How to save marriage?

[blueskiesgalore]

How can I save my marriage? Married one year, 2 week old baby. It's been Rocky and we have been through a lot. Told me this morning he doesn't want this and is going to sleep with someone else. I'm devastated. To be clear I have been horrible to him at times in the past. He has told me it's over more times than I can count. Can I save this or is if time to let go?

Am I right in thinking that he’s said this because you are not able to have sex right now?

So he’s punishing you for having had surgery to deliver his baby?

Good god. I don’t often lack words but that has knocked me sick.

I`m wondering about this too what was the last straw for him.

I was really hormonal, moody and insecure throughout my pregnancy. We argued a lot. I felt like I struggled to cope.

I don't actually know. Things were ok then he went really moody said about the sex and he was going to go and shag someone today. I said im still bleeding and he said something along the lines of not believing me. I don't think his moodiness was the lack of sex

Any man who tells the mother of his 2-week-old baby that he's off to shag someone else is scum. This man is showing you what your life will be like in the future if you manage to entice him (ha!) to stay with you. He really, really isn't worth it - enjoy your baby, contact your family, lean on them and your friends, and us here on Mumsnet - but don't let that excuse for a male back into your life. The pain you're feeling now will just continue over the years if you do. None of this is your fault, and you must not blame yourself - he's just inadequate and not up to the job of being a decent partner and father.

There's a reason why you are not supposed to have sex for at least six weeks post partum. Putting aside the c-section (which is a whole other lot of trauma), where the placenta separated from your body is effectively an open wound inside you. It is important to let it heal and not introduce any potential infection sources.

Please talk to your health visitor when you see them. I find your husband's behaviour and attitude really disturbing. None of this is your fault. Your baby is far too young for visitation to be an issue. Please don't let that be the reason for not asking him to go. I hope you will keep us updated.

Jesus Christ he sounds disgusting. Threatening to cheat on you because you don’t feel up for sex 2 weeks post c section is awful. He is trash. Get rid. He is in no way a man but an entitled little boy.

I guess I cant make him want to be with me. I just wish I made him happy

I don't know if that is the reason. But it was heartbreaking to hear none the less

Why does he even deserve your time? He is showing you who he is. Believe him. Why would you want to make this slug happy, he has no concern for yours or your wellbeing.

I want to go to sleep and wake up and it's all a bad dream. Or him to just give me a cuddle and say it's alright and he loves me

I love him and when I just had the baby things were perfect and I thought we would be a happy family. I can't bare the thought of him with someone else.

Congratulations on your baby please take good care of you and her 💗You are young you will get through this.

sometimes we sugar coat our relationships in order to mask the bad as we don’t want it to be true. He sounds very disrespectful of woman especially the mother of his child. He has a beautiful baby daughter too. I wonder how he would feel if your daughter got with an entitled nasty pig like him. I know you said you have been nasty to him in the past but this does not mean he can treat you like this.

clean the house de clutter look after the baby keep your mind on you and her take her for walks build a life without Him and in time you will see that he wasn’t for you and you will find a man who will love and respect you. You’ve got this girl!!!

Oh love.

The newborn stage is hardly ever a bubble of sweetness and joy, despite what the baby books want us to think. It's a fucking slog at the best of times, and your relationship taking a nosedive is potentially going to add to risk factors of PND.

Speak to your midwife and health visitor, see what support they can offer you.

Take things easy. Be kind to yourself. Speak to your family x

(Obviously your relationship sounds like it was failing a long time before now - if he's not already slept with someone he's told you that's his plan. You might not think this now but you're best off away from him)

Thank you for your kindness in crying reading this. I'm blessed with my beautiful daughter and that's the important thing, thank you for reminding me

OP, congratulations on your baby. Your hormones are all over the place and a C-section makes it doubly hard.

I am so pissed off with this immature boy-man who makes you feel like this.

Take it from me. I'm a solo mum and it's a whole lot better than being with a man who acts like a boy.... cos boohoo, I can't have sex right now. Pathetic.

Rally all the people you can muster, friends, family, neighbours and fuck him off out of your life.

You are the heroine here.

YOU have to create that bubble yourself! The baby is what is most important now. She needs to be your absolute focus now.
I doubt things have been rosy recently with this man since not only does he leave you with a 2 week old but he also explicitly says he will sleep with someone else.
Contact your family and ask them to support and help you.
Regardless of what has caused the relationship problems, this man is bad news.

Throw him out. In a few weeks he’ll regret it and he’ll want come back. That’s when you say no and he’ll feel everything you’re feeling now. You’re strong enough to do this by yourself, like you said it’s your house so he has no right to be there. He sounds vile and you’re well rid, it just doesn’t feel like it now.

Enjoy your new baby, you’ll figure it all out and one day you’ll look back on this and wonder why you were so upset. Get 30 mins free with a solicitor and see what they suggest, but I hope you can take him to the cleaners

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and advice. It's appreciated more than you know ❤

^This. What a revolting specimen.

He wasn't always and has said things he doesn't mean. I'm hoping this is one. But everyone is right it's not a good thing.

Oh OP, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there. Wishing it could all just be ok. Probably blaming yourself, and wishing you could have done better.

But it’s not all your fault. The relationship clearly isn’t right. You say you’ve been moody and insecure; he’s said some awful things. You two don’t get on; don’t gel. You bring out the worst in each other.

There are always good times, even in bad relationships. But in good relationships there are never times as bad as this.

Having a baby with someone you love and never fall out with is really tough. For you two it’s already proved impossible after just 2 weeks. If you walk away now, you’ll save yourself and your baby so much pain.

It’s easier said than done. But this isn’t the environment you want to bring your baby up in.

❤

You’re 2 weeks post partum, your hormones are everywhere and you’re sleep deprived. Now is not the time to make any drastic decisions.

You need to focus on you and baby and get your parents or other family round for practical and emotional support. Let him move out if needed but don’t decide on anything.

I just didn't want this to happen. I need to be strong for my baby and will speak to my mum tomorrow now that my head is getting around things