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Original poster

Boyfriend wants to buy a together after only a year

80 replies

myspaceishere · 29/09/2025 09:40

So the backstory is: I bought my first house in August 2024. Just two months later, I met my current boyfriend (typical). He had just gone through a divorce and owned his own house, which he bought in 2019. For context, he bought out his ex wife when they split up. My plan was always to keep my house and rent it out if I met someone. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon though.

We have been together for almost a year, and he recently proposed the idea of buying a house together. I was caught off guard, but he mentioned that he’s not feeling happy in his current home anymore, it doesn’t feel like his and he wants a fresh start with me. Plus, we both want kids eventually, so he thinks we should start planning our future. I told him I wasn’t sure and that I’d need to really think things through first and also speak to a mortgage advisor.

I bought my house when prices were sky high, and I’ve also put nearly 10k into fixing various things. If I sold, it would definitely be at a loss. Additionally, I’m not sure if my income is sufficient to qualify for two mortgages or a buy to let. He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Is this all happening too fast? Is it too complicated? Should we both hold off for a little while until our (or at least mine) financial circumstances improve? For context, we’re both 30, but he makes more than I do (he’s at 40k, I’m at 28k), although I have more in savings. It may be worth noting that my house is also valued higher since we live in different areas. He can’t sell his house and move in with me due to work.

I’m out of my depth here so any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 29/09/2025 12:25

So he wants a financial stake in your higher value house, while also wanting you to buy together? Absolutely not. He wants the security of buying somewhere with you contributing to costs, and the security of a stake in your current house - no real risk for him and lots of risk for you. Your gut is telling you “no” for a reason.

outerspacepotato · 29/09/2025 12:42

Under a year together and he's pushing you to move in a bit a house together?

Way, way too soon. I smell a rat. He doesn't like his house so he wants a stake in yours and then for you to financially contribute to a new house.

Do not do this. Do not risk your biggest financial asset on a guy you haven't even been with a year. That's a short term relationship. You do not have his full financial picture but you already know he has less savings than you despite earning more

Tell him no and I personally would back away from this relationship a bit. How long has he been divorced?

Bananalanacake · 29/09/2025 12:48

I always give a relationship a good five years before I even think about moving in, put your foot down

Ilady · 29/09/2025 13:26

I agree with what another poster said here that the older I get the more I realise how financial security is.
Your only with him a year and he has now decided that he no longer likes his current home. He has come up with a plan to buy his new home using your income, savings and the home you already own.

You have said this to us - He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

I would not agree to selling your house, using your house as security or giving him a share of your home to enable him to buy a new house. Your house is your security and I would not give this up now. If you and him brake up you need your home to move back into.

Tell him that you have decided that you and him can rent a place together for 12 months that suits you both for work. You can both rent your own homes out then.
After 12 months we can decide if we want to get engaged and married. Tell him that you want to be married before having kids.
Tell him we can sell both our house then to buy a family home in an area that suits us both.

At that stage you can both note what cash and percentage of the new house cost that you both put in to give you protection if you split up at a later date.

He either agrees to moving in together in a house rental and to a make a decision then about getting engaged and be married before having kids in 12 months time or you stay put in your current home.

If he wants a new house now he can buy this on his own without your savings or getting his hands on your home.

Don't distroy all that you have worked and saved for up to now for a man who you have not even lived with yet.

StewkeyBlue · 29/09/2025 13:33

Then there's capital gains tax, if you rent out the house so soon into ownership, you will when you sell it pay CGT on practically all gains you may make.

This is a very good point. And disadvantages you, not him.

unsync · 29/09/2025 13:35

Don't give up your financial security. I wouldn't do any of that, including children, without being married or in a civil partnership. When you have that commitment and legal protection in place, then go ahead. His attitude towards this will tell you what you need to know about him.

coxesorangepippin · 29/09/2025 13:39

Nope.

Sounds like he's grabbing an opportunity rather than anything else -

Lindy2 · 29/09/2025 13:39

Much too soon.

This seems to he driven entirely by him and what he wants not what you want.

Your home is your financial security. Don't give that away lightly. 1 year is very short for that type of decision with someone who has already been through a divorce.

StewkeyBlue · 29/09/2025 13:42

Go back to basics.

First: Do you love him? Have a secure sense that he is for you, and that the two of you can make a team, back to back against the world, and building your future together with passion, committment, motivation and hope?

