Boyfriend wants to buy a together after only a year

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So the backstory is: I bought my first house in August 2024. Just two months later, I met my current boyfriend (typical). He had just gone through a divorce and owned his own house, which he bought in 2019. For context, he bought out his ex wife when they split up. My plan was always to keep my house and rent it out if I met someone. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon though.

We have been together for almost a year, and he recently proposed the idea of buying a house together. I was caught off guard, but he mentioned that he’s not feeling happy in his current home anymore, it doesn’t feel like his and he wants a fresh start with me. Plus, we both want kids eventually, so he thinks we should start planning our future. I told him I wasn’t sure and that I’d need to really think things through first and also speak to a mortgage advisor.

I bought my house when prices were sky high, and I’ve also put nearly 10k into fixing various things. If I sold, it would definitely be at a loss. Additionally, I’m not sure if my income is sufficient to qualify for two mortgages or a buy to let. He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Is this all happening too fast? Is it too complicated? Should we both hold off for a little while until our (or at least mine) financial circumstances improve? For context, we’re both 30, but he makes more than I do (he’s at 40k, I’m at 28k), although I have more in savings. It may be worth noting that my house is also valued higher since we live in different areas. He can’t sell his house and move in with me due to work.

I’m out of my depth here so any advice would be appreciated.

Oops, just noticed I left out "house" in the title and it won’t let me change it!

Way too soon for anything like that. Less than a year is nothing. You’d be mad to proceed at this stage. Spend more time together and let things develop more organically otherwise you risk being trapped in a difficult and expensive mess.

Could you have a period of living together at one of your homes, renting the other out, to see how you get on? Surely this would be the sensible next step rather than buying together so soon?

Agree with this. It’s far too soon to buy together imo.

Move into one home and rent out the other for at least a year then have another discussion

If you would be on the mortgage and would pay your share of the bills for the new place, why on earth would that give him a stake in your current house?

He can ringfence the equity he puts into the deposit on the new place, if you proceed with that, then you both build up equity in the new place in proportion to your contributions to the mortgage, and you keep 100% of your existing place, plus the rental income from it.

Anything else reeks strongly of him trying to take financial advantage of you.

I think it's way too soon anyway, but as a minimum if you do proceed, ensure you keep 100% of your existing property - it's your key to independence if things don't work out, and hence really important.

You don’t need to do anything. Just tell him you’re not ready for such a financial commitment but would be fine with renting a house together and each of you renting out your respective houses.

A year in is far too soon to be talking about living together. He basically sees it as an easy option as he isn't happy where he is, but he's a grown man and will have to sort himself out. Just tell him it's too soon to be talking about living together and you will revisit the conversation in a few years time. Do not be pressured into giving up your financial independence and do not make yourself financially vunerable,

"He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house".

I would not go anywhere near this arrangement under any circumstances. At the very least you would be extremely foolhardy to go ahead
also as you have been together for less than a year. Why the push too from his side?. And no mention from him of marriage to you prior to children either. It would not surprise me if he did not want to marry again.

I would also seek legal advice on your own re his proposal above and see what your Solicitor has to say about it.

His unhappiness with his home doesn’t mean you have to rush things - you’re right to be wary.

Way, way, way too soon!

A year together and not having lived together for a good long while would be a recipe for disaster.

Being a landlord can be a nightmare.

No way would I give him a stake in your current house! And it isn’t necessary (should you buy together in the future) , he could just ringfence his deposit in a Deed.

It looks as if he is looking to use you to prop up his plans / convenience / situation

Why can’t he just sell up and buy somewhere different and you both move in there? He can probably increase his mortgage a bit now? Especially if you rent out your house and contribute to costs.

Far too soon.

why the rush? it's a possible red flag thar he's pushing this so soon. A year is nothing, especially when he's been through a divorce.

Do either of you have kids already?

The danger is if suddenly decides to stop working or loses his job and then you're responsible for making the mortgage payment.

Better to keep finances separate and see how things go.

I think a lot of women would also say it's far more sensible for a woman to have her own property to fall back on these days in case anything goes wrong.

