When did you know if you saw a long term future with someone?

[johnny2024]

I've been dating someone for 2 months. She's lovely and at the moment it's going well. We're not seeing other people and generally it's a pleasure to date her.

But I don't really know what my feelings are on the long term yet. And it's making me extremely anxious. I've always been an anxious guy with relationships. But the thought of never dating anyone else feels quite overwhelming right now.

She doesn't really talk about the future. She's very easy going doesn't think too far ahead. I think. Any future discussions, what she wants, what she hopes for etc, have all come from me. And it's always been pretty vague answers.

I know there's always some uncertainty in dating. But I feel like the entire direction of this relationship is being directed by me. And she just does whatever I want. Which feels like quite a lot of pressure.

Plus added on that I don't really know where I'll be living next year etc. Kinda worrying me

I don't really want it to end right now. But I'm still not sure of the future with her and feel I should know by now?

You’ve posted 4 times in 2 days asking the same questions. Just end it.

Two months is nothing really, and it depends on how often, and the total amount time wise, that you have seen each other in that time.
A couple of times a week wouldn’t be enough time to know by in a 2 month period.
You don’t say how old you both are but why are you even wondering if it’s ‘forever’ and being anxious of never dating anyone else at this stage? Relax a bit and don’t give it too much head space.

I'm 28. She's mid 30s. Seen eachother maybe once or twice a week in that time. The odd full weekend together too.

I'm just generally quite anxious about relationships. I feel I should know and scared of what happens if it ends

Really?!

yeah then op, what she said. It’s supposed to be fun, and this obviously isn’t.

It's not coz of her. It's me in general. I find dating very tough because of all the anxiety around teh future and breakups

How many times 🙄 I'm sure you are on the wind up.

I' just anxious! and this is a different post about a different topic

Same shit different post.

If it puts pressure on you when someone is saying that they are still open to what might happen in the relationship at only two months in, then this is all about your anxiety, and not what she is doing. You say the relationship feels like it’s all being directed by you and that she’s not saying anything, but that may be because in her head it’s still very early days and she doesn’t know you well enough to be able to tell you if she sees a future with you, You are pushing for answers she doesn’t yet have because your thoughts are being controlled by anxiety. That is what you need to address.

When I couldn't imagine us breaking up.

But i guess when does that happen? Because I want to detach a little bit until I'm pretty certain there's a future. And i don't like talking about things down the road if it coudl end

With the kindest intentions OP, get yourself the fuck to the GP and address your anxiety.

It's been weeks.

weeks of what?

and i take citalopram already

Sack the therapist

Well it's not working.

Were the 80 replies on the identical thread you started at breakfast time not enough for you, OP?

Just be single, OP. For a long time. Work on yourself. It's neither this unfortunate woman nor the internet's responsibility to sort out your MH.

I didn’t start one at breakfast time? I don’t think?

8.21 this morning

I’m just asking to talk about it with people. I’m not trying to be a douche. Please stop acting like I am.

Struggling with the thought of long term commitment to her?

You know? I’ve said

You're posting time and again about this, OP, you need to get a grip, seriously.

If I were her I'd be terrified of this obsession with where it's all going. You barely know each other!

I think you need to step away from any relationships and get some therapy. You need to work on yourself before you’re ready to share your life with anyone else.

To answer your question though, with my husband of 17 years, I realised about 6 months into dating that I wanted a serious long term relationship with him. It isn’t something magic you just know. It takes getting to know each other and figuring out how you fit into each other’s lives first.

She’s the one who talks about future plans and doing things with me down the road all the time.

I tell her it makes me worry. But that makes her feel bad. So I don’t know.