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Original poster

Husband wants 50/50 custody

55 replies

doubleorquitz · 19/09/2025 21:25

Please help me. I feel so low. I am divorcing and despite being there for my children daily since birth my husband is going to fight for 50/50 custody.

I need some reassurance. I do work but it fits around the kids, I do 9 out of 10 school runs and am at home for every school holiday.

He works a sporadic routine, in various locations, leaving the country at least once a month giving me little notice of his working routine-days, rarely weeks.

Can he seriously win this financially motivated battle? (This isn’t an assumption, it’s true)

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 19/09/2025 21:26

Ask him what breakdown of 50/50 he proposes.

Bertielong3 · 19/09/2025 21:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

sixeightfive · 19/09/2025 21:50

Ask him how this will work in real life, what school runs both drop off and pick up will he be doing? That it would be his responsibility to both find and fund childcare on the days he has them in his care, you are not the default back up.

He is saying 50/50 because it means in most cases he wouldn't be expected to pay child maintenance. He is also saying this probably to hurt you as he knows how to do that. 50/50 has to be in the best interest of the children, this is not if he isn't even in the country unless he is planning to change his job. Do you honestly think he will have the children as much as he claims? My Dh would be then he has been hands on since day one, had them in his sole care whilst I have swanned off for weekends seeing my friends. This does not sound like your husband.

Seek legal advice now.

Upsetbetty · 19/09/2025 22:00

Call his bluff…say that’s no problem. Ask him which kind of rota he would like to do? 1 Week on/1week off or 5,2,2,5 etc,see what he comes up with.

CarlaLemarchant · 19/09/2025 22:03

He probably imagines that he will be able to continue with his sporadic routine and changing plans at a moments notice, taking them from you and dropping them back as it suits him. This will obviously not be the case and family court will see through it. He will need to be able to show how it will work.

millymollymoomoo · 19/09/2025 22:13

If he can demonstrate it’s possible ( which can involve childcare) its perfectly possible it will be awarded

how do you know it’s financially motivated ?

summerlovingvibes · 19/09/2025 22:19

Do not let this happen.

My friend agreed to 50/50 on her divorce. It was purely because he didn't want to pay maintenance - which he doesn't have to if 50/50 agreed.
Now, he basically has his mum do all the school runs on his day, and she'll do breakfast & dinner for them too.

My friend is a teacher and so off all school holidays. Always begging him to let her have them more in the holidays as hates the fact they are with his mum rather than her (and basically just "gaming" all the time). But he refuses as it was granted 50/50.

She's broke, has to always pay out for things like new glasses / school uniforms etc as they get lost at his. Football boots / swimming lessons etc. Everything extra like this he basically says "your choice to do swimming lessons" and won't pay a penny towards it. Only exception is school trips. Uniforms etc his stance is "they still fit last years" (trousers half way up their calves).

Do not do it. It will not work out. Much better to have full custody but with every other weekend and then 2 nights in the week that aren't his weekends.

Best of luck.

summerlovingvibes · 19/09/2025 22:22

Fight fight fight for this. Do everything in your power. On paper he may think it would work, in reality it won't.

It is much better for the children to have a "home" and then go on visits elsewhere.

The other thing you could say to him is that EVERYTHING will need duplicating. Entire copies of all clothes / toys / shoes etc as you are not sending them with bags every time it's a swap over. Hopefully he will realise that it is better for the children to have a "home". Tug on the heart strings with this - if he has any.

Prisonbreak · 19/09/2025 22:25

If he can make it work then it’s a good thing. Children should have equal access to both parents. Assuming one isn’t a complete walloper

Branleuse · 19/09/2025 22:33

Ask him if he is suddenly able to do 50/50, then why the fuck didnt he pull his weight a bit more beforehand

GeorgeA12 · 19/09/2025 22:41

Can't believe all the comments. Maybe he wants to see his children....? I have 50/50 and wouldn't want any less.

DorothyStorm · 20/09/2025 09:36

GeorgeA12 · 19/09/2025 22:41

Can't believe all the comments. Maybe he wants to see his children....? I have 50/50 and wouldn't want any less.

Because he was a shit dad before the separation. Why does he suddenly want to parent 50/50 when it wasnt even 80/20 previously?

DorothyStorm · 20/09/2025 09:37

summerlovingvibes · 19/09/2025 22:22

Fight fight fight for this. Do everything in your power. On paper he may think it would work, in reality it won't.

It is much better for the children to have a "home" and then go on visits elsewhere.

The other thing you could say to him is that EVERYTHING will need duplicating. Entire copies of all clothes / toys / shoes etc as you are not sending them with bags every time it's a swap over. Hopefully he will realise that it is better for the children to have a "home". Tug on the heart strings with this - if he has any.

