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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Surely this isn’t normal????

83 replies

whatsnew123 · 01/10/2025 09:53

Tiny bit of background. Have been with my partner for three years, lived together for one. I have one child from previous relationship he has none.

When things are good they are great, but more often than not these days things are awful at home.

He will do things like check the ring door bell camera and listen in to conversations I’ve either had with a neighbour, a friend, a family member. If he can’t fully hear what is spoken about he will ask me about what we were talking about. Obviously it’s just chit chat but he will act really suspicious which I find odd.

If I go on a rare night out with friends or with work, no matter what I wear he has an issue with it. Dress is too short, too much boob out. Pre warns me about how I should be smiling if I happen to put any thing on my social media, as doing all the ‘pouting’ gives off the wrong impression. To who? I have a private social media account with only friends and family on there!

asks me to take photos I’ve posted from night out down from social media if he doesn’t like them. I refuse which then causes arguments as I always push back as I think the behaviour is really strange. I don’t think like he does at all and some of his way of thinking absolutely baffles me.

I go on my phone too much apparently. He doesn’t like me having a password to my txt messages (reason for this is because there are private group chats with friends on there and I wouldn’t want anyone having access to private conversations)
no matter what I do or say to make him realise this isn’t normal behaviour it is always turned around back onto me. That i should respect him, and that im the one who reacts badly.

at the moment im just consumed with wondering is it me? Do I react the wrong way? I can’t cope with this anymore but when i try to speak to him about it, somehow I’m left even more confused and questioning myself.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 01/10/2025 12:40

So he moved in with you after you had been together for 2 years, way too soon especially when you have a child. I bet it was his idea and he pressured you into it before you were ready. Hopefully he hasn't been paying towards your mortgage so he'll have no claim on the house. Get him removed and ignore any suicide threats.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 01/10/2025 13:12

Perfectly normal for an abusive relationship...

BigBirdOfPrey · 01/10/2025 13:19

Leave! He’s too insecure

BigBirdOfPrey · 01/10/2025 13:20

Side note - what’s he up to?

Terrribletwos · 01/10/2025 14:01

I would be very careful @whatsnew123 he is likely considering his next move.

Don't back down if he comes back love bombing you or playing the victim.

user2848502016 · 01/10/2025 14:04

Leave him

Ohmygodthepain · 01/10/2025 14:08

My ex started out like this op.

First it was asking me to remove pics on sm if he didn't like them. Then telling me not to post. Comments and digs about outfits leading to me not going out at all because it wasn't worth the aggro. Visits to my parents cutting back to eventually me not visiting for 6 months, despite his parents living 200 miles closer and then never showing any interest at all in us or the dgc.

Next he'll be questioning what you spend your money on. To the point he makes all the financial decisions.

All of it - ALL OF IT - is abusive. He tells you that you need to respect him, yet he has ZERO respect for you.

You need to end this relationship. Sooner the better.

CallmePaul · 01/10/2025 23:14

TwistedWonder · 01/10/2025 10:05

Of course it’s not normal. He’s a controlling abusive cunt

Get this man out of your life - nothing will
improve and he shouldn’t be anywhere near your child

This reply sums it up perfectly.

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