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Original poster

Argument over a £1

1000 replies

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 08:57

Years ago my best friend and her husband ran into severe financial difficulties and were going to lose their home. I was pregnant, hormonal, emotional, my head was all over the place, and I desperately wanted to help them.
At that time I had no money but we owned a property in an absolute rundown part of London - my husband purchased it with a gift from his parents and I was added to the deeds after we were married.
Long story short, my attempt to help my friend went awry, and my husband had to sell the property. The property is worth an absolute fortune now. The whole area has undergone gentrification, and we missed out on the crazy London property boom.

My husband doesn't ever want to discuss and I had thought we had put it behind us. I have immense guilt.

Last week, whilst grocery shopping with him, I exchange a premium product for a store brand, and he went ballistic. He started mumbling about why I was saving pennies when I happlynlissed away so much trying to help my friend.

In the car, I was called a jumped up bitch, and he spent the journey home ranting at me for making him sell the property; being a SAHM when the children were younger; spending money; and diminishing his role and magnifying mine.

He is refusing to speak to me because he doesnt want to listen to the verbal diarrhea coming out of my mouth - his words.

I don't know where we go from here. We have 3 children, and he is an excellent father, and husband, till now. It seems he has been harbouring this resent towards me but there is nothing I can do.

OP posts:
CoffeeLipstickKeys · 30/08/2025 12:04

Dunnocantthinkofone · 30/08/2025 11:59

Nope. He had (unwisely as it turns out) placed the OP on the deeds of the flat. Therefore if she defaulted on the loan, the bank could come after it.
He sold and paid it off as a preemptive measure

Edited
Show quote history

Yup. @ForGentleBeaker is totally responsible for this financial mess, she left her husband no choice but to sell to repay outstanding debt. No way can this be stretched to blame her husband

dodobedo · 30/08/2025 12:04

BlondeFool · 30/08/2025 11:55

This is a wild thread. I don’t know anyone who would take a loan out for a friend causing the loss of a London flat! Then post about £1 as the issue. The OP hasn’t said how much she borrowed.

no she is very reluctant to say how much she borrowed and,reading between the lines, I suspect what really happened is that you took out a big bank loan, SOME of which you lent to your friends.

And stop taking peoples items out of the shopping trolley and swapping them for cheaper items - he's paying!

HenDoNot · 30/08/2025 12:04

The poor guy was going to be financially fucked over either way, probably worse if he divorced her.

I’ll bet his parents are fucking furious too. Hopefully they’ve somehow ringfenced any future inheritance for their son so the OP cant get her hands on it.

harriethoyle · 30/08/2025 12:05

Honestly? I would have left you at the time. You were utterly irresponsible and appear to have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation. Why don’t you have a payment plan with your friends? Why haven’t YOU paid your husband back for wasting his money on your friends? I can totally understand why he’s resentful albeit he’s not expressing it appropriately.

Original poster
ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

Parisfranc · 30/08/2025 11:22

So how much have you cost him altogether? In the loan and in lost £ on the property?

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

OP posts:
LesCigaresVolants · 30/08/2025 12:06

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 11:54

So lots of people saying I’d it was them
they would have divorced the spouse.
So imagine your in this scenario. Your spouse takes out the loan (in their name only), friend doesn’t come through and you are left to pay it off. Your only option is to sell your flat. At this point you say I want a divorce. Does the divorce protect you from any liability for the payment? Would it remain solely your partners problem?

A divorce in itself wouldn't make a difference to jointly owned assets still in both names. I think the salient point here is that the flat was also put into the OP's name, and I presume the OP's name was also on the family home deeds. The lending bank could have pursued proceedings, even bankruptcy, against the OP for the unpaid loan, which could have resulted in the forced sale of jointly owned assets - although the bank would have only been able to take the OP's share of the asset (if the asset is held as a joint tenancy, then the trustee in bankruptcy will apply to the court to sever the joint tenancy). It was probably a better situation all round for them to preemptively sell the flat to pay off the debt and avoid court costs, possible bankruptcy of the OP and possible loss of the family home.

321user123 · 30/08/2025 12:08

namechangedforvalidreasons · 30/08/2025 09:13

Is this the first time he’s mentioned all these resentments? Like, did the tirade come out of a clear blue sky? Any chance it could be the The Script?

I’d say if you think no, sounds like he might need counselling. Assuming you want to save anything. They don’t recommend joint counselling where there’s abuse. ‘Jumped up bitch,’ lot of people would not tolerate. It sounds like there’s been resentment boiling for a long time. And perhaps he needs to think about whether he could forgive you for real rather than pretending to .

What’s … The Script?

ILoveWhales · 30/08/2025 12:08

Didimum · 30/08/2025 12:00

I didn’t say he was or thought he was. A poster asked what the Script meant in this context and I told her.

Can you try to refrain from swearing at me for no reason?

