Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t know what to do about DH drinking

81 replies

Help1234567891 · 13/09/2025 23:06

Feeling at the end of my tether. My DH has just gone to bed saying he’s not coming to a family christening tomorrow because he ‘hates that bunch of cunts’ (my family). I didn’t want him to sleep in our bed because several times in the last few months he has wet the bed after heavily drinking. I pointed out that this argument started because I asked him to stop drinking - I had put a bottle of wine away. He then said ‘Shall I tell you to stop eating?’ I have put on weight since having our DD, he has made nasty comments about it several times before and knows how much it upsets me.

We are going through secondary infertility and treatment which is causing a lot of stress for both of us. But I don’t know if I can take this behaviour much more. He doesn’t even apologise of his own accord afterwards, I have to drag it out of him.

OP posts:
curious79 · 14/09/2025 12:39

Uncomfortable as this may sound, you won’t necessarily get to take your DD away from him. My ex was regularly drunk in charge of my DD and it wasn’t until about five years after we divorced that he had a massive mental breakdown that finally social services change their tune about visits

AltitudeCheck · 14/09/2025 12:43

Help1234567891 · 13/09/2025 23:45

I feel like I sound so weak. I’ve given ultimatums before about not putting me down about my weight, not wetting the bed, but inevitably it happens again.

It's not an ultimatum if you don't follow through with a consequence, it's just showing him that he can continue to treat you like this and nothing will come of it. There's another thread on here with a woman with a husband who's nasty after a drink, yours sounds just as bad. Do not bring another baby into this mess, you are trapping yourself, get yourself and your existing child out of there.

Catpiece · 14/09/2025 12:49

Help1234567891 · 13/09/2025 23:55

Obviously I’ve only heard his version but I know his ex is a difficult person from experience. He would say she was controlling.

Show quote history

Ie she asked him not to get so pissed he wet the bed

GimmieABreakOr3 · 15/09/2025 20:05

FiveShelties · 14/09/2025 00:20

This is one of those threads I just hope is a wind up. The thought of having a baby with a man who wets the bed after drinking too much is just awful.

Sadly, I agree.

Lookingforhomesolutions · 21/10/2025 08:51

Any update OP?

Coccinelle2 · 23/12/2025 04:37

Anyahyacinth · 14/09/2025 00:24

There are serious risks to the baby too if he really is drinking to incontinence levels
:
"Evidence suggests that paternal alcoholism and alcohol consumption before conception can increase the risk of birth defects and other poor health outcomes in offspring, including heart defects, facial abnormalities, growth restrictions, and cognitive and behavioral issues. This risk is believed to be linked to epigenetic changes in the father's sperm caused by alcohol's effects on the body, which can influence fetal development."
Really sorry you are going through this

Yes - despite research showing this, it is widely unappreciated how damaging a father's drinking is to their unborn children.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page