I think husband is jealous of me?

[Shs726]

So my husband and I got married 4 years ago.
We didn’t live together due to cultural reasons. He is 42 and I am 34.

Anyway,
Before marriage:

I was already earning over £150k. I already owned a property that I was renting out. I also had considerable savings that I made over the years.

My husband also earns well (90k). Has a property and he wanted his property to be the marital home. (His idea).
When we got married he said he’d take care of the bills. I did offer to go splits on all the bills including mortgage, as didn’t think it was fair on him. He insisted he wanted to do it solely as it’s a “man’s job”.

Throughout the course of marriage… I’ll get all the groceries, holidays, gifts etc. I also do majority of the savings for both of us. As a way of contributing.

What’s frustrating is…
Whenever we argue, it could be about the smallest and unrelated thing ever, he’ll always bring my salary into it. He’ll make remarks such as “you think you are better coz you earn more”.

Bear in mind, I have NEVER SAID to him I earn more or ever thought I was better.

Or he’ll make remarks about how I have had life easy coz I got a house that I rent out etc (ignoring the fact that I worked for it and being a LL isn’t easy in this day and age).

I’ve spent many occasions reassuring him that what we have is for both of us. The savings and investments I make, it’s for both of us. I don’t think I’m better and that I value that he provides a roof over my head etc.
it’s just never enough.

In arguement he’ll always remind me it’s his house I live in. But in return I never remind him of the food and outings he does is because of me. Or most of the furniture is what I paid for. It’s petty.

Recently he’s accused me of sleeping my way to the top that’s how I got the job. He also remarked I physically disgust him as my body is gross (first time he’s ever said this), and his ex is better. And that I think I’m special because “you have some money and assets”.

I just don’t get it why he always mentions this in every arguement. Im now believing he’s jealous of me. Even writing this out seems crazy to me. Maybe I’m wrong. But my gut is telling me it’s jealousy. If so, can you ever come past this?

You leave

ASAP

He's a piece of 💩

Life's too short to put up with that crap.
Get yourself out of there before he grinds you down completely.

He tells you that you physically disgust him and your body is gross?

OMG! Don’t stay with a person that says that. Sounds like he doesn’t even like you let alone love!

He sounds horrible. Why do you stay with him? Is there anything good about your relationship? I wouldn't want to be with someone who told me I disgust them. That's awful. Poor you. I would be seriously considering whether I want to be in this relationship.

Out that door. Now.

He’s telling you exactly what he thinks of you. Why are you still with him?

Are you hoping to change his mind?

If he is jealous - this may stem from misogynistic views (hence his comments on your body to hurt you and his accusations of sleeping with your boss).

Is he generally misogynistic?

Regardless he sounds vile - set him free to go back to his wonderful ex.

I don't think I could ever overcome any of what he has said to you. It's more than jealousy, it sounds like he despises you for whatever reason he has decided.

I wouldn't stress to be with someone who treated me like that. Never mind the fact that he seriously lacks any respect for you.

Staying will just erode who you are, your self confidence and self worth mean nothing to him.

Whatever you do, don't have kids with him. Not yet anyway. Otherwise you'll be tied to him for life.

I'd say it's irrelevant whether or not he is jealous. The comment about your body and his ex is completely unacceptable. My husband and I fight but if he ever said something that mean I'd want to divorce him. Look after yourself.

The bingo card is filling up with this charmer …

• jealous - remarks on salary
• controlling - wants to live in ‘his’ house, reminds OP of that
• paranoid - slept to the top
• abusive - ex is more attractive
• getting the benefit of OP’s labour - op is doing the majority of saving for them both

He’s not going to change. He wants a wife who he can control who makes him feel like the big manly wanly with all the salary. He will either take your spirit, your financial independence or your sanity. You were successful before him and you’d certainly thrive without…

Put him in the bin.

It was first time recently he mentioned my body, his ex and me sleeping my way to the top.

I am still a bit shocked and thinking is it jealousy or what?

Not that I am okay with his outburst

Whether he’s jealous or not is irrelevant, he’s a disgusting repulsive abusive cunt - do not stay married to this wanker.

Divorce him.He sounds vile.
I think it’s beyond jealousy. He obviously resents you.I couldn’t stay with someone who calls me gross and compares me ( unfavourably) to his ex!

He’s not just jealous, he resents/despises you for it. So he’s being an abusive piece of shit to put you in your place and put you down.

Fuck this shit. Leave.

He's an inadequate man who doesn't like you, I'm afraid. I wouldn't take it personally - I don't think he likes women in general. I'm sure he insulted his ex in exactly the same way.

I'd take my money and run.

Hope the savings and investments are in your name. Leave.

Just the 'sleeping your way to the top' remark alone would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

He's an absolutely despicable piece of shit. You need to divorce him as soon as possible. I know that may be difficult for cultural reasons, but you absolutely have to get rid of him out of your life.

That’s absolutely horrible. I’d get legal advice to safeguard your future and then tbh I’d be done.

Have you ever spoken to his ex? I bet she’d have a tale or two to tell.

Is the culture homophobic? That kind of aggressive repulsion for women always makes me wonder if he’s actually gay but not able to accept himself. You could both be happier apart.

Leave him - this is abusive. I am glad that you are posting here questioning it - but worry you may one day believe his horrible and abusive statements - leave him now

Leave. This is only going to get worse

He's trying to put you down because he's threatened by you. You should be with someone who is proud of you and all you've achieved, who recognises your accomplishments are a result of hard work and a brilliant brain! Someone who will build you up, not knock you down!

To suggest your success is due to you sleeping your way to the top is grossly misogynistic and offensive. Him speaking negatively about your body is cruel and abusive. In over 20 years with my dh, he's never said anything to purposely hurt me - even in anger. Grown men, who are secure and can manage their emotions, don't treat their wives this way.

Take your high salary and your savings and leave him. Find someone who will be your champion and treat you like you deserve. Divorce when you have sufficient means to support yourself is so much easier to navigate. You're in a strong position to improve your life by ditching this awful man!

He is getting worse as time goes in and it won't get better and he won't change. I would leave him. Theres nothing for you there but misery.

He’s foul.
Leave him. You’re still very young and you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.
Don’t waste it being with him. You can never come back from those comments.

In my own life I found the abusers hunt for the well educated successful ones

They break them down bit by bit

Inside they hate us and they can't help themselves with their nastiness

Just awful

Op you sound v v wise

Get your plan in place

People with low self esteem will always put others down. Don't let him diminish your confidence.
If you continue he will gradually chip away at your confidence until you are a shadow of your former self.
Seriously rethink if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is disrespectful and nasty.