Husband never shuts up.

[Newname25]

OH has ADHD and literally never stops talking. He's even noisy whe he sleeps as he snores. It's really starting to grate on me as he ignores all cues and just drones on and on.

As I've gotten older I realise that while I'm very sociable I also crave peace and quiet and down time. It's so hard to get it in my house though with him, amd 2 teenagers (one with ADHD too).

Can anyone relate to this?

Tbf i do agree with this. You’re saying he ignores cues, and you ask for down time, but does he know what that means and does he pick up on cues. Does he think downtime is you sitting down. Or not having a tv on. Or not dealing with the kids. Or does he know specifically what you’re asking for.

I'd be taking myself off to another room when he starts talking at you, OP. Or for a bath. Or for a walk. Maybe get a nice garden hobby room, just for you. 💐
I'm known to be a bit of a chatterbox myself, but I know when to shut up (mostly).

The thing is, that he's talking AT you rather than with you.

Whether or not he's aware of this isn't even worth unpicking because the result is the same. It's exhausting for you, and selfish of him to use you as his mental dumping ground.

Perhaps you could consider changing tack with him and trying some go-to stock statements that don't sound confrontational (in his world).

For example:

"I don't have the mental bandwidth to take on what you're dumping on me now. Please talk to someone else about it."

"I have no interest in this subject. Ring your mother (or whoever) and discuss it with her."

"I'm going to go and read my book for a few hours."
(Then if he comes in and disturbs you, get up with your book and go elsewhere.)

"You can talk to me about this for five minutes."
(Put your phone on timer with a loud alarm, give him the five minutes, then blow the whistle.)

You have my sympathy’s my dh is a right chatterbox 😂 I’m quite a social person but need down time too. No advice really I just agree every now and then while not actually listening.

I have a sister like this. Oh my can she talk. She’s been like this as long as she could speak. Never takes a breath but she is so well read and smart it’s ok if just a bit exhausting. She is terminally ill now and has problems with words sometimes but boy, she can still swear.

Will come back with more, but just to say I relate!

My DH can pick a topic and bore for England once he gets going, but at least it is only intermittent, and not all the bloody time. The worst is when he decides to digress and go off at a complete tangent about something as spectacularly dull as the type of guitar a particular person I've never heard of used on a specific song that I haven't heard of either, and even when I've told him I don't know wtf he is talking about, he will then expound at length on describing the bloke and how I must remember when he played with a band in 1978 who I neither liked at the time, nor remember now. No I fucking don't know and nor, more to the point, do I care one tiny jot.

Can you tell him you need an hour (2, 3!) and if he interrupts that hour, it’s unfair. Is there somewhere you can go? Bedroom to read? Bath? I have hour long baths just because I talk/listen all day to 5x30 lots of students all day and I need some quiet time in my day, although my DH knows the value of silence too.

They get worse as they get older. We all do to be fair, we mask less and stim more, but also with menopause we get less tolerant so it's tricky from both sides.

My DH annoys me a lot these days, he's turning into his very boring dad, and he definitely wasn't like that when we married.

I have become more and more unable to live with persistent noise and chatter. I am permanently on edge with others around these days (unless it’s adult DC). I have lived alone for the last 9 years after ending up in a second abusive marriage and I absolutely love the peace and tranquility. I just have my dogs and cat around-none of them shout, ball, name call, snap or verbally abuse me. It’s bloody heaven and I’m never, ever, sharing my home again, much less so caring for anyone who has become elderly and ill. Fuck that. I’m too happy these days 😜

He’s rude with no self-awareness.

I go and have a bath, or a nap or garden, if the weather is nice. Just been on holiday for a week,it’s been lovely but I felt unwell this afternoon and stayed in the room, the quiet was lovely.

Mine will shut up if I point out that I’ve had enough of obscure Russian politics now, thank you. He’s not rude about it.

This is a classic ADHD trait and my DH is the same. It was becoming worse as he grew older (and as we spent more time together/menopause made me far less tolerant).

It was making me feel diminished.

As with any relationship, the key is to sit down and have a grown-up chat about it, tell him how it makes you feel. Then come up with strategies together.

I've tried to separate the person from the disability - it's not my DH who has this bloody annoying habit, it's a disability which has an unpleasant impact on me.

If he's already had the chance to do things that have given him dopamine that day, that calms him down.

And he's really open to me telling him the ADHD is running riot and asking him to reign it in.

If we're in company, I either surreptitiously poke him or we have a code word.

Noise cancelling headphones and going to another room are other strategies I use.

My DH is a kind person at heart who wants to do the best for us. If your DH is the same, then this should help.

Get one of those cheep kitchen timers, set a time give it to him and he can’t come back til the alarm goes off!

I have a dh like this but I also have cochlear implants, meaning I can just whip off my microphones and hey presto.. it goes away😂

He’s an arsehole for calling you ‘vacuous’.

I work with someone like this . They have to talk or they will combust . They interrupt others talking , as I guess what they have to say is more important. They also seem to know everything even when you point out they may be incorrect. They are a joy to work with.

Can I ask your age range ? My husband is ND and can be too chatty, when I reached my late 40s my tolerance started to dip,

I mean 😂

Totally recognise this! It’s a big part of the reason why I’m on HRT. I’m partly lucky, because my perimenopause has been largely easy and low on symptoms, but a new and overwhelming irritation at a husband who’s desperate to communicate the finer points of playing scales on his guitar or the minutiae of office politics, plus the slight risk of my actually belting untidy and disdainful teens, made me decide to try a low dose oestrogen patch. And everything is suddenly a lot less infuriating.

Late 40s

Yeah its more than likely your age.

My husband is like this as well. I have two young toddlers at home and sometimes just need abit of quiet. I do tell him and sometimes he gets it, sometimes he gets annoyed but seriously, it’s too much. I’m a talker but he’s a different level

So his response to you asking for peace to decompress is to insult you and name call?
He's a selfish, boring twat.

Start thinking about your future because you are not going to survive the menopause living with a tedious foghorn.

Whilst you say he's always been like this, it looks like it's you (as you mention) that has changed - and your age indicates it might be perimenopause-related (apologies if that cannot be the case for you). I became increasingly intolerant when I hit my late 40s and a whirling ball of RAGE (often over nothing at all) in my 50s. I'm better now than I was then (I'm 67) but irritability hovers over me like a cloud at all times.

If it could be peri/menopause, do go to your GP and demand hrt - I didn't and regret it massively.