Claire’s law disclosure?

[FirstTimer888]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place but hopefully someone will have advice.

I have very recently started dating someone, the first person / date since separating from DD dad 18 months ago. We’ve only had a few dates, and all seems good.

Due to previous abuse, I made a Claire’s law application as soon as I had Dob, full name etc. Nothing made me feel I need to, but having been burnt in the past, I want to make the most of the options available.

Today I had a call from the police to see if I had any more info which would help confirm who I was applying about. After some conversation we identified a specific tattoo on this person.

They then said that now they were ‘satisfied that I was enquiring about this person they have in the database’, they would review and get back to me with a disclosure if necessary. She then said (unprompted) ‘just because this person is in their database, isn’t something to worry about so don’t jump to conclusions’.

My head is now spinning - is this someone I should be concerned about or not? Having been in a bad situation previously, I won’t continue with these dates if something is disclosed, but I now feel in limbo.

Has anyone has a similar situation? Or any idea what the database is their referring to? Just a criminal one or specially DV?

DV. Clare's Law - Wikipedia

Thank you, I completely understand what Claire’s law is. And I’m very grateful it’s available.

My confusion is that I don’t know if this person is known to police for DV or another reason. I won’t know until I hear back from the police as to whether it’s DV related or not.

I was hoping someone else might have been in a similar situation and could shed any light

It’s specifically a domestic violence disclosure scheme/

Hello, yes I have had two Claire’s Law searches. One was bad. They just turned up at my house unannounced to speak to me.
The other they phoned me and said some thing such as “Hello, just to let you know we have nothing to tell you about John. We don’t have any information about John that makes us think John is a risk of domestic violence”
She asked me why I applied and I told her that I had heard a story about him and his ex arguing so badly the police were called.
She responded with “There are lots of disturbances that happen and while they aren’t good, not every disturbance is because of domestic abuse.”

It could be anything OP.
Armed robber, had a fight, pulled over in his car, previously been burgled.
There are so many reasons to why he is on the system. Not everyone is for being a criminal some are because thay called 999 for help.

Unfortunately you won't know until they contact you with a disclosure, if there needs to be one.

They wouldn’t have his tattoo on file for anything basic. It’s listed as an identifier so I would assume he’s at least been arrested.

Not everyone is for being a criminal some are because thay called 999 for help

Thats a different system and not one that'd be used for CL & certainly not one that holds details of tattoos etc

It sounds as if hes got some kind of record but it could be for something minor and wont necessarily e disclosable

Thanks everyone, the responses have been really helpful!

I guess it’s just a case of biding my time until I hear back from them, and at that point I can decide what I do next.

The fact he has an ‘identifier’ is a bit of a worry in itself, but I guess it still gives me the opportunity to direct the conversation towards that (trouble with the police when young kind of thing) if I want to continue things.

Thanks again

Hoping it is all ok for you

Well done for getting a Claire’s law disclosure (I don’t mean that to sound patronising, sorry if it came across that way, it’s hard to give tone to text) . I think more people (everyone) should do this in new relationships! It’s better to know at the outset.

Hopefully you get info soon, you could always chase the police if you feel it’s taking ages.

it could be that he has previous, given they have him in the system, but also not necessarily a DV perpetrator- could be more nuanced? (I’m being generous here, but ultimately there’s ’something’ or he wouldn’t be identified on the search)

If it were me I would err on the side of caution and wait for the outcome until getting too deep in the relationship. Wishing you all the best x

She got the info in January

Have you googled him?

OP I work in this field he could be on pnc/Athena (local equivalent of the latter) for a whole number of reasons, suspect, witness, victim. I will flag heavily on police systems as while I'm not a police officer I work directly with and manage some and as a member of the public have reported a number of things, my work makes me confident and willing to do so. I've also been a witness for a friend in a rape/domestic abuse case. The fact they have an identifier could just mean he was a person of interest eg a passer by seen on CCTV who may have been a witness.
He could also have a criminal history, you won't know until they contact you. I hope it's quickly for you.

