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Original poster

It wasn't meant to be like this! - success stories please!

94 replies

Miami123 · 26/09/2025 05:07

Just grumbling really and probably should chat gpt this. But id love to hear some success stories!

Broke up with alcoholic ex to save myself and my small kids. He met someone very quickly, sorted himself out, sober for years, got married. Im happy for him as I can completely see how he turned his life around. Theres no love there for us. But where's my happy ending? I have lots of friends, and excellent job, kids so happy, great home, good relationship with my ex though i still have the kids most of the time due to logistics but no partner. Im the only single parent in my class doing all the solo parenting. So many say how amazing i am for doing it all alone!

Dated a few men with their own issues, finally culminating in one who I loved deeply but who decided he couldnt handle me having my children take up my time. That feeling was intoxicating when we were together and its now gone. But again ive tried to take the high road and not scream that hes made a huge mistake. He will probably easily meet someone now, not like me but certainly no children. They all do. Another short lived ex changed his profile to his wife and kids, the same wife who left him for a married man yet came back when said married man didnt leave his wife. Again, we only briefly dated in between and im happy he has his family back together. But I resent that she got her happy ever after after pretty much humiliating him.

Watching my ex (children's dad) plan his wedding just made me feel miserable, only because it was meant to be me doing the right thing for the kids, and getting my happy ending at some point. Now they will be participating in the whole thing yet im just sat alone.

Im now pretty much ignored on online dating I think because of my age, but much older men swipe on me, say in their 60s/70s. I suspect they see my kind face and think she will be a great carer for them. I don't want to be a carer, I want to be in love again. I don't just want to tag onto functions with my kids whereas everyone else has a two parent set up. Or go on nights out where id love to take a partner but cant now. If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner! My exes all think im great. Its hard not to feel despondent.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 06:02

In the OP’s shoes, I’d be cracking open the champagne that I’m no longer with an addict who now barely sees his children; nor with the man child who can’t get his pea sized brain around the fact I have children and they’re my priority, and revelling in singleton.

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 07:20

aperollingintotheweekend · 27/09/2025 22:59

You are coming across very glass half empty here, the pessimism is ooozing! That’s probably not going to attract this high value partner you seek.

So many people would kill for what you already have, or maybe they have the partner but the rest is a shitshow. Comparison is the thief of joy! If it’s meant to be it’ll find you but totally agree with other comments saying you need a mindset shift. And maybe a gratitude journal!

@aperollingintotheweekend that's a fair point to make, I know im lucky in so many ways. I just always thought id meet someone decent, not so much wealthy as I have money, just someone decent who cares for me and understands my responsibilities.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 07:25

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 07:20

@aperollingintotheweekend that's a fair point to make, I know im lucky in so many ways. I just always thought id meet someone decent, not so much wealthy as I have money, just someone decent who cares for me and understands my responsibilities.

Show quote history

its only been a few years OP! Give it time!

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 07:27

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 07:25

its only been a few years OP! Give it time!

Show quote history

It's been 7 years.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 07:29

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 07:27

It's been 7 years.

Show quote history

And you’ve had a number of relationships in that time.

Maybe just now have a few years of enjoying no relationship?

Poisonwood · 28/09/2025 07:45

I think you’re cutting off a large amount of potential partners if you won’t even look at a man over sixty. My DH is 70 and we’ve been together years…I’ve definitely not been his carer up to now and if I am in the future I will accept that as we’ve had such a loving relationship.

I think you’ve got rose-tinted spectacles on, relationships are hard work and many women stay in soulless shams of ones just for validation - would you really want that when life is so damn short?

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 07:46

Poisonwood · 28/09/2025 07:45

I think you’re cutting off a large amount of potential partners if you won’t even look at a man over sixty. My DH is 70 and we’ve been together years…I’ve definitely not been his carer up to now and if I am in the future I will accept that as we’ve had such a loving relationship.

I think you’ve got rose-tinted spectacles on, relationships are hard work and many women stay in soulless shams of ones just for validation - would you really want that when life is so damn short?

😆

you have no idea how old the op is

and I’m guessing considerably younger than you given he has two young children and is studying

LeilaLandi · 28/09/2025 07:59

I get what you’re saying. And relate to it.

Not sure why you’re getting such a hard time over your perfectly reasonable wishes to have a lovely partner in your life too. Or why you’re being told to wait etc when it’s not as if you’re wanting to rush into something or aren’t sorted and in the right place?!

People saying it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen or won’t pass you by, well that’s not actually fact is it?! Easy to say but doubtful they’d be reassured by that if in your position after 7 years!

Hang on in there though but I think we do have to try and not wait for fate to sort it out magically!

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:14

Poisonwood · 28/09/2025 07:45

I think you’re cutting off a large amount of potential partners if you won’t even look at a man over sixty. My DH is 70 and we’ve been together years…I’ve definitely not been his carer up to now and if I am in the future I will accept that as we’ve had such a loving relationship.

I think you’ve got rose-tinted spectacles on, relationships are hard work and many women stay in soulless shams of ones just for validation - would you really want that when life is so damn short?

Hi, im not studying, I meant earlier that in my kids classes, im the only single parent. But im in my 40s. Unfortunately 60 is too old i would say. Id probably go max 55.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:23

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:14

Hi, im not studying, I meant earlier that in my kids classes, im the only single parent. But im in my 40s. Unfortunately 60 is too old i would say. Id probably go max 55.

