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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband never shuts up.

65 replies

Newname25 · 07/09/2025 14:49

OH has ADHD and literally never stops talking. He's even noisy whe he sleeps as he snores. It's really starting to grate on me as he ignores all cues and just drones on and on.

As I've gotten older I realise that while I'm very sociable I also crave peace and quiet and down time. It's so hard to get it in my house though with him, amd 2 teenagers (one with ADHD too).

Can anyone relate to this?

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 07/09/2025 14:53

What happens if you point out that he needs to be quiet for a while?

JillyGiraffe · 07/09/2025 14:56

Did you like this about him when you married him..?

dodobedo · 07/09/2025 14:57

Sorry if I'm stating the obvious but have you had a conversation with him about this?

ElectricMagpie · 07/09/2025 15:04

My husband is exactly like this - he loves to comb the Internet to info dump endless TV/film trivia on me, and as a result I've learned a lot about it. The downside though is that I can't give it my full attention and so rarely have a further contribution to make, so my top response can only ever be "uh huh"

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/09/2025 15:07

Hasn't he always been like this? I mean, you've been together a long time and have teenagers..

Rockdaylia44 · 07/09/2025 15:10

What's adhd

Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:25

Blueuggboots · 07/09/2025 14:53

What happens if you point out that he needs to be quiet for a while?

He gets really defensive and says that I'm vacuous and never want to talk. My job is very emotionally intensive though and his isn't so often I do want/need downtime

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:27

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/09/2025 15:07

Hasn't he always been like this? I mean, you've been together a long time and have teenagers..

Yes I think he possibly has but as I've gotten older my tolerance has dwindled

OP posts:
Gowlett · 07/09/2025 15:28

My mum is like this. She just talks in general.
Not about anything, in a conversational way.
My granny was the same, and my aunties.
The men always sat in a different room, or the pub!

Blueuggboots · 07/09/2025 15:28

Well that’s bloody rude isn’t it? You’re vacuous because you don’t want to talk all the time? Wow. I’d be having a serious discussion with him.

Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:30

JillyGiraffe · 07/09/2025 14:56

Did you like this about him when you married him..?

I cant remember it bothering me that much
Its definitely become more of an issue in the last 5-6 years

OP posts:
Gowlett · 07/09/2025 15:31

Rockdaylia44 · 07/09/2025 15:10

What's adhd

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:31

dodobedo · 07/09/2025 14:57

Sorry if I'm stating the obvious but have you had a conversation with him about this?

Yes I have and have told him I need to chill and have quiet time. He goes away and comes back 10 minutes later

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/09/2025 15:32

Noise cancelling headphones.

And possibly for him too.

Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:32

ElectricMagpie · 07/09/2025 15:04

My husband is exactly like this - he loves to comb the Internet to info dump endless TV/film trivia on me, and as a result I've learned a lot about it. The downside though is that I can't give it my full attention and so rarely have a further contribution to make, so my top response can only ever be "uh huh"

I just find it so exhausting. Its like he picks a topic snd talks at me

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 07/09/2025 15:33

I can relate to this. But I tell him. Sometimes I’m blunt and border on rude and say ‘Seriously you have not stopped talking’. Sometimes I even time him. From our house to the city centre it’s about 35 mins drive, sometimes in all that time he doesn’t stop, I don’t even answer or nod or say anything. I just shut my eyes and think of something else.

Most of the time, I just interrupt and say ‘sorry I’m right in the middle of something’.

Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:33

Gowlett · 07/09/2025 15:28

My mum is like this. She just talks in general.
Not about anything, in a conversational way.
My granny was the same, and my aunties.
The men always sat in a different room, or the pub!

Lol at the men! His mother is the same except she starts a conversation mid sentence and talks in riddles. But its non stop

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:34

Blueuggboots · 07/09/2025 15:28

Well that’s bloody rude isn’t it? You’re vacuous because you don’t want to talk all the time? Wow. I’d be having a serious discussion with him.

I have chatted and explained I need downtime. He claims to understand and then ignores it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:35

Moveoverdarlin · 07/09/2025 15:33

I can relate to this. But I tell him. Sometimes I’m blunt and border on rude and say ‘Seriously you have not stopped talking’. Sometimes I even time him. From our house to the city centre it’s about 35 mins drive, sometimes in all that time he doesn’t stop, I don’t even answer or nod or say anything. I just shut my eyes and think of something else.

Most of the time, I just interrupt and say ‘sorry I’m right in the middle of something’.

Its exhausting isn't it!

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 07/09/2025 16:19

Newname25 · 07/09/2025 15:31

Yes I have and have told him I need to chill and have quiet time. He goes away and comes back 10 minutes later

Show quote history

You need to tell him what you need from him.

"I need an hour to myself, go and find something else to do"

"I need to wake up properly, give me half an hour to drink my coffee in quiet"

That sort of thing.

Really he shouldn't be using you as his sounding board all the time, you're not there fo his entertainment.

Does he have any hobbies or can you encourage him to take up hobbies outside the house eg running, hiking, camping, football.etc

As for being vacuous, one, that's rude and two, does he really expect you to conversate on every single interest he has and everything he says?
It doesn't sound like you're actually getting to talk through, it's not a conversation, it's a broadcast.

Owly11 · 07/09/2025 16:23

If he calls you vacuous that’s not ok. That sounds more to do with being an asshole than having ADHD.

Lafufufu · 07/09/2025 16:29

Unpopular opinion???

you basically say he has always been like this so he hasn't changed... you have.

If this has been going on "unchallenged" its going to be hard to change now....

Indicateyourintentions · 07/09/2025 16:29

You need to be a LOT more specific than chill time. ‘When I come in from work I don’t want you to talk to me for 1 hour. Not a word.’
When I am gardening I don’t want you to talk to me at all.
When I am cooking, reading, watching telly etc, etc. Be specific. He doesn’t get it.
My peak experience was ‘I will give you £5.00 if you will stop talking for 10 minutes so I can fall asleep.’ He didn’t.

Rorys · 07/09/2025 16:29

My dh and brother and my sister all have adhd. They all talk a fair amount, I don’t mind mostly but If I’m with any of them and I ask for some quiet they don’t call me names, and they do their best to give me peace. They might forget for a second but then quickly say oh sorry, and leave me alone again. Your issue is that your dh is rude.

ForTipsyFinch · 07/09/2025 16:30

I don’t think all this is linked to ADHD. He’s overstepping boundaries and not allowing you the time to yourself, calling you vacuous if you’re unwilling to fulfill his desire of talking at you…because I’m assuming this is what he does? Doesn’t sound like a mutual exchange of ideas is happening.

I genuinely couldn’t put up with this, but I’m long term single and have lived alone for 7 years I have zero tolerance, hence why I live peacefully alone 🤣