It wasn't meant to be like this! - success stories please!

[Miami123]

Just grumbling really and probably should chat gpt this. But id love to hear some success stories!

Broke up with alcoholic ex to save myself and my small kids. He met someone very quickly, sorted himself out, sober for years, got married. Im happy for him as I can completely see how he turned his life around. Theres no love there for us. But where's my happy ending? I have lots of friends, and excellent job, kids so happy, great home, good relationship with my ex though i still have the kids most of the time due to logistics but no partner. Im the only single parent in my class doing all the solo parenting. So many say how amazing i am for doing it all alone!

Dated a few men with their own issues, finally culminating in one who I loved deeply but who decided he couldnt handle me having my children take up my time. That feeling was intoxicating when we were together and its now gone. But again ive tried to take the high road and not scream that hes made a huge mistake. He will probably easily meet someone now, not like me but certainly no children. They all do. Another short lived ex changed his profile to his wife and kids, the same wife who left him for a married man yet came back when said married man didnt leave his wife. Again, we only briefly dated in between and im happy he has his family back together. But I resent that she got her happy ever after after pretty much humiliating him.

Watching my ex (children's dad) plan his wedding just made me feel miserable, only because it was meant to be me doing the right thing for the kids, and getting my happy ending at some point. Now they will be participating in the whole thing yet im just sat alone.

Im now pretty much ignored on online dating I think because of my age, but much older men swipe on me, say in their 60s/70s. I suspect they see my kind face and think she will be a great carer for them. I don't want to be a carer, I want to be in love again. I don't just want to tag onto functions with my kids whereas everyone else has a two parent set up. Or go on nights out where id love to take a partner but cant now. If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner! My exes all think im great. Its hard not to feel despondent.

I agree, very gracious

however the evidence - she is doing all the “solo parenting” in her own words plus fact his own children weren’t enough to make him sober up, but a new girlfriend was…. Would indicate he’s a dick

@fourelementary thank you, i appreciate the supportive words (and @ThatAquaRobin )

Honestly im not miserable all the time, if you met me, youd assume im really happy. I have lots of friends, a fantastic family, kids etc. Im ok with my ex and his new wife because he has made steps to change his life and everyone in turn is happier. I've only had one very serious relationship in 7 years with the one who didnt want a life with someone with kids. I've dated in between but nothing serious.

This feeling will pass I know but like @ThatAquaRobin says, sometimes you feel like its eat, sleep, work etc on repeat, and you wish you had something more. Pre my recent ex, I was happy alone, but unfortunately or fortunately, he gave me a taste of what it was like to be in a great relationship even for a bit. No shouting, just hanging out, doing fun stuff, merging families. Its just he wanted more than I could give. I don't bear any grudges. Im just having a grumble. Tmw ill be back to normal.

Fair enough.

The sad reality about dating is you can seemingly do everything ‘right’, and it still doesn’t work out. I suppose it’s like one of those life lessons you probably try and teach your kids - life isn’t fair.

There’s so much luck involved in meeting a good partner, and it probably is difficult when seemingly everyone you know is loved up. I do know from my good friends in long-term marriages and relationships that there are so many compromises, especially made by women, to keep everything ticking over. It doesn’t particularly make me covet what they have.

Maybe try and work on being ok with how things are for now, and revisiting things when your kids are older.

I think it might be area dependent. I'm pretty sure I'm the only single parent in my DD's class of 30. It's not how I expected it to be either.

@INeedNewShoes yes, im in London. Two classes, circa 20 in each. I know all the parents. All a two parent family. Well aware it's not idyllic with several but im more certainly the only single parent.

half of them probably have issues of some sort most likely and stay together for the kids. Infidelity, financial strain, tolerating each other etc. I see this in my own friendship circle yet to the world they present as the happiest of the couples. So try not to fixate on that one. These things can be smoke and mirrors just like social media is.

do you think you’re putting yourself into enough situations where you will have opportunities to meet someone? They won’t just come to you, is there a class or a hobby you could pick up or something like that?

I completely disagree with people saying lower your expectations and date older. That’s not fair, you don’t need to settle just for anyone. It just takes a bit of time that’s all.

@aperollingintotheweekend truthfully I don't do hobby stuff purely because im with my children. And I love that. I work so ideally someone at work. I go out with friends and I try and navigate it so we do something more social rather than just eating. I've met previous partners online. but even now that's changed due to the sheer numbers online now so no longer very niche.

Agree about smoke and mirrors. At school, there are many wealthy parents where the man works but the women are SAHM so I wouldn't be surprised if its also a lifestyle thing. But generally people seem happy. Im just the one doing the parties alone, pickups alone etc

I think the reason it was great with my ex was because we didnt have kids together or bills etc as didnt live together. Those are the big things which affect relationships. So effectively we were in a bubble of sorts.

I thought it would be easier now because I don't need anyone financially, I get on with all my exes, and I look ok for my age! I mentioned the kind face thing before because that's my look, its not super sexy etc, its just nice, and I swear 70 year old men think ill be their carer!

And when i said some of my friends are set in their ways, I mean in their 50s and refusing anyone who was divorced or who had kids. And expecting someone tall, handsome, rich when actually those men are very very few and far between.

How did you manage to date or have the 2 yr year relationship? Must have spent a fortune on sitters? That’s another reason maybe why best to pause on the dating… the logistics!

Hi, I have fantastic, close family so was able to see my then partner weekly. I don't use babysitters at all. Im lucky in that respect and have time to date.

@Miami123 you are getting a hard time lovely, I absolutely hear you and empathise with everything you've said 💐I've been divorced for 5 years and my ex was not a nice man, but I've done the work and am in a good place. I've dated a couple of people but distance and work/child schedules meant it wouldn't work. I've just ended a relationship and feel so sad, it's so hard when you've found happiness and have to let it go. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I love my kids, have friends and family, but would love to meet someone as you say to hold, cuddle and have fun with. Keep the faith we'll get there, another late 40s mum here!

Look: its not your fault. You don’t have expectations that are too high, you are a nice person, and you want what humans want. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing to “fix.” Its just the luck of the draw.

Yhat being said: its a numbers game. The right oerson is goong to ge hard to find as if he is loving, giving, and works hard for his living, he is either in a good relationship already or has extensive duties to his children or family already.

Oh you lucky thing!

Can’t believe the ex who basically wanted him to prioritise him over your children.

I mean…. What a twat

Did his new partner have any children when she started dating him?

Grown up kids

one who I loved deeply but who decided he couldnt handle me having my children take up my time.

Another child in an adult body who cannot get that children come first in life.
Ugh. He hasn't grown up.

You deserve better OP.

And she began dating him..,, knowing he was an alcoholic with a 1 and 3 year old children.

And 8 years later… he basically has very little to do with his children.

Just, unfathomable really

indeed.

with your track history OP, I can’t believe you haven’t signed off men for the next decade.