Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

GF worried about getting pregnant because of what her family will think

70 replies

DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:16

Me and my GF have been together for over two years, We decided to move in together at the start of the year and we have a mortgage, we both have steady jobs and we aint struggling financially. My GF grew up very strict, she was never allowed out when she was younger in which now she doesnt have any friends, she was never allowed any BFs (im the first man shes been with) and her family was worried about her getting pregnant. Me and her decided to move in together because she didnt want to be living in that enviorment anymore and since then we have had more freedom because previously we wasnt even allowed to spend the night together or go on holiday together because her parents wouldnt allow it. Since we have moved in together we have been on a few holidays and it was her first time on an aeroplane. She is 25 while im 27 so I think its a good age to start trying for a baby, she also really wants kids and wants to try next year but she is really worried about what her family will think and she knows all hell will break lose. She is also worrying about when we have a baby what will happen at events like getting our baby baptized, she is also worrying about things like finding a god mother because she doesnt have any friends. She is actually very chatty and bubbly but she says making friends her age is very hard and she works in an enviorment where its mostly older women.

But then if she does get pregnant then the last thing she needs is all that stress and hate coming from her family. I know she can just "block" them completly but then it will still be on the back of her mind.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/09/2025 13:19

Why is she so concerned about what they think? Anyway she does sound overly anxious, would she see a counsellor to help her process her worries?

PinkiOcelot · 14/09/2025 13:21

Are you thinking about getting married? Not that it should matter, but would that appease her family at all?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 14/09/2025 13:22

Call me old fashioned but why don't you marry her?

Dery · 14/09/2025 13:30

What’s the rush to have children? Your relationship is still relatively new and you’re pretty young. If you feel like this is a lifetime commitment for you, then marriage or a civil partnership (if you’re in the UK) seems like the natural next step. Her parents would be reassured by that, no doubt.

Also, pregnancy obviously but also parenthood tend to have a bigger impact on the woman. You should be going at her pace, not yours. Sounds like she needs to live a bit before having the responsibility of motherhood.

Jk987 · 14/09/2025 13:31

She’s had such a sheltered and strict upbringing that I think she needs to live a little before having a child. Having no friends at 25 is really sad. She needs more people in her life, it’s unhealthy to rely on a partner for everything.

Zanatdy · 14/09/2025 13:31

2yrs isn’t all that long, why the rush? Maybe marriage first would be better?

SirHumphreyRocks · 14/09/2025 13:36

Jk987 · 14/09/2025 13:31

She’s had such a sheltered and strict upbringing that I think she needs to live a little before having a child. Having no friends at 25 is really sad. She needs more people in her life, it’s unhealthy to rely on a partner for everything.

I agree with this. But also you should be marrying her before you start thinking about children. Not for the morality of the situation, but because if you care about her and any children you have together, you would want to ensure that they have the legal protections offered by marriage.

Libertylawn · 14/09/2025 13:37

Marry her then.

Original poster
DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:37

@Zanatdy I would marry her but then im just not a fan of paying thousands for a big wedding, A man I work with had to pay 10 grand the other day for his wedding and thats not including the honeymoon. He also has kids so they had kids before getting married.

And then if you dont spend that much on a wedding people will think your being "cheap" or you must not love her much.

But I do think there are benefits to marrige and we both have agree'd that we will do it eventually

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/09/2025 13:39

Agree with PPs that there's no particular rush yet. She's already had a controlling family, she needs to choose her own pace now.

Also if you're expecting her to be financially dependent on you after having children (eg maternity leave, part-time work) then you and she should have a proper look into the legal benefits of marrying.

KateMiskin · 14/09/2025 13:39

She would be foolish to have children before marriage and that's what I shall be advising my daughter.

newyearsresolurion · 14/09/2025 13:40

2 years ... there's no rush in having kids. 25....fairly young still no rush. You don't need to spend thousands on a wedding . Start with proposing to get married first maybe

Original poster
DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:41

@Dery but we both want three kids and they say its best to have kids while young, Im also not that young and as you get older you are more likely to develop health problems so I dont want to pass away suddenly in my 40s and not see my kids grow

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 14/09/2025 13:41

She shouldn’t have children with you without being married. That’s not a moral judgement, it’s common sense legally.

Original poster
DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:43

@KateMiskin I have been thinking about marriage and she does meet my requirements on what I want in a woman to marry.

So..I guess your right maybe it would be a good decision

OP posts:
KateMiskin · 14/09/2025 13:43

DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:41

@Dery but we both want three kids and they say its best to have kids while young, Im also not that young and as you get older you are more likely to develop health problems so I dont want to pass away suddenly in my 40s and not see my kids grow

You are 27 but not " that young"? And already thinking about death?

Original poster
DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:44

@Libertylawn but then most couples I know with kids are not married or got married after having kids.

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 14/09/2025 13:44

DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:44

@Libertylawn but then most couples I know with kids are not married or got married after having kids.

Well they are daft.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/09/2025 13:45

Don't get confused with getting married and having a wedding.

You can book a registry wedding with 29 ? days notice, it does not cost 10,000.

So if you are thinking about getting married one day, why not do it before babies as you are less likely to afford it when the babies arrive. babies are expensive just like childcare.

Personally tho I think she is too young and inexperienced to even consider children in the next couple of years.

Original poster
DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:47

@KateMiskin well all the time I hear stories of someone randomly dropping dead, A guy I worked with who was in his late 40s had a brain aneurysm while lifiting weights and although he didnt die but he can no longer work. He also had kids late and his oldest is only 9.

I do have life insurance and income protection but then I worry about randomly dying and then the life insurance policy doesnt pay out my GF.

OP posts:
KateMiskin · 14/09/2025 13:49

If you are so worried about randomly dying you should marry your GF so she has legal protection.
You don't sound ready to have kids and neither does she.
Aging at 27! Good god.

ladybirdsanchez · 14/09/2025 13:49

A wedding doesn't have to cost a fortune OP. You can have a registry office wedding with one witness, if you want to, or you can have a small affair with a pub lunch afterwards. A wedding is a legal ceremony, that's it. All the other stuff - outfits, church, reception, food, flowers, cars, honeymoon - all that is unnecessary if you don't want it and/or can't afford it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/09/2025 13:50

Woman in her 20s with no friends- I’d be focusing on that than isolating even more by having a baby.

Mumof1andacat · 14/09/2025 13:51

"Meet your requirements" thought people married each other for love and commitment....

IdaGlossop · 14/09/2025 13:51

DeftNavyTiger · 14/09/2025 13:43

@KateMiskin I have been thinking about marriage and she does meet my requirements on what I want in a woman to marry.

So..I guess your right maybe it would be a good decision

Your girlfriend sounds quite passive and rather isolated, OP. Your relationship, whether married or not, has a greater chance of success if she has a clear sense of her own identity. Moving straight from her parents' home to living with you, she hasn't really had the chance to grow up. Would she consider doing things by herself to help her develop her confidence - sport, music, volunteering, something through church? Having children now would not help her become more independent but would tie her further to the domestic environment.

On weddings, BTW, you could get married in a register office and ask two strangers to be witnesses. Very cheap! Or a small ceremony in church, hired dress, and a meal in a pub for a dozen people.