Claire’s law disclosure?

[FirstTimer888]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place but hopefully someone will have advice.

I have very recently started dating someone, the first person / date since separating from DD dad 18 months ago. We’ve only had a few dates, and all seems good.

Due to previous abuse, I made a Claire’s law application as soon as I had Dob, full name etc. Nothing made me feel I need to, but having been burnt in the past, I want to make the most of the options available.

Today I had a call from the police to see if I had any more info which would help confirm who I was applying about. After some conversation we identified a specific tattoo on this person.

They then said that now they were ‘satisfied that I was enquiring about this person they have in the database’, they would review and get back to me with a disclosure if necessary. She then said (unprompted) ‘just because this person is in their database, isn’t something to worry about so don’t jump to conclusions’.

My head is now spinning - is this someone I should be concerned about or not? Having been in a bad situation previously, I won’t continue with these dates if something is disclosed, but I now feel in limbo.

Has anyone has a similar situation? Or any idea what the database is their referring to? Just a criminal one or specially DV?

A firm no is best. Tell him firmly and don't engage with him.
Then do what the other poster has done.
Ignore him, keep all his texts, tell people at work to watch out for him, and get some cameras up at your house.
And get a Ring doorbell.

Let the police know when he starts harassing you.

Just wanted to reassure anyone, I am absolutely ending it. There’s no question of that. Any comments I made about me not seeing anything yet was just me reflecting - regardless of whether or not I’ve seen it he’s clearly capable of some horrific things and I don’t want to stick around and risk them happening to me.

Fortunately I already have cameras front back and side, plus ring doorbell, lights etc. social profiles are completely locked down, and he doesn’t know my wfh / office days. So I feel I’ve done all I can in that respect.

I now just have to message him it’s over and brace myself for the fallout. So annoyed I’ve got into this position again after thinking I was doing so much better.

Best of luck 💐

Since you have only been on a few dates hopefully you wont have any issues. Much better now than if it was weeks or months down the line.

I’ve done it, sent the message. Fingers crossed

Keep posting here if you need more support.

Let us know if you get any response op.

I’m sorry he hasn’t turned out to be a nice guy Op. but the whole process is such an amazing tool to help women keep safe. Something to be proud of in our country!

Think about anything he may have had access to.
If he has been in your home then change your locks, your WiFi codes, alarm codes etc.
If he has access to your phone or your handbag then change keys, banking app & phone passwords etc. Make sure you have all tracking turned off for any apps (check in Settings on your phone - things like Google maps, Facebook, instagram etc).
Take your phone in to check for tracking apps. If he has had access to your car or handbag check for any AirTags etc.
This ☝️ is worst case scenario but it doesn’t hurt to be fully covered.

I've just had a similar Clares law disclosure this Sunday, very shocking and upsetting. Dv, sexual assault, violence, coercive control. Thanks to Clares law I've definitely had a very lucky escape. I'm still reeling but Mumsnet has been invaluable, so much advice and support. And posters have kept me grounded and sane when my heads been reeling with his mind games and lies!
Keep safe x

Couldn’t agree more @londongirl12 I feel very lucky to have been able to find out the ‘real version’ of him, without risking me or my daughter coming to harm. we all owe Clare’s family so much.

He has responded, wanted to know what I’d been told and if there was any chance we could talk about it. All sounded very reasonable. But having read the other other Clare’s law thread someone posted in this chat the other day, I know that just because it starts reasonable doesn’t mean it stays reasonable! I replied and said that I don’t think it’s necessary as my decision is final, and no conversation will change my position on that.

Really hope you’re doing ok @Woolyminded its such a bizarre thing to experience when it’s early in the relationship. Very glad we have the mumsnet wisdom and community

Two of us made an application under this law. I was told there was no record of domestic violence. My daughter was told he tried to run over his ex!

Well done!
And don't get drawn in to having a conversation with him, about anything.

I can honestly say Mumsnet has saved my sanity this week! Hope you're OK too, it's a horrible, draining experience.

What did you say to him when you ended it? - just to get an idea of what works in such situations, it might help the next woman coming with here a Clare's law horror.

"He has responded, wanted to know what I’d been told" - sounds to me like he knows he's on the books and women have checked him out previously and dropped him because of it.

I’d rather not put the exact message in case he ever stumbles across this, but it was basically… didn’t expect to say this, but done Claire’s law and with what I was told need to end it here. Yes there’s 2 sides but I’m not willing to risk it with DD, and my decision is final.

He responded saying roughly wow, wasn’t expecting that message. What have you been told? Can we talk about it? I’m gutted.

I acknowledged the shock, said I was to. But didn’t think anything would come of a conversation as my position is final.

he replied ‘fair enough’. And nothing since… it’s not been long though so who knows what the weekend will bring!

Fingers crossed he stays away op. So glad you were able to find out who he really is.

Honestly, for anyone considering doing it, I don’t think it’s a good idea to let them know you’ve gone through the CL procedure. It could be a red flag to a bull and make things worse.

Yeah. And are you even allowed to tell the perpetrator that you did a CL search? I thought you weren't even allowed to tell friends or family what was disclosed?

So you were not warned by the police about what information you could share?

I didn’t give any details or information about the disclosure, but did make him aware I’d had one.

Personally I think it gives me the best protection.

It’s perfectly acceptable to tell the perpetrator you have applied for a CL disclosure.

well done OP. Looks like a good swerve , and an inspiration for others to use this vital and life saving scheme! Xx

I just had a CL disclosure - went this afternoon to learn what is was: stalking / physical assault/ breaking and entering / damage to property / threats to kill - on 2 different women! Also a non molestation order for his DC