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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend wants to buy a together after only a year

80 replies

myspaceishere · 29/09/2025 09:40

So the backstory is: I bought my first house in August 2024. Just two months later, I met my current boyfriend (typical). He had just gone through a divorce and owned his own house, which he bought in 2019. For context, he bought out his ex wife when they split up. My plan was always to keep my house and rent it out if I met someone. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon though.

We have been together for almost a year, and he recently proposed the idea of buying a house together. I was caught off guard, but he mentioned that he’s not feeling happy in his current home anymore, it doesn’t feel like his and he wants a fresh start with me. Plus, we both want kids eventually, so he thinks we should start planning our future. I told him I wasn’t sure and that I’d need to really think things through first and also speak to a mortgage advisor.

I bought my house when prices were sky high, and I’ve also put nearly 10k into fixing various things. If I sold, it would definitely be at a loss. Additionally, I’m not sure if my income is sufficient to qualify for two mortgages or a buy to let. He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Is this all happening too fast? Is it too complicated? Should we both hold off for a little while until our (or at least mine) financial circumstances improve? For context, we’re both 30, but he makes more than I do (he’s at 40k, I’m at 28k), although I have more in savings. It may be worth noting that my house is also valued higher since we live in different areas. He can’t sell his house and move in with me due to work.

I’m out of my depth here so any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
GrannyGoggles · 29/09/2025 22:03

Realistically, it is highly unlikely for it to stack up financially for you both to let your properties and then rent a third. Logistically a nightmare, costs and hassle of getting a property up to spec to let out, agency fees, managing rental properties, sorting out changes with mortgage company - just no.

Not to mention you’ve barely been together a year, add in his fancy for a ‘stake’ in your property. NO, NO! You know it’s no.

It’s not no, never. It’s no, this is too soon and too complicated. And you know that. Trust yourself. And if he pushes for what he wants at the cost of what you’re comfortable with be wary

GiveDogBone · 30/09/2025 19:23

Too soon. Although to be fair many people wait ages and it turns out to be a horrendous mistake.

Also. Don’t worry about the buy to let mortgage, they’re not based on your income but the rental income (of course you will have to cover it if you don’t have a tenant in there).

perfectcolourfound · 30/09/2025 19:28

A very wise person taight me

'if you feel someone is rushing you in to a decision, the only right answer is 'no''.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 30/09/2025 20:25

Has he mentioned marriage or any other commitment? I would bottom that out first before giving him a stake in your property.

MoominMai · 30/09/2025 20:39

The first reason he gave you why after a year he wants to buy a property o together is because he doesn’t ’feel comfortable’ in his current home. Then he skips to saying you should start planning a future involving kids and so a house needed for that anyway. No passionate declaration of love or marriage! This all seems a bit back to front. Also, you’ve only known him a year. Honestly, from a 52 year old - that is nothing. That’s still very much ‘honeymoon’ territory. You need at least another year together to know if you’re truly compatible/continue liking each other.

Don’t let him hurry you along. You’re still young - only 30 so have a couple of years before you need to start worrying about being too old for kids of you do want them. You’ve done something many young women your age will struggle to do which is to purchase their own property. I would advise you focus on your career as you seem to imply you’d like to do. Your BF is already on an above average salary and you’re definitely not so stay focussed on yourslef would be my advice. The phrase “Marry (act) in haste, repent at leisure” comes to mind!

Mandylovescandy · 30/09/2025 22:05

I don't think it is too soon to live together or to consider buying if you had lived together. We had a joint house and a baby within 2 years but if it feels overwhelming and too soon for you don't. Also do not give him a share in your house. If he pays deposit for the new house, when you are ready for it, he can you can get a legal agreement to ring fence it so it is protected for him if you spilt and have to sell.

Missj25 · 30/09/2025 22:30

Mandylovescandy · 30/09/2025 22:05

I don't think it is too soon to live together or to consider buying if you had lived together. We had a joint house and a baby within 2 years but if it feels overwhelming and too soon for you don't. Also do not give him a share in your house. If he pays deposit for the new house, when you are ready for it, he can you can get a legal agreement to ring fence it so it is protected for him if you spilt and have to sell.

12 months is far too soon to buy a house together !..
That’s spending 1 birthday together, 1 Easter together , 1 Halloween together, 1 Christmas together..
Next step , “ let’s buy a house together “ …
That doesn’t sound right , does it ???
Cause it isn’t !!!

Toptops · 30/09/2025 22:56

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that 'do nothing' can be an option.
Especially when things seem very complicated.
This is one of those times. Things will become clearer

Shoemadlady · 30/09/2025 23:01

If your gut is screaming it’s too soon, it’s because it is. ALWAYS go with your gut instinct

Beesandhoney123 · 30/09/2025 23:08

I don't understand why he would have a stake in your house now, if he plans to put down the deposit on a new house, and live in it with you. Does he mean for you to sell your house?

