life support

StrawberryWater · 01/10/2025 13:57

OP you had a baby 2 weeks ago.

Let him go and if you both want to work on this relationship do so later on down the line.

Enjoy your new baby.

zeddybrek · 01/10/2025 13:58

Could you both see a therapist together. You have a child together, maybe it's worth both of you going together to see what is the underlying cause. It will make him look at himself and have to justify his behaviour.

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 13:59

StrawberryWater · 01/10/2025 13:57

OP you had a baby 2 weeks ago.

Let him go and if you both want to work on this relationship do so later on down the line.

Enjoy your new baby.

How can I enjoy her with this tainting it? I want to be in that newborn bubble of happiness

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 01/10/2025 13:59

One person can't save a marriage. He doesn't want to be there, your relationship is done and it didn't sound like a stable relationship to begin with. Like a poster above said, concentrate on caring for baby and yourself, let your health visitor know your relationship is breaking down, you might need screening for Post Partum Depression.

Is he using saying he's going to sleep with another woman to coerce you into sex before your body has healed from having your baby? Don't have sex with him in any case, the wound on your uterus has not healed yet and you're risking infection. He also might already be cheating and could pass on STIs.

Is the home yours or will you need to find a new place? Can you move back in with your parents temporarily if you need to?

MellowPinkDeer · 01/10/2025 14:00

Any man who wants to sleep with someone else when his wife had a baby two weeks ago is utter trash. Get rid.

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:04

MellowPinkDeer · 01/10/2025 14:00

Any man who wants to sleep with someone else when his wife had a baby two weeks ago is utter trash. Get rid.

I can't believe he said it. I'm heartbroken

OP posts:
Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:09

outerspacepotato · 01/10/2025 13:59

One person can't save a marriage. He doesn't want to be there, your relationship is done and it didn't sound like a stable relationship to begin with. Like a poster above said, concentrate on caring for baby and yourself, let your health visitor know your relationship is breaking down, you might need screening for Post Partum Depression.

Is he using saying he's going to sleep with another woman to coerce you into sex before your body has healed from having your baby? Don't have sex with him in any case, the wound on your uterus has not healed yet and you're risking infection. He also might already be cheating and could pass on STIs.

Is the home yours or will you need to find a new place? Can you move back in with your parents temporarily if you need to?

It's my house, thankfully. I know everything your saying is correct. I said I'm still bleeding, I think he thinks im lying.

OP posts:
Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:10

It was a c section of that makes a difference to uterus

OP posts:
Mumlaplomb · 01/10/2025 14:25

It is indeed grim that he is saying this when you have just had a baby OP. Disgusting in my mind. Ignore him or ask him to leave if it’s your house, and seek support from friends and family.

middleagebumpyroad · 01/10/2025 14:25

@blueskiesgalore i am sorry you are going through this. A C-section is very hard to recover from as it is and it seems he’s not giving you the help and support you need. I really hope he isn’t pressuring you to have sex as his threat seems very linked to him not believing you are still bleeding. Reach out to family for support, you need it emotionally and mentally physically x

outerspacepotato · 01/10/2025 14:25

blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:10

It was a c section of that makes a difference to uterus

You had a placenta attached to your uterus and that wound could become infected plus you also have a surgical incision through multiple layers including your uterus. You have multiple areas where infection could be introduced.

Infection could risk your fertility and even your life.

How would he like to have to care for your baby 24/7 when you're in hospital on IV antibiotics because he pushed you into having sex too soon before your body has a chance to heal?

He's ignorant or doesn't care that it's too soon for you to have sex.

If he gets pushy, can you have a relative come over to make him leave? It's your house so if anyone leaves, it will be him

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:30

Hes not stupid so I would imagine he realises the severity of a c section. I guess its time to let go.

OP posts:
unsync · 01/10/2025 14:53

He sounds like a delight. He's actually doing you a favour showing his true nature so quickly. If you've only been married a year, get your divorce papers in ASAP. You will be less likely to have to give him any of your house as it is a short marriage (unless you've been together for years beforehand).

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 15:26

unsync · 01/10/2025 14:53

He sounds like a delight. He's actually doing you a favour showing his true nature so quickly. If you've only been married a year, get your divorce papers in ASAP. You will be less likely to have to give him any of your house as it is a short marriage (unless you've been together for years beforehand).

No we haven't. I can't believe this is happening

OP posts:
workshy46 · 01/10/2025 15:47

blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 14:09

It's my house, thankfully. I know everything your saying is correct. I said I'm still bleeding, I think he thinks im lying.

Show quote history

Then leave now .. short marriage he shouldn’t be entitled to half of it .. wait much longer and he will be. It shouldn’t be that hard and to rest you like this after you have literally just given birth is appalling.. as someone said up thread he is utter trash.

unsync · 01/10/2025 15:58

blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 15:26

No we haven't. I can't believe this is happening

Show quote history

Bless you. I know you must be all over the place. Please try and get some real life support. Do you have a health visitor? Can you talk to them?

On the practical side of things, in your shoes, I would be asking him to pack a bag and go. Then I would be sorting out a solicitor. At least then you can get some clarity and he won't be in your face upsetting you more.

middleagebumpyroad · 01/10/2025 16:13

Just as an fyi a solicitor usually does a half hour free consultation. I know it’s hard, you probably don’t get any sleep or a minute for yourself. Reach out to family for a bit of support.

Candyflosies · 01/10/2025 16:17

Op you said you was horrible to him in the past and he wanted to leave before.
Can i ask what thing you did towards him?

Original poster
blueskiesgalore · 01/10/2025 16:19

unsync · 01/10/2025 15:58

Bless you. I know you must be all over the place. Please try and get some real life support. Do you have a health visitor? Can you talk to them?

On the practical side of things, in your shoes, I would be asking him to pack a bag and go. Then I would be sorting out a solicitor. At least then you can get some clarity and he won't be in your face upsetting you more.

Show quote history

I have a health visitor and hopefully see her this week. I don't want my new born away from me for his contact so soon. My head is all over the place

OP posts: