Hi
please be gentle with me I’m currently alone in an airport trying to get home and feeling broken.
I went to my home country for the weekend on my own and whilst there I was staying with my lifelong BFF. We had a falling out last year that was life altering and we’ve been rebuilding and are so much better. Last night we went for dinner and drinks, she said she has never seen me so drunk: I remember that I was drunk but it’s patchy in places. we started arguing and I became belligerent and a nightmare. I feel nothing but remorse. We ended up having a physical fight and both of us have black eyes now. It’s shocking. (This is not normal for either of us)
here is the really awful bit. I stormed out of her house bc we wouldn’t stay there and got in a cab went looking for a hotel. When I got there the hotel door was closed and I was fairly hysterical and had a bloody face etc. some nice young guys helped me and said you won’t find a hotel they will all be full they did check for me and instead said come back to ours. I did think this was genuine.
i ended up going out with them for more drinks and I hooked up with one of them. I’m married and have two kids again this is out of character and I feel like I’m going to die even writing this down.
long story short we had sex and he removed the condom which I maybe said was ok 🤮 but the worst part is he came inside me without my consent. I was horrified.
I left this morning and went to get the morning after pill with a black eye. I then booked into a hotel so I could shower and I’ve been alone with this all day. I’m about to get on a plane to come home to my lovely family and I feel like the worst person ever.
I guess I’m waiting needing if this was rape? Was I capable of consenting? And what do I do next? I am scared to tell my husband of course and I feel like I need to put it in a box and erase it but that’s not that easy. I just needed to get it out of my head.