It wasn't meant to be like this! - success stories please!

[Miami123]

Just grumbling really and probably should chat gpt this. But id love to hear some success stories!

Broke up with alcoholic ex to save myself and my small kids. He met someone very quickly, sorted himself out, sober for years, got married. Im happy for him as I can completely see how he turned his life around. Theres no love there for us. But where's my happy ending? I have lots of friends, and excellent job, kids so happy, great home, good relationship with my ex though i still have the kids most of the time due to logistics but no partner. Im the only single parent in my class doing all the solo parenting. So many say how amazing i am for doing it all alone!

Dated a few men with their own issues, finally culminating in one who I loved deeply but who decided he couldnt handle me having my children take up my time. That feeling was intoxicating when we were together and its now gone. But again ive tried to take the high road and not scream that hes made a huge mistake. He will probably easily meet someone now, not like me but certainly no children. They all do. Another short lived ex changed his profile to his wife and kids, the same wife who left him for a married man yet came back when said married man didnt leave his wife. Again, we only briefly dated in between and im happy he has his family back together. But I resent that she got her happy ever after after pretty much humiliating him.

Watching my ex (children's dad) plan his wedding just made me feel miserable, only because it was meant to be me doing the right thing for the kids, and getting my happy ending at some point. Now they will be participating in the whole thing yet im just sat alone.

Im now pretty much ignored on online dating I think because of my age, but much older men swipe on me, say in their 60s/70s. I suspect they see my kind face and think she will be a great carer for them. I don't want to be a carer, I want to be in love again. I don't just want to tag onto functions with my kids whereas everyone else has a two parent set up. Or go on nights out where id love to take a partner but cant now. If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner! My exes all think im great. Its hard not to feel despondent.

Will he have any step children when he marries new partner?

* much older men swipe on me, say in their 60s/70s. I suspect they see my kind face*

do you not set the age criteria?

and I love that you describe “my mind face.” 😆

I feel for you OP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a partner in your life. You’ve had some bad experiences but there are men out there that want the same thing as you

Im divorced and have my DD 50% of the time. We run a 2/2/3 pattern (yes I know mumsnet hates this but it works for us) so any given week I have her between 2 and 5 nights. I met my DP 2.5 years ago (on bumble). He has kids too but they are older and much more self sufficient so he has more freedom to come and go. Mine is primary school aged so still needs me there. Plus I really value the time she and I have together

DP and I would both love a future where we wake up together every morning, but right now that’s thats just not logistically possible. I’m slowly starting to integrate him more into her life, but I wouldn’t want him there all the time until she is much older. He understands this, maybe because he also has kids, and we will get there when the time is right.

Keep faith OP, your happy ending is out there somewhere

@Mapleunicorn lovely post

I think you’re trying too hard. Men can sniff out desperation. Just go about your life and see what happens x

@Miami123 it is sadly a numbers game and the luck of the draw -

Ah OP comparison is the thief of joy and there is no better life than yours. You have standards and therefore haven’t settled for less than. You know you are a good partner with lots to give. Keep putting yourself out there with a positive attitude and high standards and you will attract the right person at the right time.
It matters not that your ex has remarried or your latest ex may find another partner. For all you know those relationships could be awful.
Focus on yourself and making your life work for you without a man - it sounds like you have a lot of good things going on for you. X

@Deliverednow so my children's dad has remarried, and im happy for them. My most recent partner is the one without kids.

I think i did set it or maybe that's a paid option. I haven't seen super active on them. I don't mind a bit older but not 60s plus

For me, this is the ideal. My ex couldn't come to terms with this so we had to end things. Its ok, we just weren't aligned. But it hurts me when I see relationships where people do compromise. One man I know has given up having kids because my friend doesn't want anymore. He desperately wants kids but loves her so much.

I don't think im coming across as too needy, I just think i come across as happy with my lot when in reality I want what I had before.

I’ve been doing this for about 15 years and am still single.

Disney sold us a lie

Compromises like this aren’t always healthy though. Yes there is give and take in a relationship, but giving up having kids when you desperately want them because your partner doesn’t isn’t a good plan in my opinion. Yes it sounds a very romantic gesture but in reality it leads to resentment and regret.

And does your children’s dad have step children?

Your children’s dad…. What a pathetic shitty dad.

Cant imagine marrying someone who barely sees his children.

Do you at least get maintenance from the crap father?

I think youre missing the point. My ex is not shitty, he tends to come once a week to visit, calls every day, has them some weekends, then most holidays he will have them say for all of the half term etc, then any holidays. I do get maintenance and the children are happy. Im not resentful of him getting married, im more resentful that I haven't met anyone myself!

The “point” I’m getting at, is that his new partner is marrying an addict who seems utterly removed from parenting his children. I pity her.

Im the only single parent in my class doing all the solo parenting (what class btw?)

I do most of the parenting

You said that you basically do all the parenting

That makes him a pretty pathetic father in my eyes 🤷‍♀️ not so in yours it would seem

My post isn't about my kid's dad though? Hes married now to his partner, I have no issues there.

I think the point is…. Your ex sounds like an utter flop as a father (and indeed when your partner) and then you went on to have a few of relationships which all had issues, and then most recently a man who couldn’t get his pea sized brain around fact you are a parent of young children.

and all this must have only been within a few years! So in your shoes, revel in being single and enjoying your children, friends and studying. Then when we can take more of a risk with who you date..,, go for it and see it as a bit of fun!

Im not saying I wanted to marry my ex, im saying I wanted to find someone myself.

Given what you have endured at the hands of boyfriends Op… I’m surprised you don’t went to leave it another decade or so!

You are coming across very glass half empty here, the pessimism is ooozing! That’s probably not going to attract this high value partner you seek.

So many people would kill for what you already have, or maybe they have the partner but the rest is a shitshow. Comparison is the thief of joy! If it’s meant to be it’ll find you but totally agree with other comments saying you need a mindset shift. And maybe a gratitude journal!

You don’t “need” to feel anything. You feel what you feel. No one should lecture you about that.