And also any clubs need to be 50/50 and honoured and any trips 50/50 etc.

FuzzyWolf · 20/09/2025 09:44

You need to discuss what his plans for 50/50 involve. He will need to arrange childcare for his 50% and be the one that pays for it. Your children will probably benefit from equal access to their parents.

Go into it with an open mind of how you can make it work but remember that you don’t have to agree to be helpful to him and accept changes that are disruptive or inconvenient at the last minute.

stayathomer · 20/09/2025 09:50

GeorgeA12
Can't believe all the comments. Maybe he wants to see his children....? I have 50/50 and wouldn't want any less.

Im on the fence George, great if he really wants them (outside of/ as well as the financial situation), and yes they’re his kids too, but it’s been proven to death that women do most of the little extras that give kids a home, if one of the kids were to forget something from school, it’s the woman that will try to get it in, it’s the women that plan the hobbies, the play dates, the parties, that read at night and do the showers/ baths/ help with the toothbrushing, that cook the dinner, clean the house etc etc. Then for a man to get 50/59 you have to assume that he’s either suddenly doing things he didn’t before or he’s not and the kids is literally as someone said before collected by mil, put in front of tv while dad works.

Im on the fence because this is a generalisation but also very real for most. Dh and I both work, because he earns substantially more if we can’t find childcare there’s just a shrug, like a you’ll work it out somehow. If we split I’d guess he’d just transfer everything to his mum (or horrifically just get a gf/ wife !!!)

youalright · 20/09/2025 09:56

You need to come up with an arrangement that suits you both realistically and amicably as if you go to court he will get 50/50

BeeCucumber · 20/09/2025 10:01

He only wants 50/50 to avoid child maintenance. I doubt that he has thought this through. Propose one week on and one week off with your DC and await his reply.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 20/09/2025 10:01

DorothyStorm · 20/09/2025 09:36

Because he was a shit dad before the separation. Why does he suddenly want to parent 50/50 when it wasnt even 80/20 previously?

Show quote history

My ex was a shit Dad before separation and actually really stepped up post divorce and taught them all cooking and spends ages helping with homework. We do 50/50. It does happen.

Merseymum1980 · 20/09/2025 10:14

Upsetbetty · 19/09/2025 22:00

Call his bluff…say that’s no problem. Ask him which kind of rota he would like to do? 1 Week on/1week off or 5,2,2,5 etc,see what he comes up with.

That's a brilliant idea, that would shut him up ha

Merseymum1980 · 20/09/2025 10:16

Prisonbreak · 19/09/2025 22:25

If he can make it work then it’s a good thing. Children should have equal access to both parents. Assuming one isn’t a complete walloper

Won't be a good thing if he farms the children off whilst he is working over seas etc when they have a perfectly stable home and situation

ChilliMum · 20/09/2025 10:17

Tiredofwhataboutery · 20/09/2025 10:01

My ex was a shit Dad before separation and actually really stepped up post divorce and taught them all cooking and spends ages helping with homework. We do 50/50. It does happen.

Show quote history

This was my expérience too. Honestly I agreed to 50/50 thinking it would go to shit but he really stepped up. I absolutely hate not having my child 100%, but seeing how much my dc has benefitted from having an active and engaged father, I wouldn't change a thing now.

Merseymum1980 · 20/09/2025 10:18

GeorgeA12 · 19/09/2025 22:41

Can't believe all the comments. Maybe he wants to see his children....? I have 50/50 and wouldn't want any less.

He is overseas half of the time, that is not fair on the children, if he genuinely cared for his children he wouldn't want to do that. He would do what is best for them

Girlof6 · 20/09/2025 10:40

He would need to prove it’s doable for him and also that’s it’s in the best interests of the children to do that. Is there a reason you don’t want 50/50?

hungrypanda4 · 20/09/2025 10:50

summerlovingvibes · 19/09/2025 22:22

Fight fight fight for this. Do everything in your power. On paper he may think it would work, in reality it won't.

It is much better for the children to have a "home" and then go on visits elsewhere.

The other thing you could say to him is that EVERYTHING will need duplicating. Entire copies of all clothes / toys / shoes etc as you are not sending them with bags every time it's a swap over. Hopefully he will realise that it is better for the children to have a "home". Tug on the heart strings with this - if he has any.

With that reasoning then he could be the default parent and OP sees them every other weekend

summerlovingvibes · 20/09/2025 10:54

@hungrypanda4 clearly not when OP does 9 out of 10 school drops, works around the children so she can drop & pick up AND has them all school holidays. Very clearly she is the default parent and anyone in their sane mind can see that.