  1. Don't sell your house, give him a key, let him live there without a rent book he signs, use ot as his address. Do not put him on the mortgage or the deeds.
  1. He could always buy his own proptry with his deposit and pay his own mortgage. Why is this your problem to solve?
  1. Too fast, and it's for convenience not love. I think you know this. No mention of marriage. He'll marry you though, for his financial security.
  1. Go out with friends more, and don't play at house and wife. Make sure you have weekends where you are busy with friends and you / your house is not his weekend pad.
  1. Is he the only fish in the sea?
MeTooOverHere · 30/09/2025 23:10

myspaceishere · 29/09/2025 09:49

Oops, just noticed I left out "house" in the title and it won’t let me change it!

Something doesn't add up. Not sure what but it reeks of fish.

Too soon, too permanent and why does he get part of title on your place? Nah.

RubieChewsDay · 30/09/2025 23:18

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 29/09/2025 11:03

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed

That's enough of a reason not to do it right there. That's your subconscious telling you you're not ready to do it yet.

Trust yourself.

This is the only response that you really need to read, listen to your gut. But if you do decide to do this, either now or in the future do not let him have a stake in your house.

neighboursmustliveon · 01/10/2025 00:55

I don’t think a year is too soon on theory, my own husband and I started our house purchase after just over a year together it we were both first time buyers so less to loose.

I agree with so many others, it feels too complicated, too early to join financially together yet.

If he doesn’t like his house anymore he can sell and buy his own home and you can re assess in the future about your ownership etc of that if you decide to move in together.

Mackerelfillets · 01/10/2025 01:39

Nope!! You're not there yet and he only wants to do it as he doesn't like his house. Listen to your gut. DO NOT SELL your house at this point.

Mrsgreen100 · 01/10/2025 09:28

It’s far too soon don’t do it, also somebody on here suggested that live together if he ends up moving with you you need a cohabitation agreement, sorry to say this but his history of staying in relationships isn’t good. You could end up losing some of the equity in your house to him if you live together, be really careful You don’t get caught out if he’s genuine he won’t have any problem with this to

waterrat · 01/10/2025 09:30

If you are at all unsure don't do it.

OhMyGiddyAnt · 01/10/2025 09:48

waterrat · 01/10/2025 09:30

If you are at all unsure don't do it.

Even if you are 100% sure don’t do it

Mrsgreen100 · 19/02/2026 13:05

Goodness, no way, why would you expose yourself like that? He’s already had one failed relationship what happens when he’s got half of your house ? If you really want to live with this guy, wait another six months to a year and then either rent together and let your house or he can buy something and you can live in his house!!!

FloydPink · 19/02/2026 14:52

It is not too soon - if you feel it's the right thing.

I dont buy the people who say you cant do x until y months or years (meeting kids, moving in etc..) as its down to the person and relationship. I know I move at 100mph so am always on the quicker end.

I moved in with my GF after 7 months (renting) and had bought together 18 months after meeting. We were 27/23 and it seemed right. On the one hand 22 years and 2 kids together - on the other horrible divorce and now NC so whose to say if it was the right thing or not 😂

Yes, it's important to protect yourself if you stand to lose if it doesnt work out and vice-versa. It sounds like the numbers may not add up yet.

Why the need to move fast (some have said) - well, 30 is a good age, not too much to lose (kids) and at some point will want kids. Why waste 2/3 years dating, moving in and then realising it's not right.

Bonkers1966 · 19/02/2026 15:03

It's too soon. Give it one more year then review the situation. Be careful OP.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 19/02/2026 19:50

This is a zombie thread. The OP hasn't been back since late September last year.

Roxy75 · 19/02/2026 23:23

I’ve been there. I wish I could talk to me back in 2014 and stop me doing this. I sold my beautiful little home and ended up living an awful 7 years trapped with a bully. I ended up back at my parents saving for a deposit for a mortgage and working 2 jobs. Please pace yourself. I still work 2 jobs now and, although my life is happy now without him, it’s far from easy. Enjoy your time together but take baby steps. What’s meant for you won’t pass you by x

summitfever · 19/02/2026 23:36

Signing away a chunk of your hard earned house to a guy you’ve probably spent what, 150 nights with? Fuck. No.

thornbury · 20/02/2026 05:06

God no. If you split up with your current arrangement, you're secure.

I've been with DH 15 years, married 10, and he still has his name on his ex partner's house because the bank say she can't afford it on her own, despite her paying it for almost 2 decades.

category12 · 20/02/2026 06:05

He mentioned that if I wanted to proceed, he would cover the deposit for the new house (I’d still be on the mortgage and pay my share of the bills) and he would then have a stake in my current house.

Why would he have a stake in your house?!

If he wanted to protect his deposit, he could. If his money is all going into this new house, (and yours too!) what's the justification for him claiming he should have a stake in your property too?

He sounds like a chancer.