What to tell my DM?

[CVVFan]

I’ve gone NC with my sister. My life has improved since then, so i have zero intention to get back in touch with her .

However it’s a known thing that her husband is violent towards her and their child. This has been the case since they got together so no surprises there.

However, as human being I think my DM should support my sister better, but I really don’t know what to advice.

Exactly because of that I don’t get involved. My children need me sane not having mental breakdowns and getting the screaming nightmares I get.

Why does reporting this involve that?

Because I’m sure then my mother will call and tell me all sorts of things.

my mother is my last remaining member of my family that I’m in contact with, and would like to keep her.

and just not knowing if my sister would decide to show up because I got involved would make me be on edge.

so the answer is nope!

Not sure I could look my mother in the face knowing her complete failure to do anything about an abused child and woman.

In fact, I couldn’t look at her and she wouldn’t be around my children. Ever.

Well she didn’t protect us at all but she’s our mother so….

it ain’t easy but she was subject to even worse abuse, so I don’t justify her but I know she still did her best.

So your mother stood by and watched her own children abused

good heavens op. And you have a relationship with this woman? You allow her to see your children?

Yes, because she was subject to MUCH worse so it’s ok. She genuinely was the best mother she could be given the circumstances

Many, many people abused as children say - as adults - this stops here, with me. And they act. Often having to do much harder things than reporting and possibly losing contact with their mother.

The fact that you are comparing levels of abuse to say “well it wasn’t as bad as x, so that’s OK” suggests that you have very little understanding of how trauma in childhood actually affects people, despite being in therapy. You’ve got your own experience, but you don’t see any further than that, and show little self-insight.

Meanwhile the abuse is repeated for the next generation.

Well good for them I guess. Again, my mental
stability (and thus that of my children) are my priority. My sister and her child are not.

It’s never easy, but your total lack of any sense of responsibility to do what you can, your total lack of concern for a child you know is being abused, is chilling. You haven’t struggled with this in your posts, simply dismissed it.

It also doesn’t bode well for your parenting of your own children. I don’t say that as a dig at you, but because your lack of empathy and any sense of true concern is genuinely worrying.

Yeah I genuinely have zero empathy in general, that’s just who I am. It’s currently being investigated, likely to be autism related.

That is very concerning, but fits with my finding your responses here chilling.

However, as you're aware then you can choose to act, regardless of not feeling empathy.

Many autistic women feel intense empathy, but obviously it varies. Your lack of empathy could also be from childhood abuse.

And so the cycle continues.

Could be, I think it’s linked, so I’m trying to get some answers. In the meantime my MH is my priority.

I'm only on page 1 OP but it all sounds very garbled so can't really understand what you are getting at.

I'm sure you can google something about Swiss child rights in English. Maybe with links, though Switzerland has 4 languages. French, German, Italian and Romanche (sp?). I don't know how to help you really.

Maybe this can be of help?

Reunite | International Child Abduction Centre | Child Abduction Charity

You can’t make your mother do something about this situation. But you do have the power to report it yourself. I find it inconceivable that anyone would know a child was likely being abused and would do nothing.

I know plenty of people, my DH included said it’s a dumb idea as obviously we have zero evidence it’s just based on my “observations “ from a few years ago.

Huge amount of back peddling and justification there OP. You said it was a known thing and had been since they got together. But you’ve done nothing. Shocking

I know for certain there has verbal abuse, and even then I haven’t witnessed it, but that’s kind of by the by. The physical abuse is my assumption from the “duck and cover” behaviour I saw in this kid .

Your first post says it’s a “known thing” that he’s violent to her and the child.

Yes, it’s a known that he’s verbally violent as she openly talks about it.

but I haven’t witnessed it and the physical abuse is a suspicion, for that one I genuinely have zero evidence beyond a very specific behaviour

But you know he’s verbally abusing her and the child and yet do nothing??

You talk about it like if anybody would really get involved. I had a one tumor violence event here and in the end beyond one charity calling nothing else happened.

and yes I won’t actively do anything, I prefer to not get involved and I’ve told my mother to never tell me about my sister again to me she’s like she doesn’t exist anymore.

this is the last time I’ll post here, not good for my MH

That's bog standard Hague Convention, it's the same for everyone, in a happy relationship or not. You are not supposed to take a child abroad without the consent of the other person with parental rights.

Me too.

I have read the thread and the op almost comes across as robotic

but I am on another of the OP’s threads too - and I think this is an OP with a lot of issues, who can’t see the wood for the trees, very unhappy but ND is holding her back from an decisive action

However it’s a known thing that her husband is violent towards her and their child. This has been the case since they got together so no surprises there.