Husband never shuts up.

[Newname25]

OH has ADHD and literally never stops talking. He's even noisy whe he sleeps as he snores. It's really starting to grate on me as he ignores all cues and just drones on and on.

As I've gotten older I realise that while I'm very sociable I also crave peace and quiet and down time. It's so hard to get it in my house though with him, amd 2 teenagers (one with ADHD too).

Can anyone relate to this?

Oof my husband can be like this - not quite as bad I don’t think. Also we both suspect ND though no diagnosis.

I’ve noticed with him he gets in kind of a loop, particularly if it’s something he’s ruminating on or worrying about, and he’ll go round and round on it. I used to earnestly engage and try to respond, now I just kind of zone out and say ‘yep, mmhhm, you’re right, sure’. To be fair to him he does (eventually) pick up on this and catch himself and will say ‘I’m sorry im going on’ - again I’ve noticed that I have to be ruthless here and say ‘yes you are, I’m going to go back to reading this now’. Because any sign of weakness or ‘it’s ok, I get you’re worried but I need ….’ will result in him immediately restarting the whole bloody loop from the top.

I’ll also say things like ‘right, I’m pressing pause, you’ve got 10 minutes on this, then we’re watching the rest of the episode in silence’ or ‘I need to not talk for a bit, I’m going to sit in the garden and read, I’ll come find you when I’m ready to chat’.

Another thing is he’ll say something or ask a question and if I don’t reply within a split second it’s ‘babe, BABE, I’m asking you a question’ - sometimes I’m genuinely in the process of forming my first word of the reply and he’s already demanding a response - sometimes it takes me a second to process it and think about what I want to say! Drives me mad. I’ve had to start putting a finger up as if it say ‘I’ve heard you and am formulating a reply’ - to be clear I don’t leave huge pauses, nobody else in my life has an issue with my response rate.

I’ve definitely noticed my need for silence and alone time has drastically increased since having DC. But my previous job before that was really full on, loud, intense and his was not. So I’d come home and just absolutely need peace and for nobody to talk to me for half an hour, and he’d want to download every little thing that happened that day. My job is much more solitary and peaceful these days, and his has actually got a bit more sociable - so the clash is not as

I’ve also noticed him trying to start chatting away when I’m literally in the middle of e.g. helping DD with her reading, a torturous process at best. Yesterday he was doing it shouting in from the kitchen remarks to both me and her, she actually said ‘STOP TALKING TILL IVE DONE MY BOOK DADDY’.

I can relate to this. I find car journeys the worst, he talks none stop from leaving home to reaching our destination. I’ve started to pretend to fall asleep, if no one else is in the car he’s stops talking

I have a family member like this. It’s impossible to end a conversation and it feels as my head is imploding sometimes. I’ve also got another family member I will never ask a question to because they starting talking at me for ages and ignore all the changing the conversation cues then going down random paths of thought and never getting to the point. It’s not really a conversation though, they are dumping their thoughts on you,

My sister had a boyfriend with ADHD who just could not stop talking. His mother said that when he was young, he would talk so much he would sometimes run out of oxygen and fall unconscious!

The relationship did not last long...

My dad uses to lecture at us kids and he would drone on and on. I realised I married a man with the similar tendencies. Can’t get away from it.

I crave the peace and quiet out in the country and just birds to listen to or a lovely little seaside cottage with the sound of the ocean outside.

(That’s where I disappear in my head when all the noise is going on).

My OH delivers what feels like Ted talks on his specialist subjects. Sometimes when a familiar one appears to be gearing up ... again ... I'll suggest putting the kettle on, suddenly need a poo, or appear to be joining in but redirecting the conversation onto something that shortcircuits the familiar delivery.

Can you get any private space away? Him downstairs, you in the bedroom for example? Or suggesting to put on a film? Could you take a long bath?
I need my peace and alone time to feel recharged. I had an ex who was on the go all the time. I ended up taking a book to a coffee shop to get an hour to read in peace!

Noise cancelling headphones, stick them on and ignore him or even earplugs 😊

my DH can be a bit like this, I have to be very blunt with him and tell him to leave me be for an hour so I can have peace 🤣

I hate “talking” for the sake of it and one of the best things about DP is that he doesn’t mind me being silent and scrolling my phone checking MN and watching shit reels.

If this is affecting your mental health, can you suggest a room in the house that only you can go to (for peace and quiet) and he’s not allowed to follow you in there? Is this feasible?

let not blame hormones or adhd -he called her vacous because she told him she wanted some quiet

hes just an arsehole

I'd be really annoyed at someone using an insult about me while being too ignorant to understand what the word actually meant. I mean, someone in your household is clearly vacuous - but it's the person drivelling on and on about meaningless things, not the one desperately trying to get some peace.

Buy him a dictionary and suggest he spends some time quietly reading it and improving his vocabulary before he throws any more insults that only serve to make him look stupid.

I'm a talker, especially if I've been myself all day & my husband comes in from work. He talks all day at work & loves the silence on the drive home. Sometimes I pick him up & he will tell me he's all talked out. I like to put on some music for distraction. Other times he will be specific eg leave me be until after dinner. He loves me but sometimes I'm intense. It's not a personal attack & your husband needs to realise that. I find it helps to be specific about times eg give me an hour to myself then I'm happy to chat

Just say, 'DH, I need some quiet time. I love that you are enthusiastic about things and share them but I need way more head space to think my own thoughts than I am getting these days. Please can we keep chat to dinner time?'

Or something like that.

Or... during lockdown, I put a notice on my tiny work-from-home room: 'If this sign is showing, only interrupt if it is an emergency.' DS2 said, 'Do you mean this?' and I said 'Yes.The other side of the sign said, 'Interruptions welcome!'

I said it was for when I had work deadlines, But it was also for some quiet sanity time. Could you do something like this? is there a space in the house you can escape to?

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Ear plugs. Eye mask. Headphones.