Show quote history

I wasn't swearing at you untwist your knickers. And have a nice day. 🙄

dodobedo · 30/08/2025 12:08

OP - did the whole of the bank loan get given to your friend or did you have some of it?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/08/2025 12:08

LesCigaresVolants · 30/08/2025 12:06

A divorce in itself wouldn't make a difference to jointly owned assets still in both names. I think the salient point here is that the flat was also put into the OP's name, and I presume the OP's name was also on the family home deeds. The lending bank could have pursued proceedings, even bankruptcy, against the OP for the unpaid loan, which could have resulted in the forced sale of jointly owned assets - although the bank would have only been able to take the OP's share of the asset (if the asset is held as a joint tenancy, then the trustee in bankruptcy will apply to the court to sever the joint tenancy). It was probably a better situation all round for them to preemptively sell the flat to pay off the debt and avoid court costs, possible bankruptcy of the OP and possible loss of the family home.

Show quote history

Exactly this, not to mention the fact that the OP was pregnant or had a baby at the time so her husband would have lost more than just his house if he'd divorced her.

cheesycheesy · 30/08/2025 12:08

What a stupid thing you did. I’m not surprise he resents you. I don’t think I would forgive you after that.

Hoppinggreen · 30/08/2025 12:09

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

Show quote history

That is irrelevant

Dunnocantthinkofone · 30/08/2025 12:09

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

Show quote history

It makes absolutely no difference how much it was tbh.
You went behind his back. You knew with certainty he opposed it but you cared more about your friend than your DH or children.
There’s no coming back from that sort of betrayal

TwistedWonder · 30/08/2025 12:09

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

Show quote history

The rise in property prices is a moot point here you’re using to try and excuse your appallingly poor judgement and behaviour.

You're not a victim of anything other than your own stupidity.

You absolutely betrayed your DH and are still making excuses - and pearl clutching because he snapped at you.

There's absolutely no remorse or accountability in anything you’re saying.

Didimum · 30/08/2025 12:09

ILoveWhales · 30/08/2025 12:08

I wasn't swearing at you untwist your knickers. And have a nice day. 🙄

Show quote history

And now you’re embarrassed you got it wrong so continuing to be nasty. Seems like you should have untwisted your knickers in the first place. Good day 🙄

ZoggyStirdust · 30/08/2025 12:10

Wow
op you pissed away his inheritance, cost your family a huge amount of money and you seem to be blaming him for being annoyed about it. You’re taking no responsibility, I presume from your silence on the matter you still don’t work.

fuck me, if you were a bloke you’d be ripped apart on here!

MrsMitford3 · 30/08/2025 12:10

Bloody hell @ForGentleBeaker even your thread title "argument over a £1" is so trivialising of the event -if this has been your attitude I don't blame your husband for being frustrated and angry.
Obviously he shouldn't call you names but he was right not to get involved in your friends finances, you did it anyway and it ended up costing him his house.

I don't really think your behaviour is forgivable-you put your friend before your family and now look where you are-your own family finances are precarious and there is no friend to bail you out.
I think people saying he is wrong to harbour a grudge are crazy-he was 100% right in not wanting to lend the money.
I would be harbouring a helluva grudge tbh.

ILoveWhales · 30/08/2025 12:11

Didimum · 30/08/2025 12:09

And now you’re embarrassed you got it wrong so continuing to be nasty. Seems like you should have untwisted your knickers in the first place. Good day 🙄

Show quote history

Oh just go away and stop, derailing the thread

Didn't know you were so special.I had to tread carefully and not to upset you honest to god.Some people. Who do you think you are.

Blinkingbother · 30/08/2025 12:11

I can understand why he’s resentful - you borrowed money to lend out against his wishes causing him to lose a massive investment that would have give serious financial security. He’s currently feeling stressed by work and related financial implications and the loss of the security that would’ve been there is living rent free in his head. Give him space to calm down before you do anything else.

ThisChirpyFox · 30/08/2025 12:12

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

Show quote history

You don't want to say - but have misleadingly put in the title it's over £1 (the price difference of something you substituted in the shop).

I was all on your side after you described the way he spoke to you.

But then you sharing how you took out a loan even though he advised you against it, let him bail you out and you can't see why he's held this resentment - that's on you.

Id be as angry as him and would have left you. You both need to sit down and discuss this.

LesCigaresVolants · 30/08/2025 12:12

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:05

I don't want to say but it's a lot. I had no idea property prices would increase so much. The whole area seemed like an unsafe ghetto at the time.

Show quote history

London house prices in the "ghetto" have been going mad since the mid 1990s, especially in the East End after the trendification of Hoxton and Shorditich. You clearly have no financial acumen whatsoever.

Parsley4321 · 30/08/2025 12:13

Sounds like it was a loan secured on the house ? And that’s why they had to sell pretty unforgivable I bet his parents are beyond

Dunnocantthinkofone · 30/08/2025 12:14

I read it as an inheritance after death? Which only adds to the pain and guilt he will be feeling

Didimum · 30/08/2025 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Happyhandbag56 · 30/08/2025 12:15

I’d never be able to forgive my DH if he went behind my back and did something which had life changing consequences for us/me/our family because he wanted to help a friend.

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