Show quote history

You are the only single parent in your kids classes???!! No Op, you are not!

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 28/09/2025 08:31

I was sympathetic up until this point OP:

If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner!

Talk about judgemental. It comes across like you think everyone else is the problem, and you’re amazing. Maybe that’s the issue.

ThatAquaRobin · 28/09/2025 08:38

Gosh the bitchiness on this thread towards to OP is extreme.
She's mid 40s and wants a similar age partner. Not a geriatric. Which is perfectly reasonable.
So far we've had:
-Be grateful for your lot.
-Settle for an old man
jeez...

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:38

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 28/09/2025 08:31

I was sympathetic up until this point OP:

If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner!

Talk about judgemental. It comes across like you think everyone else is the problem, and you’re amazing. Maybe that’s the issue.

@HornyHornersPinkyWinky that wasn't what I meant, I have several amazing single friends who haven't dated for years purely because they have become set in their ways. All attractive, solvent etc. Separately to this but not related at all, I feel i was a good partner in my relationships but nothing worked out.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:39

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 28/09/2025 08:31

I was sympathetic up until this point OP:

If course i have single friends but they have been set in their ways for years so never really had anyone or have become so difficult that they just cant compromise. I was an excellent partner!

Talk about judgemental. It comes across like you think everyone else is the problem, and you’re amazing. Maybe that’s the issue.

Yes that was quite telling
the op thinking her friends have “become so difficult”
whereas the Op made an “excellent partner” and has a “kind face” ( 😆)

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:40

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:23

You are the only single parent in your kids classes???!! No Op, you are not!

Show quote history

@Emiliachonk we have only 15-20 kids in each class, I most certainly am the only single parent!

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:40

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:38

@HornyHornersPinkyWinky that wasn't what I meant, I have several amazing single friends who haven't dated for years purely because they have become set in their ways. All attractive, solvent etc. Separately to this but not related at all, I feel i was a good partner in my relationships but nothing worked out.

Show quote history

You said your friends have “become so difficult” and won’t “compromise”

Original poster
Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:41

You're misunderstanding my comments. That's not what I meant. But hey ho.

OP posts:
Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:41

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:40

@Emiliachonk we have only 15-20 kids in each class, I most certainly am the only single parent!

Show quote history

So out of 40 kids…. Not one of the other 39 have a single parent? Goodness, that rather bucks modern day reality

ThatAquaRobin · 28/09/2025 08:42

Miami123 · 28/09/2025 08:41

You're misunderstanding my comments. That's not what I meant. But hey ho.

Ignore the trolling OP

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:44

There’s no trolling fgs!

Sparkletastic · 28/09/2025 08:44

Men really aren’t all that. As your dating history has demonstrated. Get a nice dog instead.

ThatAquaRobin · 28/09/2025 08:45

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:44

There’s no trolling fgs!

There is. And it is you.

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:47

ThatAquaRobin · 28/09/2025 08:45

There is. And it is you.

Show quote history

How so?

all I’ve said is that in a short period of time the op has had a number of relationships and the longest of which with a self centred pea sized brain man.

she is also dealing with an addict of an ex who seems to have taken a giant leap back from any kind of involved parenting.

maybe best to revel in being single and then when kids bit older… and she can take more risks, jump right in again!

ThatAquaRobin · 28/09/2025 08:53

Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 08:47

How so?

all I’ve said is that in a short period of time the op has had a number of relationships and the longest of which with a self centred pea sized brain man.

she is also dealing with an addict of an ex who seems to have taken a giant leap back from any kind of involved parenting.

maybe best to revel in being single and then when kids bit older… and she can take more risks, jump right in again!

Show quote history

I've re-read the OPs posts and she is actually very gracious about her addicted ex and his new partner.
She's clarified that her child is in a small class where she is the only single parent. Not unexpected statistically if it's a small class group.
If you read what she has actually written, there's nothing here to pull her up upon for the 'sake of it'
She is just laying bare her despair at finding an equal partner of a similar age, in order to feel what all want, which is desire and aliveness again. I feel that too. Otherwise it's just kids, eat sleep, work, repeat.
Replies like "Be grateful for what you have" and *Consider and old man" just aren't appropriate or helpful!

fourelementary · 28/09/2025 08:54

@Miami123 It’s good you’ve recognised that there is pessimism in your outlook and you have taken on the chin several not nice comments, so you’re clearly a nice person. I would kindly suggest that you seek out some counselling to explore your values and worth- as it seems to me from what you’ve said that you seem to put a high value on your worth as a partner over worth as an individual, and this could be good to explore and unpick in a safe and supportive environment. I have only had a small period of being single in my life but during it I did a lot of work on who I am as a person when not in a relationship as I had married my “teenage sweetheart” so had never actually been a single adult and struggled a little. It was really good and positive for me to explore, and I had an an amazing wee life plan. Before meeting my now DH who scuppered those plans. lol. I appreciate my life now and love him to bits but I also know I was happy and fulfilled before him too. My time with my kids during that period is especially valued and I feel we have a bond that I don’t have with my younger two who have only known two parents around them.
Please stop eating for your happy ever after and start living it- nothing is promised for us, each day really is a gift and you are worthy for you.