Oh crikey , I missed that. Yea that’s a long wait!!! I would defo be hassling them.
they usually come back quicker than this , and in my experience they contact even if it’s to say ‘noting to tell’.

@cannyvalley not patronising at all! And I completely agree with you, the more people who make use of the service the better - even if they don’t feel there’s a need, you just don’t know.

@TheCurious0range thanks for this context as well, it’s helpful.

I only started dating him about 4 weeks ago, and made the application about 2.5 weeks ago, so don’t feel like the police have taken particularly long so far.

in the meantime, I agree, best to err on the side of caution. Fortunately I have plans this weekend and then he is away with his son for a week, so gives a natural break.

Thanks again to everyone!

They came back to her in January with the info.

Ignore me, I am on the wrong post! She didn’t get the info in January, that was someone else on another post

Oh haha! Well i was clearly confused too as i just took your word for it 🤣

I hope OP gets the info soon x

Hi all, just wanted to come back and provide an update a) for all of you who posted and b) for anyone else who may find themselves in a similar position and come across this thread.

I had a follow up call last week from police as they did want to make a disclosure. I was working away and then with childcare etc, today was the first opportunity to see them. And shock horror, it’s not good news.

Stalking, harassment and assault over a 4yr period in one relationship about 10 years ago.

it seems completely at odds with the version of himself he’s presented to me. And I found myself today even wondering whether I should give him a chance, people change, just one relationship etc. Funny what your mind will do!

But I’ve given myself a stern talking to, and decided to step back from dating (anyone!) for a while longer. It’s really shaken me tbh and made me wonder what it is about me that’s attracting this kind of person. Perhaps I need more therapy, who knows.

At least I know, so it was well worth doing, as I’ve now been able to make an informed decision that will protect me and DD in the future.

Thanks again to all who contributed

How did he react when you ended it with him?

I haven’t yet, I was due to see him last night but cancelled due to ‘work’. That was fine, no issue.

My plan is to use a few things I have going on in my life at the moment to say I don’t have time or headspace for dating / relationship. So it doesn’t feel like it’s him that’s the problem. That feels like a safer approach.

By the weekend I plan to have had that chat, as it allows me to build up to it this week.

OP be very, very careful.

There's another thread on here with a similar story to yours.

Have a read. Just read the OP's posts and see what's happened to her.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5410277-clares-law-disclosure-shocked-disgusted-scared

Thanks @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne
I had seen that thread which is what made me think a slower exit might be better, do you not think that’s right?
I’m really confused at how to end it without risking triggering anything or a reaction from him. The police officer said that he clearly doesn’t handle rejection or relationships ending well. Whilst this is far from a relationship after a few weeks, I still have this ringing in my ears so don’t want to do something that will escalate it. It felt like a gradual back out over the week would be better than a firm no.
i really don’t know though, so welcome any and all advice!

That’s what i thought. Then there was this dispute the other day on TikTok, especially women who, I get it I’ve been there so have many, minimising and excusing things.
But that her bf had things come up, initially she said driving offence, which others were saying they didn’t think it included that kind of thing.
Then went on to say crime that included violence, but against a man 🤦‍♀️ so we then thought that might be the main reason police disclosed because it’s still important.
The gf said she didn’t see a problem, as it was against a man not a woman, and there is a big difference 🤦‍♀️ and that better to know someone has already done that, as anyone can be violent. And that it’s worse when you don’t know and the person can turn around and be violent.

So anyway, yes i thought it was just for Domestic related things. But obviously not.

It’s good that you know though. It might be 10 years ago, and people go through bad times/situations. But that’s beside the point. It gives an example of what he is capable of.

I agree with another commenter, that take caution with how/when/where you cut him off.

Also in terms of it’s not how he has presented to you, it’s only been a few dates. I take it that most don’t show things that early on.
But if they do, that’s an even earlier heads up and a good thing at that.
The problem with us as women, and i include myself in that from previous situations.
We often wait, wait to see more, instead of cutting it off there and then.