If so - great! Live together. You really need to live together before enmeshing yourself in anything financial.

Where do you actually want to live? It sounds as if location for his work is an issue, what about you? Why did you choose your location to buy? Where do you see your long term future?

How much can you / will you each compromise to live together? Is your house really impossible for his job? Would he change jobs? Is he likely to move jobs in the nearish future anyway? Are you? Do either of you find it particularly hard to find work in your sector? If he bought another property and you moved in how would that suit your job?

GameWheelsAlarm · 29/09/2025 13:56

Its way too soon. He's thinking of what's advantageous for him and that's not a good place to start. Don't be a hobby landlord, it's very difficult to make any profit if you just have one or two properties and you often don't have time or energy to properly meet all landlord obligations. My advice would be to keep things as they are for at least another 6 months/a year. If at that point you are convinced he's the one, both of you sell your current homes and rent together short term for the gap between when the first property sells and the 2nd, then buy a house together on equal terms. While you have separate finances and unequal incomes, equal terms means that you each have equal amounts going into your individual savings and pensions and equal amounts of spending "fun money" left over after contributing to household expenses - which does nean he will be putting more into the shared pot. If he isn't willing to agree to that but wants to keep more financial advantages to himself, be cautious. He may not be very good partnership material if his main priority is himself.

BountifulPantry · 29/09/2025 13:58

Ilady · 29/09/2025 13:26

I agree with what another poster said here that the older I get the more I realise how financial security is.
Your only with him a year and he has now decided that he no longer likes his current home. He has come up with a plan to buy his new home using your income, savings and the home you already own.

You have said this to us - He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

I would not agree to selling your house, using your house as security or giving him a share of your home to enable him to buy a new house. Your house is your security and I would not give this up now. If you and him brake up you need your home to move back into.

Tell him that you have decided that you and him can rent a place together for 12 months that suits you both for work. You can both rent your own homes out then.
After 12 months we can decide if we want to get engaged and married. Tell him that you want to be married before having kids.
Tell him we can sell both our house then to buy a family home in an area that suits us both.

At that stage you can both note what cash and percentage of the new house cost that you both put in to give you protection if you split up at a later date.

He either agrees to moving in together in a house rental and to a make a decision then about getting engaged and be married before having kids in 12 months time or you stay put in your current home.

If he wants a new house now he can buy this on his own without your savings or getting his hands on your home.

Don't distroy all that you have worked and saved for up to now for a man who you have not even lived with yet.

Actually I think this sounds sensible. Both rent out for 12 months and move into a combined rental. Proposal at the end of the tenancy or you go your separate ways.

or stay in your respective homes and see how things go.

OhMyGiddyAnt · 29/09/2025 14:00

That would be a really bad decision.

Finteq · 29/09/2025 14:01

Would have to be a big No from me.

He needs to sort out his housing situation.

And if in the future you decide to live together you can decide what the logistics are then

Shakemesexy · 29/09/2025 14:02

Whatever you do do NOT give him a stake in the house you currently own - he could force a sale if he wanted

Sugarcube84 · 29/09/2025 14:04

The bit that jumps out to me is him putting down the deposit for the new house but then owning a stake in yours, absolutely not. By all means explore the option of buying together consult a mortgage broker etc but why would you ever let him own a stake in yours? There are mechanisms to ensure everyone keeps what they put in, he can ring fence his deposit and own it as tenants in common based on how you are going to split paying the mortgage.

You aren’t married or even engaged it’s an newish relationship and I’d want the security of my own home to fall back on.

MyDownstairsLooisHaunted · 29/09/2025 15:06

Sugarcube84 · 29/09/2025 14:04

The bit that jumps out to me is him putting down the deposit for the new house but then owning a stake in yours, absolutely not. By all means explore the option of buying together consult a mortgage broker etc but why would you ever let him own a stake in yours? There are mechanisms to ensure everyone keeps what they put in, he can ring fence his deposit and own it as tenants in common based on how you are going to split paying the mortgage.

You aren’t married or even engaged it’s an newish relationship and I’d want the security of my own home to fall back on.

This is a good point.

Hypothetically, he could put the lump sum down, make a few mortgage payments with you then lose or quit his job and you'd be left paying the mortgage single handedly. If you split he'd have a claim on the joint house and on your property, effectively doubling his initial deposit.