Most residential mortgages will allow you to rent out your property for a period of 12 months if you get their permission. You could do that, stay at his for a trial period and see how it goes.

Understand what a deed of trust is before you think about any plans beyond that.

To be fair my husband and I started speaking about buying together when we had only been together a year but we hadn’t been married before and would be first time buyers so different scenario. In this case given you both have homes there is no need to rush and it sounds like it wouldn’t suit you financially at the moment. Just say no.

Don’t do anything that allows him to feel he has a stake in your house. Keep it separate. If he so desperately wants to live together you move into his house and pay him rent (rent yours out.) If he hates his house he can sell it and buy another one on his own. I’d be wary.

The older I get the more I realise how important financial security is. I would never give up that house, OP. If you want to live together, why not rent his out and split the rent between you? I'd keep separate accounts, too. It's different if you're married but you've only known him a year. I wonder why he has less savings than you, despite earning more. Is that because of his lifestyle or his divorce?

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed

That's enough of a reason not to do it right there. That's your subconscious telling you you're not ready to do it yet.

Trust yourself.

Absolutely no way would I do this and it’s far too soon as well. You feeling overwhelmed is telling you it’s not the right thing for you to do- listen to how you feel.

What’s the rush? Him not feeling happy in his home isn’t for you to sort out for him. You’ve been together less than a year and he is recently divorced. It’s far too early for all of this.
Keep your own place and have fun seeing each other. Please don’t rush into this.

He probably isn’t finding it very enjoyable living in his own after being married, but he will get used to it and that’s no reason to buy a house together so early.
I know a few men who seem like they can’t manage living on their own for any amount of time in their own place and rush into living with a new partner.

100% agree with @WatchingTheDetective. I wish I had learned when I was younger to prioritise my and my DC financial security above all else. I would hold on to your house and be wary. He has been married before, lots of men, however lovely they are, are keen to get back into a domestic arrangement because it suits them better. I'd suggest you do what suits you better and don't be persuaded by declarations of love and togetherness until it's what YOU want.

And even then I would keep my house!

Definitely not, way way too soon. You have your own house, your own security.

Why is he so keen for this? That would have me feeling uncomfortable TBH

Don’t compromise or give your security up without being absolutely sure.

I don't think it's too soon to want to live together but it's definitely too soon in relation to how financially complicated it's going to be.

You need to really trust someone, and really know you've got a long term future with them before embarking on this! You'd be giving up your own financial asset and your financial independence and walking into the unknown with a man you've never lived with before and with no idea how he sees financial equality when there is a wage discrepancy.

I'm not sure you can feel that level of certainty about someone after less than a year of knowing the, and definitely not well enough to take that level of risk.

I agree with all the other posters. Both of you keep your properties and rent them out, whilst you rent somewhere together to see if you're even compatible and if you're both on the 'same page' with regards to how finances work in a set-up where there is a 12K wage difference.

No no noooooooo.

I bought my first house at 19, then I married and we bought 2 houses together.

My last one faced repossession after he fucked off back to England and I'm now in the process of selling my house to the council.

Gone forever.

Firstly, you can stall for time. Who knows what Rachel Reeves is going to announce but becoming a landlord for either of you right now is probably a bad idea.

Then there's capital gains tax, if you rent out the house so soon into ownership, you will when you sell it pay CGT on practically all gains you may make.

He can't live with you because of his job... or it doesn't suit him? Be honest with yourself, is he a touch selfish. Do you mostly go to his? Or does he expect to be mollycoddled and not lift a finger at yours?

Personally I'd simply say, it's too soon for you and you want to get to know him better before taking such a big step. Combining finances in this way would be difficult to untangle if any issues and while you are in negative equity it is undesirable. If the relationship is moving towards marriage and children [make it clear it is in that order] then you can revisit on the basis of selling both properties and taking an equal stake in a property you could afford the mortgage on should you split and there are children to house.

Tread carefully, he's already been married.

Don’t give up easily what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. Wait another year, what’s the hurry if you’re both in it forever?