Would I Feel Better if I Just Told Him?

[HangingOnYourCloud]

I had a crush on a work acquaintance for about 18 months. We got along well and I I thought there was some chemistry between us but I didn’t and still don’t know if he’s single. I am but going through separation/divorce and was just going about my life working and looking after my kids without any hope or agenda of a relationship any time soon although I did hope I might meet someone in time.

I changed jobs and before I left, my crush wanted to talk to me, he did, but then he made no move to take my number and allowing me to walk out of his life. I don’t know whether he really isn’t bothered or if he’s just not very self confident and he bottled it. I wish I could just leave it at that but the problem is, I’ve since realised it’s not just the crush I thought it was and it turns out I’ve got these big feelings and now I can’t stop thinking about him. Would I feel better for sending an unsolicited message to him or will that just look weird and should I just leave him alone and try and get my head straight?

What have you got to lose by sending him a message? I don't think it would be weird, but I do think you might regret letting this chance go past in the future.

How long ago since you last saw him/spoke to him?

You might as well send it.
What harm can it do?

you should send the message, you might regret it if you don't.

Just a few days. I guess I’ll feel better in time but at the moment it just feels all wrong that I might never see him again.

I’m going to fly in the face of previous advice and say to leave it for now. Give yourself time to adjust to your new life and routines and then send him a Christmas card.

It’s an innocuous reach out and inside you could suggest a Christmas drink and catch up!
Slowly slowly catchee monkey. 🐵

Oh if it’s a just a few days then nothing wrong with: ‘How’s the office? Are you all missing me yet?!”

I sent a message the day after I left the job, fuelled by a couple of glasses of wine I thought fuck it, what’s the worst that can happen! My professional persona had been excellent, he thought I wasn’t interested in him and was delighted to find out I was definitely interested.We are very happy and I’m glad I took the chance.

The worst that can happen is that he isn’t romantically interested in you, if that’s the case at least you know and it’s not like you will have to see him again.
The best that can happen is you start dating and find yourself in a fantastic relationship, you have nothing to lose!

If you want something you're going to have to go and get it, we don't live in the 1950s any more and expect men to make all the moves, particularly in this post #MeToo age.

Erm nothing at all says he was interested in you, I mean you weren't even that close to not have even had a mention if he was in a relationship anyhow. If he wanted your number he would have asked in that time. Leave the guy alone lol

I'm with my ex colleague for the last 4 years!

I will tell you there was no denying we liked one another but still not 100 percent sure.

Couple of weeks went by and he text me that I was a beautiful person and he loved me to bits.

It just gets better and better.

Go for it op, nothing to lose!

Good luck x

I saw your other post about this painful crush. My personal opinion is you should go for it. You no longer work with him, you shoud put it on the line. His goodbye definitely reflected that you mean something to him -- maybe just as a friend, or maybe he didn't have the nerve to make a move. Don't get into your head overthinking it. Just tell him you like him, and is he single and open to exploring your connection?

It’s absolutely killing me guys, it’s caught me so unawares I can’t concentrate or eat anything, this isn’t normal is it?

You probably did @Subwaystop I’ve changed my name a couple of times to post about the same thing as everyone will think I’ve lost the plot!

I don't think you lost the plot. To me, it sounds normal, human --- although painful. Some people are more predisposed to such kind of ruminations than others, but it happens a lot. When a crush gets agonizing like that it's called limerence. You should find out if he's available. If he's not, then the best solution is no contact, no checking his socials, no feeding the addiction to the fantasy with any information. It usually fades and goes away.

I would absolutely leave it alone at the moment. Getting so worked up that you can't eat about an ex colleague who has shown no signs that he's interested in pursuing a relationship with you whatsoever, isn't the best time to be making bold moves.

Get your divorce out of the way, back on an even keel and then see how you feel.

@GoldDuster I think you’re right, when I’ve written it down, it sounds crazy.

I think I’ve just been going along okay then he’s stirred something up that I didn’t think was in me any more. I know I will feel better in time.

Just message him something generic about how the office is etc.

Stop with the "I really want to be with him, but I want him to get my number, I want him to text me etc".

If you want it, go get it.

"Hi X, hope the office isn't missing me too much. Let me know if you want to grab a coffee to catch up sometime."

If you never have to see him again, then you've really got nothing to lose except your pride. I'd go for it – don't have regrets.

Women! us men do like it too when women who like us ask for our numbe or offer it.

In the metoo era, i am hesitant to ask first so I would love it if you just give it out or give a hint you want to go out, there is no harm.

Go for it, but in the full knowledge that it's possible he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, or isn't available. But better to know that than to be consumed with longing for someone you don't really know at all. I'm a bit puzzled as to what it is you're so attracted to, if you've never had the kind of basic conversation where you exchange basic facts about your lives like 'I'm married with two children and live in X'.

You’re probably right @CheeseDanish I think it’s maybe just the idea of it and the little bit that I do know that made me like him. I’m not good at asking people loads of questions about themselves but thinking about it, again he’s had opportunities to say more and hasn’t so maybe he just doesn’t want to share anything more with me. It’s definitely better just left I think .

Faint heart never won fair gentleman OP, tell him!! What do you have to lose in any case?

It’s frustrating because I know he isn’t massively self-confident, but that’s the thing I like most about him. I think I just have to leave it though.

Why not ask him if he fancies meeting up for a coffee? What is there to lose?