Claiming a stake in your house effectively puts you over a barrel in terms of him being able to control you.

This is not a good outcome for you @myspaceishere

Middlechild3 · 29/09/2025 15:42

God no, not least because the financial risk is on you, not him. Its also only been a year. He can get his fesh start by selling his place and getting something else. If he can afford it. Don't let someone use your good financial position to improve his.

BCBird · 29/09/2025 16:02

Soontobe60 · 29/09/2025 10:13

You don’t need to do anything. Just tell him you’re not ready for such a financial commitment but would be fine with renting a house together and each of you renting out your respective houses.

Perfect solution.

mindutopia · 29/09/2025 16:16

Way too soon. I’d personally never buy a house with someone I wasn’t married to. It’s a huge legal and financial commitment and if it’s too soon for marriage, it’s too soon to be locked into a mortgage.

If he’s unhappy with his home, nothing is stopping him from selling up and buying something different for himself. Unless it’s your equity he’s after.

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 16:22

myspaceishere · 29/09/2025 09:40

So the backstory is: I bought my first house in August 2024. Just two months later, I met my current boyfriend (typical). He had just gone through a divorce and owned his own house, which he bought in 2019. For context, he bought out his ex wife when they split up. My plan was always to keep my house and rent it out if I met someone. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon though.

We have been together for almost a year, and he recently proposed the idea of buying a house together. I was caught off guard, but he mentioned that he’s not feeling happy in his current home anymore, it doesn’t feel like his and he wants a fresh start with me. Plus, we both want kids eventually, so he thinks we should start planning our future. I told him I wasn’t sure and that I’d need to really think things through first and also speak to a mortgage advisor.

I bought my house when prices were sky high, and I’ve also put nearly 10k into fixing various things. If I sold, it would definitely be at a loss. Additionally, I’m not sure if my income is sufficient to qualify for two mortgages or a buy to let. He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Is this all happening too fast? Is it too complicated? Should we both hold off for a little while until our (or at least mine) financial circumstances improve? For context, we’re both 30, but he makes more than I do (he’s at 40k, I’m at 28k), although I have more in savings. It may be worth noting that my house is also valued higher since we live in different areas. He can’t sell his house and move in with me due to work.

I’m out of my depth here so any advice would be appreciated.

He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

I would be EXTREMELY wary of doing something like this

I also think it’s way to early to get financially entangled with this man

Definitely rent somewhere together first for a year and see how it goes, did he also rush into his first marriage ( look where that ended up) …..don’t let him pressure you

Im single and own my own home ( no kids) I don’t think I would ever sell this house as it’s my safety net and somewhere to go if any relationship goes wrong, I hear too many stories ( mainly on here) of people being miserable in relationships but are stuck because they have nowhere to go….

DarkTreesWhisper · 29/09/2025 16:40

No to buying, far too soon. You said he can't live with you due to work, could you live with him for a short while to test the waters? Never buy with someone you have not lived with for a period of time.

Have you talked through where you would live together thinking toward the future? Marriage? How many children? How would finances work? A rough timeline for all these things to happen. Do not have children without being married first.

Missj25 · 29/09/2025 21:13

Sienna61 · 29/09/2025 09:50

Way too soon for anything like that. Less than a year is nothing. You’d be mad to proceed at this stage. Spend more time together and let things develop more organically otherwise you risk being trapped in a difficult and expensive mess.

I agree 💯 with Sienna61 👌

ThreePears · 29/09/2025 21:41

If he can't sell his house and move in with you due to his work, is he expecting you to sell up and buy somewhere together closer to his location? And if so, where does that leave you with your work?

My gut feeling is that he wants a bigger house and wants to use the equity in yours in order to get one.

BonneMaman77 · 29/09/2025 21:46

He’s not happy with his house where he used to live with his ex. Your house has no bad memories for him or you then why not he move into your place? He can either rent out or sell his place. You can live in yours for a year and he can be a tenant or pay bills for a year or so as others have suggested. If you work as a couple then buy together. Why would you want to rent out or sell your first home so soon anyway.

Temporaryname158 · 29/09/2025 21:53

Not a chance!

so his unhappy home situation is now your job to help resolve? Big red flag!

also him buying a house given him zero reason to need a stake in your home.

this is all red flag territory and there is no way I’d be agreeing to this